Villainous [Hitoshi Shinso X Reader]

[Chapter 24]: Senses

One sheep... Two sheep... Three sheep...
     It has been going on for days now and I wasn't the only one who seemed to be noticing.
     When Aizawa came back late that fateful night, something had seemed off between the two of us. His eyes wouldn't meet my own and I could barely hold a conversation without my mind evidently wandering off to another place.
     I didn't mention it—neither did he.
Still, I couldn't help but wonder what had happened in his meeting to cause this seemingly uncrossable rift... I didn't press. Pressing would mean opening myself up to the same and I just couldn't tell him the truth. How could I tell him the truth?
I was losing my mind.
     One sheep... Two sheep... Three sheep...
Whenever Aizawa left the house, I would see her—Saya playing outside my window in the streets; Saya climbing trees; Saya making silly faces at me from her spot on the ground below my window... By the time I made it out of the apartment, she was always gone.
     Walking to the store or to one of my friends' houses was much of the same—everywhere I looked, there she was. So close, but always out of reach. No matter what I did, I always found myself unable to save the light that burned so brightly within her...
Just as it had been the day of her death.
That's why I haven't left the house much as of late. These episodes were becoming stronger and more pronounced. I was beginning to worry.
     One sheep... Two sheep... Three sheep...
I had toyed with the possibility that I was seeing her spirit, but I was quirkless now—there was no possible way that I could actually be seeing her soul. That would leave only one other logical conclusion: Saya was alive.
     A bitter scoff pushed past my lips.
It was foolish of me to even entertain the possibility. I knew that she was dead. No matter how much I longed to believe otherwise, I knew the facts—I couldn't unsee what I saw.
     So how was this possible?
     The image of her deranged, yet melancholic grin from a few nights ago flashed in my mind and I grit my teeth. It couldn't be Saya. Even if it looked like her, even if it sounded like her—my baby sister's eyes would never look as pained as those of the one impersonating her. She would never hurt a fly, let alone a rabbit. The sight of blood made her queasy and she couldn't stand it when others cried.
     Her soul was just too gentle.
     No, I concluded firmly. Saya could never be like this—like me.
Curling into a ball, I pulled my fluffy constraints closer around my body—shivering, but not against the chilly air. It was one in the morning. Clouds filled the starry sky and blotted out the moon, allowing nothing but the orange glow of the street lamps to illuminate my room. As I stared blankly at the wall, I picked up counting sheep for the eleventh time that night.
     One sheep... Two sheep... Three sheep...
     Sleepless nights were becoming routine for me, as were the incessant thoughts plaguing my every hour. I couldn't escape them, not with so many unknowns. There was still no news on Hitoshi, Aizawa was keeping secrets, and Saya... she was haunting me.
     "(Y/N)," the tiny voice continued sobbing. "Please let me in. Why won't you look at me?"
     I screwed my eyes shut tight, hoping against all odds that it would stop. Blocking out reality proved futile, however, because even though I had tried this tactic many times before, she was always there—gently tapping at my window as I tried to sleep.
     "Big sister..."
     The hurt in her voice had tears rolling down my cheeks. I knew that there was no point. I knew that I would only hurt myself. Yet I turned to face the window anyways.
     No one was there.
     One sheep... Two sheep... Three sheep...
     I choked on a sob, trying to contain the sounds in my blankets. If Aizawa heard me, he'd surely rush to my aid. How could I tell him that the reason I was crying was because I kept seeing my dead sister?
     Rolling back over in bed, I reached across my nightstand for the bottle of sleeping pills I had been taking. They were my only solace in this nightmare of a reality. A dreamless sleep was a mercy that I did not deserve, but I was too selfish to bear the pain.
     As I uncapped the lid and began shaking one out into my palm, I heard her again.
     "Don't... please..." She whispered. "Don't shut me out."
     My hand stilled. Slowly, I turned around.
     "I'm not," I rasped. "I'm putting you to rest."
     Staring lifelessly through the empty windowpane, I shook out another pill and swallowed them dry.
     One sheep... Two sheep... Three sheep...
     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
     Indiscreet shuffling was certainly a cause for alarm. The muffled male grunting coinciding with it made it even more so.
