Villainous [Hitoshi Shinso X Reader]

[Chapter 26]: Never Been Able To Save You

     Knock. Knock. Knock.
     My eyes narrowed at the invasive sound, fingers twitching at my sides. All around me the sound echoed and bounced, rattling the bars of the cell I trapped myself within inside of my mind. It was safer in here. Quieter in here—until now.
     I didn't have the time for this.
     Hiding my instability behind a bright, falsified smile, I made my way to the front of the apartment, sure to firmly shut the bedroom door behind me. Can't have any prying eyes catching sight of what lies behind it...
     Throwing open the apartment door, I was met by the cheerful gaze of none other than Ochaco herself. My cold exterior chipped at her inviting smile. The rattling ceased.
     "Ochaco?" I questioned, injecting as much vibrancy into my voice as I could. "What are you doing here?"
     Upon hearing my question, the perky girl's expression dropped into a slight frown. "You don't remember?"
     I gave her a quizzical look. "No, sorry."
     "It's fine," Ochaco sighed. "I should have expected that given how much has happened recently..."
     A vague throbbing sensation pierced my tightening chest, alerting me to my own surfacing conscious. Flakes of rust shivered and wailed as the creaky doors to my forcefully buried heart began to open.
     I really didn't have the time for this.
Nonetheless, I couldn't just blow off whatever plans we had made—it wasn't necessarily a welcomed distraction, but I couldn't bring myself to make Ochaco sad. Not only would it bring attention onto myself, but it would be rather unwise to be hasty about things.
Good plans took time. Successful plans required patience and a clear mind.
Saiki will still be around in a few hours, I assured myself. All of them will... They can wait just a little longer to meet the Undertaker. To reward their patience, I'll be sure to make it worth their while.
     "Uh, (Y/N)?" Ochaco inquired, round face appearing slightly distressed. "Why are you grinning like that?"
     My hands flitted up to my cheeks, ghosting over the corners of my lips to deduce that I was indeed smiling. The pads of my fingers prodded at the wide-stretched expanse of my grin and gently coaxed it into a neural state.
     How peculiar.
     Exhaling deeply, I decided that my personal vendetta would have to be postponed to a later date.
     "I'm just really happy to see you!" I said sweetly, effectively lowering my friend's guard. "What is it that we're doing today? I'll go get ready!"
     The shift in my attitude seemed to be giving Ochaco whiplash, but even so she responded very enthusiastically, "We're going out with the girls to get lunch! Remember at the Sports Festival when you said we should all go out to celebrate?"
     Recollections of my past promises came back to me then and my mouth fell open. "Of course! How could I forget?" I joked. "Give me a few minutes. I just need to grab a coat and some money."
     Ochaco nodded, descending down the building's stairs to wait by the front. I closed the door.
     Sauntering back to the bedroom with nothing but my dull footfalls to accompany me, I felt my lips spreading into a sickening smile once again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
     "Ochaco. (Y/N). Good to see that you were able to make it."
     I smiled in acknowledgment towards Momo's kind, though perhaps a tad formal, sentiment. "Glad to be here."
     My words were earnest. Not entirely transparent in my motives, but genuine.
     "I've been waiting so long for this!" Mina squealed exuberantly. "GIRL'S DAY!"
     There was a collective wince amongst the group of loosely packed girls as Mina shouted at a level that was less than acceptable for the quaint coffee shop that we were currently housed in. A few of the other occupants glanced in our direction. Inwardly, I sighed. I wasn't exactly thrilled to be here, but subconsciously I knew that it would probably do me some good.
     More time to gather my composure. More time to strategize.
     Once we were all sat around a large table, drinks placed in front of us by a petite, blonde waitress with a welcoming smile, everyone began chattering amicably. An elbow prodding my side drew my attention to Ochaco who was sitting to my left. She looked concerned.
     "Are you alright?" She questioned in hushed tones. Clearly she was trying to avoid gaining the attention of the other girls, likely for my benefit—nobody could outshine the brunette in regards to consideration. "You've been zoning out a lot today."
     I nodded, showcasing a bright smile to ease her worries. This time she didn't seem to buy it.
     "You can tell me anything. You know that, right?"
     I made to respond, but fell short. My heart twinged for the second time that day as the corners of her mouth fell. A curious frown tugged my own lips down at the sight, not understanding why her easily expressed emotions always had such an effect on me. Ochaco glanced away sadly with an understanding nod and began to twist her straw around in her drink.
