Is Anyone Out There?

Chapter 9

I can't believe he knows. I've succeed for so long, no one knew. I have been keeping it a secret for so long, since 7th grade, and just like that. I've been found out. I'm scared. What is he going to think, going to do? What if he thinks I'm some kind of monster? I think that of myself already. I can sense that he is looking at me differently, even though I can't see his face, I know. 

A bunch of emotions are swelling all up inside of me and I can't take it. I break down and let it all out. I turn away from Jake and grasp onto Jasey, sobbing into her soft fur. She wriggles in my grasp and turns around to lick the tears from my cheeks. "Kitty," Jake sounds in pain. In pain from seeing me cry? Or in pain from knowing I'm different and not normal like he thought I was? "Come here, I didn't mean to make you cry," I let him wrap me in his arms and my body fits into his.  "It's a touchy subject," he whispers. "I would know," he trails off.

What? He would know? How could he know? Jake's life is perfect. He has the perfect family, one that's not dysfunctional. Parents that don't abuse him. He's attractive and has a great personality going for him. And he's not fucked up... like I am. I sniff, trying to stay strong but I don't think I can anymore.

"I know how you feel, Kitty. Like you're in a deep, dark, fucking hole of despair and that you're a worthless piece of shit," I nod, even though he's making me feel even more like shit. He's describing exactly how I feel on a daily basis. I'm getting close to breaking now, I can't keep up my strong act for much longer. 

Jake gets up and walks around so he can look at me. He gently pulls my head up with his hand to look me in the eyes. "I understand exactly what you're going through, trust me. But I don't think you are worthless at all," he comes close to me as I begin to snap. Does he really mean it? Has he really gone through this? Does he really believe I'm not worthless? 

"Please believe me when I say this, Kitty." He takes my hands into his and Jasey jumps off of me, but I don't even really notice. I'm too busy silently sobbing and staring at Jake in awe. "I think..." his voice cracks like he his crying too, but I can't tell and don't care if he is or not. I only care about what he is saying to me. "I think that you are the most beautiful, sweetest, funniest, greatest, most wonderful and absolutely the strongest person I have ever met and I really do mean it," he tells me. "I know that it sounds really cheesy, but frankly I don't give a fuck because it's the truth," I then notice that he's right in front of me as he leans in a bit more and presses his lips into mine. 

I can't believe this is happening. And somehow, I can't really imagine my first kiss being any different. I am shaking, and I'm pretty sure I am about to have an anxiety attack, but I don't care. All I really care about are my lips on Jake's. The taste of our salty tears is mixing with the metal from his lip ring, but I really don't care. I cannot believe that after finding out about my scars, Jake can still accept me and I can feel so loved. 

I wrap my shaky arms around his neck and pull myself closer, ignoring the pain from the pressure of my cuts pressing into his neck. He places his hands on my waist, careful not to be too aggressive, and I thank him for that by biting down gently on his lip. He moans quietly in response. I don't think I would be able to continue if he was force full in any way. 

Jake lets me choose how hard we kiss, and how far we go. I pull away after flicking the metal of his lip ring with my tongue, but tears are still running down my cheeks. "Jake, I- I'm so sorry," I pick up where we left off before the kiss, before he said I was beautiful and continue sobbing. 

"Shh Kitty," he wraps me in his arms and lets me cry, running his fingers through my hair. "Don't be sorry and don't cry," he rubs my back. "I'm here for you, I swear," Those are the words that I need to hear, the words I've needed to hear from someone... anyone ever since I was a kid with no idea what was happening to me. My wracking sobs become less frequent as I am calming down with Jake whispering soothing phrases to me. 

"How?" I ask, sniffling with minimal tears running down from my eyes. "How do you know what I feel everyday Jake?" 

"Come here Kitty," he turns off the TV and leads me in the dark to his bed. I sit down on it while he turns on the light. I see his shoulders rise and fall with a deep breath and he turns around. He's removed the bracelets that he usually wears and I can little white lines running up and down the length of his forearms. I can't believe it.  "This is how,"

I sit on the bed, staring. I know it's rude and a I really shouldn't be, but I'm staring in awe. Awe that someone so perfect as Jake with nothing to be ashamed of did that to himself. Jake sits next to me on the bed and wraps his scarred arms around me. I fell safe in them. I have nothing to hide anymore and it feels... amazing. "Can you please stop Kitty, for me?" he whispers into my ear.

I nod almost immediately. "I'll try my best Jake," I turn my head to look at him. "I- I promise," Jake sticks out his pinky finger and I hook it with mine.

A/N: So, I was going to make this chappie longer buuut... I felt like this was the perfect place to end it. AND afdahdfglokadofn they kissed!!!! :) HOW THE HELL DID MY STORY GET ALMOST 1,000 READS?!?!?!?!?!?!? I LOVE ALL OF YOU GUYS SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!! I really truely mean that. I like cried when I saw this had so many reads!