Something Sweet

Nightmares

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"Are we actually doing this?"

John and Alex Laurens-Hamilton were sitting on their bed, shuffling through brochures and starting to fill out applications. They were beginning to start the process of adopting a child, something that they had been thinking about for almost a year, and were still silently debating to themselves inside their minds if it was the right choice. Until John questioned his husband, sure that he wasn't alone in his thoughts.

"John, I have made up my mind. You know I can't make up yours too," Alex replied. "I want us to both be one-hundred percent before I click send."

John groaned and snuggled into the comforter. He didn't want to decide.

On one hand, adopting would help an in-need child, and it would give them joy. But on the other, they wouldn't have as much free time, and a kid is a huge responsibility. Alex could see John's thoughts, he moved his head to the left each time he thought of a pro in a situation, something Alex loved about him.

"Let's just click it," John said suddenly. "Before I change my mind."

Alex felt like he was going to burst as he slowly clicked his mouse. A little child, living with him. A little child, looking up to him. A little child...

...growing up to be just like him.

"No..," Alex moaned as he shot up from his pillow.

For the last three months, Alex had been having the same nightmare. He couldn't imagine a kid being his. He felt like he was going to ruin a child's life with his influence.

John started to stir beside Alex, so the latter slowly got up from the bed and glanced at the clock: 2:14 am. He yawned and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he began to walk towards the kitchen, eager to pour a pot of black coffee. He was going to work on the essay that he had started to keep his mind on track.

He set an alarm on his phone to remind him to stop so he could head to work, he knew better than anyone that he could sit for hours without realizing, the repeated clicking of his keyboard keys moving his mind along a track of ideas that just kept flowing.

Alex poured his coffee and sat down to begin, just getting comfortable, when his cell rang.

"Hamilton speaking," he stated to the caller. "Who is this?"

"The New York City Family Steps Adoption Age-"

"Oh! Okay! Is everything alright?" Alex nervously asked. He got the impression that something had went wrong with their recommendation later, something they submitted a few weeks ago.

"Oh yes everything is fine! Sorry for the strange hour, I'm in California and I was trying to get you at a good time, but I waited too long and- well it's not important just know I apologize."

Alex grinned to himself. Marlene was their connection in the adoption agency, and she had a tendency to ramble, but she was good-people and he really did enjoy speaking with her.

"Anyways, the agency approved you to adopt," Marlene said casually.

Alex choked on his drink as he stood up.

"What?!"

Marlene laughed on the other line and repeated herself.

"Oh my..Thank you! Thank you so much!"

"Oh it wasn't me. All you. So, now don't get too optimistic, because now we have to find a kid. It could be up to two years before that happens. "

Alex's smile didn't falter, they were prepared for this. They knew the time this would take up.

"Of course. So, is that everything?"

"Yep. Congrats!"

Alex profusely thanked Marlene, made some small talk, and then around 3:00 finally couldn't contain his excitement any longer.

"Thank you again Marlene, but John has classes before work today and I have to-"

"No problem, I get it. Good luck Alex, I really do hope this is a quick process for you and John."

"Thank you. Have a good night," Alex replied as he hung up the phone.

Alex wanted nothing more than to run into his and John's bedroom and to shout that they were approved, but he decided to do something special and started to make breakfast.

At 4 am, John's alarm went off and he slowly got out of the bed, he wasn't a morning person.

"Babe? Can you check and see where I left my bag?" John called out to Alex.

He knew that his husband wasn't in bed because he didn't make it any secret. John heard Alex coughing and thanking someone through the morning, but had no clue who it was. Maybe he was talking to Washington, and that position at the firm opened up.

"I sat it with your shoes by the door," Alex responded. "Come on, I made breakfast and it's starting to get cold!"

"You cooked?" John snorted from the hallway. "Not sure if I want it hot or cold."

As John rounded into the kitchen, Alex gave him a "shut-up" look. John laughed and took a seat at the small island, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

"Here," Alex poured some eggs onto a plate and handed it to John. "Want a coffee?"

"Yes please. Hey, who were you talking to earlier?"

"Oh, sorry I didn't know you were awake. It was just Marlene."

"That early? What did she wa-," John gasped. "Was it good news?"

"It wasn't bad news.."

John furrowed his brows.

"We just got approved is all," Alex grinned.

John jumped up out of his seat and dropped his jaw.

"We what?!"

"We got approved to adopt."

"Oh my God!"

John ran to Alex and pulled him into a bear-hug, and Alex laughed.

"Yeah. I know."

The two men ate their breakfast and laughed and day-dreamed about their future child, excited by all of the possibilities. They didn't care how long it took, they just cared that they were going to be parents.

"I love you," John told Alex.

"I love you too," Alex grinned.

He wasn't afraid of his nightmares anymore.