You Can't Save Me ~Septiplier~

10

~Marks POV~
I always knew I was different. From the moment I could actually start to know what I was doing, I knew I was different. Instead of playing with toy trucks, or outside in the mud, I stayed inside and played with dolls. Not the action figure type dolls typical boys would play with, I mean Barbie dolls. I used to dress them up in as many fancy outfits as I could buy. Once I couldn't buy anymore, I made them. I taught myself to sew at a young age so I could make beautiful dresses for my dolls. My dad never minded how I acted or what I played with, he always supported me. My mom on the other hand, well, she used to try to force me to be more "boyish."

She would take my dolls away from me and give me the toy trucks my brother used to play with. She would lock me outside in the rain so I would play in the puddles. She did whatever she could to make me seem more like a boy. It never mattered to her what I wanted, or what made me happy. All that mattered was that none of her friends found out her son played with barbies. I remember one day, she took away my dolls and gave me the stupid trucks. I had another doll hidden in the room that I took out. I put the doll in the truck, thinking that it wouldn't matter to her since I was still technically playing with the damn truck. That was the first time she hit me.

When her hand first hit my face, I was just in shock. It wasn't until a few seconds after that I felt the pain and started to cry. My dad rushed in when he heard me, and I told him what my mother did. I don't think I've ever heard my dad yell as loud as he did that day. After that, my dad filed for divorce, and soon enough, my brother and I were living with my dad. He didn't get full custody of us, we still had to go to my moms every other weekend and stay with her for half the summer. He was driving me to her house when it happened.

I hated going to see my mother, I hated it the entire time I had to do it. Anytime I saw her, she used to beat me. She used to hit me really hard, but she never left bruises. She threatened to hurt my brother if I ever told my dad about it, so I never did. My dad was taking me to her house so I could stay there for the first half of my summer. I never ended up making it to her house. My dad and I got into an accident on the road, and I had to go to the hospital. My father didn't make it. I remember when I woke up, I was screaming about how it was my fault. Everyone at the hospital said it wasn't, but they don't know what really happened. No one knows what actually happened in that car. No matter what anyone says, my fathers death is on me, and me alone.

After I got out of the hospital, I was told I was going to live with my mom. My brother and my dog went to live with my grandparents, but they didn't have enough money for all of us. My mother only agreed to take me because she had to. My life turned into a living hell because of my mother. She told basically my entire school that I was gay, which caused me to get bullied everyday. She beat me all the time, and she no longer cared about leaving bruises. I moved in with them when I was 8, and I've lived there ever since. I learned to hate myself even more than anyone else hates me. I discovered the wonders of hurting myself. I stopped eating and threw up anything I did it in order to lose weight. All I want to do now, is just die. I want to just leave this world and everyone in it.

Of course, not everything goes as planned. One day, while walking home, I noticed a boy with his hair dyed green on the top. I knew who he was, but I had never really noticed how beautiful he was until that moment. His name was Jack Mcloughlin. He wasn't really in the popular crowd, but he was friends with everyone. Well, everyone except me. I never really blamed him for that, I was practically invisible in the hallways and my classes. I never went to talk to anyone, and no one ever talked to me. Eventually, I started to notice everything about Jack. I noticed how the corner of his mouth will twitch when he's about to smile, I noticed everything like that. I knew that I started to like him, and I knew I was developing a crush on this boy. Honestly, for awhile, I only stayed alive so I would get to see his face at school. He never knew who I was, but I knew who he was, and I loved him.

However, one day, things changed. He noticed me. Of course, it was when I was beaten up in the hallway, but he noticed me. I don't know what got into him, or why he even bothered to talk to me, but he did. He even introduced me to his friends, and let me sit with him at lunch. But all good things must come to an end. I should have known it was too good to be true, after all, I'm not allowed to be happy. As it turns out, Jack was pretending to be my friend the entire time. For what? I have absolutely no idea, but I know he was planning it with Wade, so it wasn't good. I heard Jack talking to Wade in the hall, I knew he was playing me. So I just stopped talking to Jack. I ignored him at school, I ignored his texts, his calls, everything. It broke my heart to do that, but I couldn't let him break me down anymore than I already am. That's why I'm writing this note now. I can't handle all of this heartbreak, all of this pain. I'm giving up. I'm going to leave this godforsaken world, and all the heartless fucking people it contains.

I don't know who's going to read this note, hell I don't even know who it's for. I just know that this all needs to be said. People need to know just what pushed me over the edge, just what happened to Mark Fischbach. I'm not writing this to hurt people, but I know people will be hurt. At this point, there's no denying that my mom, Shane, Wade, my bullies, and Jack all played a part in this. Whether they feel pain or remorse about my miserable life is their problem, not mine. After this, I won't have anymore problems. After this, I will finally be free of all of the pain I've gone through. Well, I guess that all I have to say in this note. Goodbye.
-Mark Fischbach

I put down my pen and flexed my pained hand from all of the writing. I didn't intend to write that much in my note. I guess I just felt like it all needed to be said. As nervous as I was, I needed to die, and it needed to happen now. There's no other option for me.

Before actually going through with the act, and taking the pills, I decided to go to the park, one last time. I needed to clear my head so my mind was clear when I died. I climbed out my window and started making the 10 minute walk to the park. While walking, I started to think about Jack. Of course, my mind is on Jack, just like it always is. Part of me truly wanted to talk to him, to ask him about what he said. Just in the hopes that maybe it was a misunderstanding, but I heard exactly what he said, there was no mistake. Even if it wasn't, I wanted to hear his voice, see his face, one last time. However, I knew that hearing or seeing him would make me want to live again. I was so desperately in love with him, that not only would I die for him, I would live for him when all I wanted was to die.

I made it to the park and sat down on my favorite swing. I started to think about what Shane does to me, how he rapes me basically any chance he gets. I didn't include that in the note for a reason. I don't want anyone to know that happens to me. People would just call me a whore and tell me I wanted it. If people knew he did it, they would do it too. As messed up as it sounds, that's just what happens. No matter what, someone will always force themselves into me. I'm just a puppet to them, my body is just a toy. I don't belong to myself, and I'll never belong to the one I love. I'll always belong to the ones who force me to take them. I was planning on giving myself to the one I love. I never wanted any of what I was given, but I'm gay. I'm gay so I must want all of the dick inside me, right? That's what everyone thinks, no matter what I do, that's how it'll always be.

After my think sessions, I decided it was time to head home and do what I needed to do. I took the 10 minute walk home, my head completely clear, no thoughts whatsoever. Once I got to my house, I climbed up the side and back into my room. I looked around it and saw the sleeping pills I had been saving just for this occasion. I poured them out into my hand and looked at all of them. I had 11 pills in my hand, and a simple google search told me that was more than enough. I grabbed my drink and sat on my bed. After putting my legs under the covers, I put the pills in my mouth and drank my water. After feeling them go down my throat, I laid my head down on my pillow and closed my eyes. After about 15 minutes, I passed out, and was plunged into darkness for the rest of eternity.