     My room was small and admittedly a bit of a mess since I've gotten home from the hospital, so it wasn't easy to maneuver around, especially in the dark. For this reason, I remained still. Contemplating my options was the best course of action. After all, I couldn't just go rushing into things like I used to...
     Pretending to be asleep, I briefly considered that it may be Aizawa, but I dismissed it quickly. I knew it wasn't him. He would have woken me up by now with some nonsense about checking the locks on my window. In reality, he had been checking on me every night to make sure that I was still there. That I was still breathing.
  Everyone had been on edge since the League abducted Hitoshi and Aizawa wasn't taking any chances.
I tried not to let it show, but it was clear that he could sense my unease with the whole situation. So he did what any father would do: hover. Nonetheless, both his subtle and blatantly obvious displays of concern reminded me that he still cared—even if we were somehow at odds at the moment. Aizawa didn't know that I knew the truth behind what he was doing every night. I decided to let him think that he was sneaky.
     However, he had already done his rounds that night and this person was much too inexperienced at shuffling around my clothes to be Aizawa. I was waiting for the perfect moment to strike—when they would inevitably trip over the stack of books positioned at the foot of my bed. There was no way to avoid it unless you knew it was there.
     I readied my fists.
     Yet nothing happened. Not a single shout of surprise or a hard thud as their body hit the ground. Nothing.
     A part of me wondered if I was imagining other people aside from Saya.
     When the footsteps grew closer and I could feel the person looming above me, I tensed in preparation for an attack. They leaned in closer.
     "I'm not supposed to be here," lips brushed across my forehead as light as a feather. "But it's so hard to stay away..."
     That touch.
     I jolted, flying out of bed and across the room. My back pressed itself against the wall opposite to the bed and my eyes were as wild as a deer caught in headlights. My breathing was ragged.
A hand flew to my aching chest. I wondered if my rapid heartbeat was audible to the person before me: "Hitoshi?"
     Deep lavender eyes stared back at me, just as startled as I was and appearing somewhat alarmed. He stumbled back, effectively tripping over the very stack of books that I had been waiting for him to hit.
     A slew of curses escaped his lips. Hitoshi tried to regain his balance, but I was already dashing across the room and toppling onto his form as he fell. My momentum drove us backwards, allowing no time for him to recover. I wrapped my arms tightly about his waist, refusing to let go even as we hit the ground.
     "H-Hitoshi," I stuttered, awestruck. "Is this—are you... real?"
     My hands moved to cup his cheeks, wonderingly stroking his cheekbones before moving to graze his lips with my fingertips. "You are," I breathed. "How? How did you escape? I'm so glad that you're here! Hitoshi—"
     I was cut off by his warm, calloused hands gripping my chin. He stared at me for only a moment, eyes tracing every plane and angle, before dragging me into a long, needy kiss. His tongue wasted no time slipping into my mouth—being met with little resistance—and I was instantly overwhelmed by his familiar taste.
     He groaned throatily into my mouth, desperately grabbing at my body in a blind attempt to pull me closer. One of my hands found purchase in the fabric of his shirt while the other moved to tangle in his hair. It all felt so surreal.
     We pulled away much to our mutual dissatisfaction, breathing heavily.
     "God, it's been way too long," he murmured.
My hands ghosted over his body, still not quite believing that he was truly there with me—that this was real. His usual attire had been exchanged in favour of a satin, purple dress shirt rolled up to his elbows and a black mask pulled down to rest against his chest. I eyed the new look, wondering where he had acquired it, but not entirely disliking it.
Then my eyes trailed back up to his face. His eyes were darker than usual, bags more prominent than ever, and his fluffy hair was just as messy as I recalled. But... there was the smallest of frowns tugging at the corners of his lips, his facial expression pinched and set into a grim mask.
"Hitoshi," I murmured softly, painfully aware of Aizawa's presence behind the wall. "What happened?"
He stared at me. For a fleeting moment, I thought that he wasn't going to answer. That was until he lifted his left hand, brandishing a crisp white envelope with my name in black ink scrawled across the front.
"I—," he paused, trying to collect his thoughts. "I needed to see you. To make sure that you were okay and to tell you that I am too. I was just going to leave you this letter and go... but you kind of fucked up my plan."