     Out of instinct, my hand reached over to clasp her free one resting atop the table and I smiled at her again. A real smile.
     "I know I can. There's just a lot on my mind and I need to sort some things out on my own. Don't worry about me, 'kay?"
     Mood instantly lifted, Ochaco's eyes brightened with life and she squeezed my hand tightly. Reassuringly. Her light was infectious, seeping into me through every fibre of my being... so much like my sister. I hastily withdrew.
     Taking notice of our quiet conversation, some of the other girls leaned in too. Jiro was the first to speak.
     "Hey, what's with all the sullen silence?" She teased. "That's my job."
     Everyone laughed.
Warmth flooded my senses as I observed the people around me. The other girls had begun a playful banter back and forth, giggling and poking fun at one another. Slowly but surely, the chains around my cage were weakening. The walls of ice that I had so often thrown up as a child had resurfaced in retaliation to the events of a few nights ago—just as easily, they were beginning to thaw. As if they were nothing more than an ice cream cone in the sweltering heat of a summer day.
At that moment the skies opened up, releasing a torrent of heavy rain and tortured cries. The irony.
     Fairy lights were softly twinkling around the floor-to-ceiling windows lining the west front of the store, enrapturing me with their soft glow. Raindrops drummed furiously against the panes. I watched as they raced each other down the smooth surface, oddly thinking of my own internal battles. The race between the good and the bad.
In a war between forgotten demons and tainted angels, who was going to win?
Hitoshi would hate this. I can almost hear him saying, 'You think too much.' Just like that, I was snapped from the wave of numbness that had overtaken me and gripped by the harsh, icy fingers of reality. But Hitoshi isn't here.
     Forcefully shaking away the bitter thoughts, I tried to ground myself with my friends' uplifting attitudes. Mina was rambling about some new lipgloss she had found, Momo listening intently. Ochaco and Jiro were swapping stories about random mishaps in their lives—apparently when Ocacho's quirk first manifested, she had accidentally ended up floating her beachball directly into the face of a lifeguard. Finally, Tsuyu and Toru were gushing with excitement over some trip that they were supposedly going on soon. My ears perked up at the mention of Class-1A going in its entirety.
     "What's this trip?"
     Tsuyu blinked owlishly at me, seeming puzzled. "Aizawa hasn't told you?"
     Feeling uncertainty creeping into my veins, I shook my head.
     "Oh, ribbit," Tsuyu said, shocked.
     "We're all going to some training camp in the mountains! Everyone from Class-1A is gonna be there," Toru butted in, tone becoming more and more excited. "Aizawa is going too, since he's our teacher and all. I'm surprised that he didn't mention it to you."
     The news of this 'training camp' left a sour taste in my mouth. It wasn't jealousy or hurt—though, admittedly, I felt a little bit of both at the girl's airy enthusiasm. Despite being apart of their class myself, I wasn't able to go. But no, it was more than that. Aizawa hadn't told me. He hadn't talked to me in days. Nothing more than what was absolutely necessary, anyways. He was just going to up and leave without even a single notice. That fact alone pained me more than I would've liked to admit.
     Still, I brushed away Toru's curiosity with a dismissive gesture. I fixed the group with a look of feigned indifference. "When are you leaving?"
     "Tonight! That's why we wanted to have our girl's day today!" Mina chirped. "To say goodbye before we left."
     An uncomfortable swirl of emotions clouded my mind. Affection for these girls, my friends, who all wanted to spend time with me before leaving. Betrayal when I thought about Aizawa truly rendering me alone at the most vulnerable point I'd ever been, seemingly without any qualms at all...
     Dwelling proved futile as Mina was already crushing me in a hug, practically knocking over everyone's drinks in her frenzied climb over the table.
  "I'm gonna miss you so much!" The emotional girl wailed, gaining more than a few onlookers' attention.
     Gently patting the cloud of pink hair curling around my assailant's head, I breathed a quiet sigh. Now isn't the time to brood. I chided myself. Your friends went out of their way to drag you from the hole you've dug yourself just because they're going to miss you. The least you can do is have some fun.
     "Well, I'm definitely not going to miss your rowdiness."
     Mina gasped in mock-offence, slapping my arm as I chuckled.
     "But," I continued. "It's going to be hell without every single one of you guys here to liven up my days."
     Smiling faces matched my own, my words prompting a makeshift group hug. Well, at least the best we could manage given the current accommodations—it was a miracle nothing spilled. A large weight, previously settled in my heart like an impassable mountain, lifted. The ice cracked. The gates groaned. Light came flooding in.
