losing caleb

xxiii ~ caleb

[i'm sorry if this sucks and you hate it, also dedicated to devina because this was kinda her idea]

'god, i'm so sorry' she brushed her finger
over the cut on my lip
i silently swatted her hand away
'please, caleb' i could tell that she'd been crying
it tugged at my heart
but i didn't say anything

'he was drunk'
why was she making excuses for the prick?
i looked straight through her
'come on, it wasn't my fault!' she sounded kind of angry
not her fault?
then whose fault was it?
and how did she
in any way
have the right to be angry?
'i didn't want him to kiss me
it just happened so fast
and you didn't even want to go out
and all you care about these days
is how much i eat -' she rambled
'get out' my eyes were closed
'what?'
'just go'
'where?'
'anywhere but here'
'are you crazy? it's 2:30 in the morning'
'it's my house'
'oh my god, i don't believe you'
'you kissed him!' i accused
'he kissed me' she corrected 'and i can't believe you're making such a big -'
'i said, leave. i don't want you here'
i was surprised at how harsh i sounded

'fine. fuck you'
and she was gone

i waited for her to come back
but she didn't
finally
i grabbed my car keys
and went to find her

fucking pari

she was at a gas station
when i pulled up
she got in wordlessly
goosebumps
danced on the flesh of her arms
i shrugged out of my jacket
and draped it over her shoulders

we drove back in silence


later
i went to her room
she looked asleep
i leaned against the door frame
before entering the room
and covering her with a blanket
i turned to leave

'caleb' it wasn't more than a whisper

and then my arms were wrapped around her
and she sobbed
it scared me
her tears dampened my shirt
while i stroked her hair
as she apologised
again and
again

all my anger melted away and
i kissed her forehead
'i love you'

and i realised
that the reason she was crying so hard
was because
she loved me too