The wry chuckle that escaped his parted lips had my heart clenching in my chest. "So... you're not here to stay...?"
Hitoshi stiffened at my question. He shook his head. "I can't."
"Yes, you can!" I wailed, louder than I intended. "You can come back! You're here now, they can't get you!"
     The muffled groan from the next room over silenced us both. We paused a beat, breath hitching in our throats. When the coast was clear and Aizawa's stirring ceased, Hitoshi smiled sadly.
     "They would know exactly where I went. They would come for you—"
"I don't care," tears were flowing uncontrollably down my cheeks. "Let them come! They can't do anything to me that they haven't already done!"
"They'll take you back," his voice was strained. "I'm not going to let that happen."
     "Hitoshi, don't sacrifice your future for me," I demanded. "You don't have to do the things that they're telling you to do. Their threats—"
     "Are real," he cut me off.
     We fell silent, studying each other. The hard set of his jaw told me that his stubborn nature was unshakable, but I wasn't ready to give up.
"You're supposed to be a hero," I grinned encouragingly, but the sight was inexpressibly sad with the tears rolling down my face. "That's your destiny. I was always meant to be a villain, Hitoshi. It's okay."
He gently detached my arms from around his waist and stood. I watched brokenly as he retrieved his phone from the front pocket of his black vest and pressed a button. Suddenly, there was a purple portal swirling dangerously in the corner of my room, beckoning Hitoshi to walk through.
"What's the point of being a hero if you can't protect the one thing that matters the most to you?"
My eyes widened in shock, quickly morphing into terror as he stepped closer to the portal. "Don't do this! You're not a villain!"
His eyes sparkled with secrets untold and he smiled. He smiled that heartbreaking smile that rendered me speechless and choking for air. "For you, I'll be the devil."
Watching his retreating form disappear through the portal, my feet moved of their own volition and I sprang into action.
Everything that I had lost began flashing before my eyes—my sister, my pride, my happiness. I couldn't allow anything else that was dear to me to slip away from my grasp. I wouldn't.
Just as the swirling gate began to warp and waver behind him, I threw my body forward—
    Only to grunt as I impacted with hard ground, rolling onto my back to catch my breath. Did I... make it?
My eyes were squeezed shut to fend off a wave of nausea—who knew that portal travelling could cause motion sickness? I splayed my hands out beside my body, grounding myself. The cool cement beneath my fingertips and improperly dressed figure made me shiver.
"(Y/N)?" Hitoshi's concerned voice shook. "What are you doing?!"
"That's my line," my snarky smile quivered.
His eyes were ablaze with an intensity I hadn't seen from him in a long time. "You have to go home."
"Not without you."
He growled desperately, hands raking through his hair. "Go home, (Y/N)! Someone will be here any minute to debrief me and you can't be here when they do!"
The prospect of losing him again was enough to make my hands shake. "Come with me."
     He opened his mouth to retort, but was cut short by distorted voices echoing down the hall.
"Shinsou," a raspy voice summoned from somewhere in the darkness.
Hitoshi glanced between me and the shadowy corridor. Upon receiving no response, heavy footsteps began striding towards us with a newfound purpose. Each creak of the floorboard heightened the promise of repentance.
His eyes widened frantically.
"Please don't leave me. Don't leave me..."
My voice cracked. "Just come home with me."
Hitoshi's head snapped back to face me. He began approaching me with a look of stone. I prepared myself for the rejection that was sure to come, but instead I found myself being pulled into an embrace. His grip was tight, desperate. Warm... I thought blissfully.
I wrapped my own arms around his torso just as fiercely and buried my face into his chest. His stance was protective, body shielding me from the rest of the world. I felt him tense beneath my fingertips.
"(Y/N)," he began, voice strained and tight. He gripped me harder. "Do you love me?"
The footsteps were drawing closer. "Shinsou—!"
My lips parted in astonishment. "Hitoshi, I—"
No words came out.
My mouth fell silent, jaw slackening, and my eyelids felt like weights. Every nerve in my body stopped responding—even my thoughts were beginning to slow. I couldn't move as Hitoshi stared wistfully into my dulled eyes. He ... just...
     "Go home."
Then all of my senses were gone.