     "I'm gonna miss you too."
     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
     When I arrived home that night, everything was quiet. I almost believed that Aizawa had already left, not even saying goodbye, but my thoughts were put to rest as I entered the living room. Sitting rigidly in the middle of the old, purple sofa was the man in question. His shoulders were stiff and hunched, fingers fiddling with themselves in his lap. His eyes were fixed to the floor.
     Neither of us spoke.
     I moved to brush past him, shut his infuriatingly lifeless presence out with a door, but was halted by long fingers clinging to my wrist. Huffing at the wordless plea, I sat on the couch beside him. The air was tense between us as Aizawa seemed to be trying to find the right words to say. Finally, I spoke up instead.
     "Were you ever planning on telling me that you were completely abandoning me for a week?" I remarked curtly, harsher than I had intended. "Or was I supposed to read between the lines of your silence and evasive departures every morning?"
     Aizawa flinched at my clipped tone and pressed his lips together in a thin line. "Sorry. I forgot about the training camp until this morning."
     I rolled my eyes at his excuse. "Then why not tell me this morning?"
     He shifted. "Bad timing."
     A short laugh escaped my mouth, loud and sarcastic. "And this is better?!"
     "I was meaning to tell you something else," Aizawa relented. "And I was trying to figure out how to do it for the last few days. I know that I've seemed... distant. I never meant to."
     Falling silent at the note of sincerity in his claim, I waited for him to continue.
     "(Y/N)... Your quirk, the part of you that All For One took... I know what it was."
     My eyes widened, unsure what he meant. "Did you and the other Pros figure it out? You never told me that when I mentioned it before...?"
     He sighed deeply. "I never wanted any of this to happen—God knows I tried to stop it—but it was this or—"
     He stopped abruptly, leaving his sentence hanging in the air. Cold chills like the breath of winter tickled the back of my neck. A whisper. A threat. A promise.
I stiffened.
     Clearing his throat, he continued. "When I took you in as a child, the military was less than cooperative. They thought that you should've been eliminated on the spot after the destruction your quirk caused," he faltered, collecting his thoughts. "But I just couldn't let that happen. You were so young and you had no idea what you were doing or how to control this power. The way you cried after what had happened—no villain could ever imitate the look of pure penitence that you wore that day. I knew that what you did wasn't an act of villainy. It was one of desperation and pain. None of it was your fault."
My breath hitched at his words, fearful of where his story was going. An overwhelming sense of unease rocked my vision and I leaned into the cushions to control the rush of vertigo roiling over my body.
"Still... I was forced to give you to the government labs. Kiro Hamada—"
I growled at the familiar name.
"—was the scientist that insisted on conducting the experiments to 'better control your quirk.' What he did... it was cruel. Unforgivable. "
     With my heart beating a frantic symphony, I dropped to the floor in front of the couch in a vain attempt to catch Aizawa's eyes. The chorus within me was approaching the crescendo, a moment of deafening suspense. There was an urgency to it, thundering and demanding, pumping fear and dread through my veins like liquid nitrogen.
     "Aizawa. What did they do? What did they do to contain my power?"
     His gaze slid to mine. I froze. These were not the eyes of the father-figure I knew. The aloof, stern man who slept in a sleeping bag on the floor during lessons. The man with a heart caring enough to take in a child shunned by the rest of the world just to give her a place to belong.
     These were the eyes of a hero who had been defeated, bone-weary and impassive. Glazed over by years of fighting for justice and seeing the cruel reality of this world while shielding everyone else from it. Chillingly vacant.
     My breath hitched and I reached out to embrace him, comfort him as he had done for me so many times before. My arms weren't able to encircle his slumped frame before a loud crash echoed throughout the house. I jumped. It came from my room.
     Aizawa was on his feet in an instant and striding purposefully towards the sound of danger. A trained hero. A protective father.
     Realizing his path of trajectory, I bolted to my feet. He can't see what I have behind those doors.
     At the same time that my body was about to hurtle into his back—anything to keep him away from what I had almost done—there was a shrill ring. Aizawa stammered, glanced at the Caller ID, and picked up the phone.
     "Yes, I know. Yes—" he sighed.
     Silence.
     "I'll be there in ten minutes. Try to keep them in line until I get there." Aizawa said tersely.
     With that he hung up the phone.
