Drown ( Joker love story )

Him

These thoughts are like a parasite. Always festering in my head and eating away at me. Why couldn't they just leave me alone? Nasty, Disgusting, vile thoughts! Always feeding. Always right there!

"Arthur are you going to drink your tea?" 

My mind was brought back by that sweet voice I had grown to love. That gentle calming voice. I looked up across the table at Anna and half smiled before picking up the cardboard cup and taking a sip feeling the hardly warm liquid slide down my throat. Anna recommended tea for my troubling thoughts. 

Its just stress Arthur.

She was always so optomistic for me. Always telling me I would get my big break one day. Always pushing me to be the best version of myself, but deep down I knew there was a version of me that just wanted the world to suffer like it had made me suffer for all those years. I wanted to see them all on the ground beaten and bleeding, but at the same time I wanted them laughing with me not at me. 

I wanted both. 

I looked at Anna and noticed her biting her nails. A poor habit she developed in college. I leaned across the table and nervously grabbed her wrist pulling it down. She gave me a weak smile before sitting up straight putting her long almost white hair into a messy bun. 

"Arthur I have a boyfriend!" She laughed a little looking down and away from me biting her lip while the feeling of pure heartbreak dropped to my stomach, "He's in psych with me. I think you two would like each other."

She finally looked back at me with her bright blue eyes and reached over the table squeezing my hand. I pulled my hand back and looked down before looking back up and letting out a fake, but believable laugh. 

"That's great Anna!," I laughed and sat back in my chair looking as her expression went from worried to relieved, "I'm happy for you! Does he uhm know about me?"

She blushed and looked down scratching the red polish off her nails, "Of course he does. It took him a while to ask me because he thought you were my boyfriend. Can you believe that?"

I shook my head and laughed with her shrugging, "No! I mean come on, a beautiful young girl like you with a guy fifteen years older than you? Get a grip!" 

She laughed with me for a moment before the laughter died. Right, a guy like me. You mean a pathetic loser who can't get a job? A complete waste of human life! Why can't you ever get anything right you slimy pathetic fuck!

"Arthur are you alright?" Anna frowned causing me to follow her gaze to the bread knife I was gripping. 

I nodded and got up grabbing my coat and rubbed her shoulder telling her I would see her later on in the day before making my way quickly out of the coffee shop. I ran my hand through my hair and groaned before walking down an ally way. I leaned my forehead on the wall before feeling tears come to my eyes. I would always be nothing more than a pathetic waste of life who lived with his sick mother. Anna would never see how lucky she was to have me in her life. To have me care for her unlike her stupid boyfriend! I wanted to kill him. I wanted him out of her life.

"Hey prick! Give me yah cash!" A boy yelled walking up smirking breaking out a switchblade. 

He will do

With all the rage built up in me I lunged at the boy punching him across the face. 

That felt good. 

As he held his jaw I took the switchblade from his hand and slammed him against the wall laughing. He looked at me terrified and I loved it. I felt so...empowered. I smiled and ran the knife down his neck watching him quiver and shake. I finally felt my senses come back and I backed away letting him go. He took off and I dropped the knife walking out of the ally hurriedly back to my apartment. 

I opened the decrepit door slamming it behind me bypassing my mother watching tv in the living room. I walked straight to the bathroom slamming the door. I turned the facet to the sing and looked in the mirror breathing heavily. At first I couldn't recognize who I was looking at. This wasn't Arthur Fleck. It was something much more sadistic. It was someone who wanted to watch the world burn. I didn't know him. But I needed to. I cracked a smile and laughed at the mirror before splashing water onto it and doing a little twirl before spinning back around to look at myself again. 

There I was. Arthur. Pathetic little Arthur. The other man was gone. I would find him again. I would kill to be him. I needed him.