Sanders sides one shots and mini stories

Be more chill (Logicality)

High school  A.U.

Patton's POV

"So.... it's like, drugs?" I asked skeptically.

"It's better that drugs patton..." Roman started, "IT'S FROM JAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN"

"It's a gray oblong pill, quantum nano-technology CPU!!! The quantum computer in the pill, will travel through your blood until it implants in your brain and it tells you what to doooooo!!!" He exclaimed at me, "it helps you to be coooooool!!!"

"And this will make Logan like me?" I asked again, seemingly interested.

"But of course it will my dear Patton! However the starting price is 600$," Roman responded with a smile.

"600 WHA- *Chokes*"

Timeskip brought to you by crofters, the only jelly I'll put in my belly.

I'm on my way, walking home alone. My best friend Virgil and I just bought my squip, but then he had to leave. I took it with mountain dew like I was instructed, but so far I feel the sa- "AAAAAAAARRRGGGHH" I screeched in agony, clutching my head as it ached.

The world seemed to spin as I could here the words. "Patton Baker. Born male. Age: 16. Likes: Logan Crofter, dad jokes, puns. Dislikes: bananas, bullies, English class.

I felt the pain and spinning suddenly stop as I turned to face a man that came out or nowhere, glowing yellow.

He wore a black top hat with a yellow stripe, yellow gloves and was just clad in black and yellow. The left side of his face was covered in snake scales and he had a yellow cat eye.

"Patton Baker, what are your preferred pronouns?" He asked looking directly at me.

"I-I use he/h-him pronouns..." I responded, still in shock of what just happened.

"Well, Patton Sanders, welcome to your Sequence Quantum Unit Intel Processor, in other words, your squip."

"My wAHt?!" I exclaimed/shouted, my voice cracking on the end.

"Talk to me in your mind, we can communicate telepathically, plus, no one else can see me," he held his hand out to point out the group of joggers and the couple walking by on the side walk giving me weird looks for seemingly talking to nothing.

I blushed and started walking again.

The squip explained the whole shabang to me on the way home. He told me he could help me get Logan to like me.

I'm still kind of skeptical, after all, the word 'deceit' was written on the pill....

The next day I went to school.

(Italics is squip-deceit ok?)

"Hands out of your pokets. Straighten your posture. Logan is a serious person. Do you think that he will settle for a slob like you?"

"But I thought, the greatest tactic was to just be myself?..." I inqired, confused.

"It is. But it won't work if you're...you. repeat after me, 'everything about you is so terrible', say it."

"Everything about me is so terrible." I repeated under me breath casting my gaze down at my desk sadly. The squip was right.

"Everything about you makes me wanna die"

"Everything about me makes me wanna d-die." I repeated again, close to tears and stuttering a little.

"Good now you-"

"Good now you-" I cut him off giggling a bit. What? He told me to copy him.

"You can stop now-"

"You can stop now-" I cut him off again, repeating what he said and giggling more, until I felt a small electric shock shoot up my body and I yelped.

"No more jokes. Ever. Do you understand Patton? No dad jokes, no one-liners, no puns. You will change." The squip said in such a stern voice that sent shivers down my spine, or maybe that's just post electrical shock.

"Every time you think of a joke of any kind, I tally it, and when we get to your house at the end of the day, I multiply the number by 20, and that's how much push ups you'll do."

"Yes squip," I replied, looking down at the table sadly again.

"Good."

Logan walked into the classroom! What do i do?!

"Act smart. Tell him he excites you sexually."

"I can't say that!"

"Do it."

"H-hey, Logan." I said, timidly.

"Oh, salutations Patton." He responded.

Y-you excite me sexually!" I blurted out quickly.

Logan raised an curious and concerned eyebrow and then wore a relaxed facial expression.
"Oh, is that one of your jokes? Good one." He responded and chuckled lightly at the end.

"See, he already doesn't take you seriously. We'll fix that."

This is going to be a long process...

To be continued...