     Taking this chance to divert his attention elsewhere, I stated, "Don't worry about that crash. I left the window open to let in some air earlier. I must have forgotten to close it before I left to hang out with my friends. Probably just the wind slamming it against the frame."
     Aizawa gave me a withering look. "What did I say about keeping the doors and windows locked?"
     "Yes, yes. I know. I'll be sure to keep them firmly closed and latched while you're gone," I stated pointedly. "I assume that's what the phone call was about?"
     He nodded reluctantly. I wasn't too pleased myself. The truth of my situation was important, but keeping the contents of my room concealed was my top priority.
     Aizawa's gaze shifted over my shoulder. "Let me check before I leave. Just to be sure."
     He began pushing past me towards my door. I lunged to block his path.
     "No!" I yelped. Noticing Aizawa's pensive stare, I immediately changed my stance. "I mean please don't. My clothes are everywhere."
     "Your clothes are always everywhere," Aizawa deadpanned.
     I shook my head. "Underwear. Bras. All over the floor."
     Aizawa bristled, looking uncomfortable. "Oh," he said, backing away. "Well... you check then"
     Nodding gratefully, I took great care to slip into my room with the door only partially opened. The door clicked shut and I turned around. I nearly fainted.
     Like a deer caught in headlights, Hitoshi stared wide-eyed at my shocked frame. He was wincing, blood seeping from multiple lacerations across his naked chest. His shoes were missing and his pants were torn at the seams—he looked like he had just escaped a really kinky porno.
     Gaping like a fish, I opened my mouth.
Then I closed it.
I opened it again.
Lifting a finger, my lips sealed shut and I instead chose to give a reprimanding glare to the boy in front of me.
     He collapsed onto the bed, exhausted and pained before giving me an admonishing look. Hitoshi indicated himself with a vague sweep of the hand as if asking "Me?" before proceeding to gesticulate to my room littered with weapons of all sizes, half empty pill bottles, and crumpled papers that appeared to contain the rambling scribbles of a lunatic. I shrugged. Touché.
     "(Y/N)?" Aizawa called from the other side of the door. "Is everything alright?"
     My eyes widened and I stared intently at Hitoshi, demanding him to remain quiet with only my eyes. He pressed his pinched thumb and forefinger to his lips, twisted, then proceeded to flick away an imaginary key sarcastically. I sneered.
     "Everything's fine," I said dryly and turned to exit my room.
     Hitoshi looked alarmed. My demeanour softened instantly and I mouthed silently, "Stay here."
     Once I shut the door, I felt myself relax as if all of the pent up tension harboured in my body had been released. Hitoshi was okay. Safe.
     I tensed again.
     And he was laying half-naked on my bed. Fuck.
     I coughed into my hand to hide a blush blazing its way across my cheeks. Between the time that I had entered my room and left it, Aizawa had gathered the few belongings he would need for a class trip and had travelled to the door at the front of the apartment. I followed suit, standing a few steps back as I noticed the strain in his shoulders.
     "Be careful," I said softly. "We can finish talking when you get back."
     "We will."
     "Don't worry about me, either. I'll be fine. Just—don't think that you're off the hook, yet."
     Aizawa didn't respond.
     I sighed slightly, rubbing at the nape of my neck. "I'll miss you..."
     "I—" Aizawa clenched his fists. His back was turned to me now as he stood motionless in the doorway. "I don't deserve it."
     "What?"
     "Your comfort. Your smile. To call you my daughter. I should be the one making you feel better, not the other way around."
     Everything seemed very clear to me then. The way his head seemed to bow under some invisible force, the way his hands trembled, his refusal to face me—it was grief. He didn't think that he was worthy. Like it's all his fault, my heart squeezed at the thought. Just like me.
     My shoulders shook with exasperation and wry amusement. "You're always the one comforting me, Dadzawa." I approached his stiff posture and wrapped my arms around him, pressing my cheek to his back. "I know that you'd never let anything bad happen to me if you could help it. Stop beating yourself up."
     His hand patted mine, brief but assuring. The gentle fatherly affection I was used to from Aizawa. Then he released me. I pulled away.
     "You asked me to do something a long time ago. That day we first met when you were just a scared little girl that hadn't been taught the meaning of hope," He opened the door. I watched him pick up his bags. Aizawa was halfway down the hallway when he finally continued, so softly that he was barely audible as his figure continued to disappear from view. "But I couldn't do it. You were swallowed up by that portal and I couldn't do a thing to stop it. I'm so sorry, (Y/N)... I'm sorry that I've never been able to save you."