Fear & Love

Three

Being a people - pleaser is not easy, it never was. It lets you put others above you. It stops you from asking yourself the question,'what do I want?'

Gitanjali was a people pleaser since the time she remembers. She always conformed to others and the society.
Sure, she had her opinions but she never said what's on her mind until someone asked her truthfully.

When Rishika, her college friend used to ask her about her thoughts on Rishika's (then) boyfriend- Jay, Gita had always said what Rishika wanted to hear - 'Yes, he is a good guy. You guys compliment each other.' It was like a chant for her. Gita believed, she can differentiate between people who want honest opinion and people who want her to say things they want to hear.

Her university professor always told them, 'NEVER be a people pleaser.' But then, won't people hate her? Besides, it never affected her personally. It was easy being a people pleaser than being rude and causing conflict with others.

But this time, it is hard. She should not have said yes to the marriage just because her family wanted it. Then again, if it was not Anand, it would have been someone else. They would never understand that she needed time just to explore and achieve something in her career. But ,they would just shrug and say , 'after marriage, you can continue.'

After she had said yes, everyone was clapping, smiling and their hearts were rejoicing. In that moment, she felt like she did something right. She liked the fact that she made them so happy.
But when she is alone in her room, she starts to question her decision.

Anand was definitely not a bad guy. He was a passion driven individual who was working to the best of his abilities to achieve more than he already had. He was everything that anyone would ideally wish for.
Good job - tick. Hell, he was the boss!
Family - tick.
Addictions - None or not any she knew about.
Money - tick.
Stable - tick.

This was the checklist made by her family for a guy to be certified as decent.
But, how does it guarantee compatibility?

The marriages in her family had all these boxes ticked but no passion or love. Theirs almost felt like a duty.

She went by her window, looked up in the sky and stared at the moon for the longest.Stars made her happy but they were rarely seen. Moon was always there. Shining, not as bright as the sun, but nevertheless, shining.
One could not stare at the sun and find solace. But moon, it offers you peace. She just stood there for a while, closed her eyes and repeated few lines over and over.
'All is going to be okay, you will lead happily.'
'All is going to be okay, you will lead happily.'
After a while, she went back to her bed and slept.

The next morning, it was 10 AM that she woke up, her eyes widened.
'How can I sleep till 10?!'
She don't remember sleeping till 10 AM after her school life was over.

She checked her phone. There were multiple notifications and few missed calls from Shaina.
'I slept through all those calls, ' she thought.

She went out of her room. It was a busy Sunday. The television was on with news on it. Her dad watching the debate between the politicians which was a total chaos. Her cousin was making french toast. While her mother was talking on the phone.

"Mom." She called but her mother hardly acknowledged her.
"Mother!" At that, Gita's mom looked at her and widened her eyes boring holes in her.

After few minutes, while Gita was having breakfast, her mother smacked her on the head.

"Oww!" Gitanjali said touching her head.
"You didn't see me taking on the phone? Why were you yelling 'mom', 'mom'? Have patience! Now tell me, what happened?"asked her mom.