varsity | vmin

42

     Jimin wasn't breathing.

Granted, was he ever really breathing? Is it possible to be brain dead, but still physically alive, no machines attached?

Life was so much different a week ago. Exactly one week ago everything was okay. Everything functioned as it should. Everything behaved as normal. Nothing could've been a warning sign to Jimin that this is where he would be in only a weeks time.

     Now, Jimin couldn't get through a single day without a reminder. He couldn't even manage to do the dishes without suddenly bursting into tears out of nowhere, his boyfriend rushing to hug him until he stopped. He couldn't eat a single meal without tears soiling his food, food that his boyfriend had slaved over for him to make him feel better. Jimin couldn't even sleep at night until the tears glued his eyes shut and the convulsions tired his body out to a point of fatigue, and of course his boyfriend had to help him through it all.

     Jimin hated being a nuisance just as much as he hated the cruel ways of the world. No matter how much Taehyung would try and convince him otherwise or that he was more than willing to be there for him through the loss of his mother, Jimin still knew he was a nuisance, and he hated himself for it.

     And now that he was standing inside the funeral home once again for the day he had always dreaded the most since the diagnosis, he waited for another episode to hit. He waited for one more wave to crash into him, forcing him to inhale the roaring waters so that he could finally drown. He was watching the faces of people he and his mother once knew mope around just like himself. Though there was a clear difference in the energy each grieving person carried. It was true that nobody grieves the same. Could it be true that Jimin would never be done grieving?

     "Come on, Jiminie."

     The hand that collided with the older's spine restarted his heart and caused him to revive into the world he longed to hide from. Everything he wanted to escape was real. It was all very, very overwhelmingly real.

     Jimin finally looked up to his boyfriend who mustered up the best smile he could manage. It was weak which only made both mourning boys feel weaker. It was clear that neither one of them wanted to move forward into the room. The room that contained all of the familiar depressed faces and idle bodies. Not to mention the single body everyone attended to honor, Jimin's mom.

The beautiful casket that encased her lay perched towards the farthest wall from the couple, the sea of church pews facing the rose ocean. It was as if Jimin had forgotten how to swim and one step into the room would guarantee he would surely drown.

     Jimin felt funny.

     And not in the way he felt a second ago, or more so the lack of feeling he had moments prior. Now, it was physical.

     It was almost as if the mere thought of entering the room before him caused his entire body to go numb, feeling his knees lock in place. He went stiff like before, but this time a lot more intensely.

     Jimin could feel his heart punching his lungs, literally causing his air flow to run tight. It was like he was now aware of the blood that was rapidly coursing through his veins, his nerves stinging him from the inside as a warning sign almost.

     Now that the sharp pain finally reached his head, he found some movement in his arm, shooting it upwards to grab his right temple, massaging it gently. That's when he began to sweat, his body attacking him from inside out. Jimin didn't even need to see himself to know that his face had now turned a sickly pale tone, his vision fading along with his color.

     "Min, are you okay?"

     Apparently someone took notice of the boy's alarmingly off state, calling out to him from afar. The voice was familiar and feminine, perhaps it belonged to Jaehee. Though Jimin couldn't really tell as he felt himself fall deeper and deeper into the unexplainable sensation.