Cold

2 - Cold Hearted

Buses rumbled along outside of the school, disposing of its students in an assembly-line pattern. The inside of the school slowly filled with students but only half the students that entered made it through past the cafeteria. Hallways on the opposite side of the school still remained dead silent.

Dead silent, eerily long, half-lit hallways.

The first-floor hallway had but one occupant. Ezra. He had gotten there fifteen minutes too early and had to wait outside for the front doors to be opened. He couldn't stand to go through the cafeteria. The scent of sizzling pancakes floated through the school, even to the farthest extremities. Even to the stale staircase Ezra was stretched out in.

He had a subliminal weight loss playlist flowing through his headphones but he couldn't possibly fall asleep. He was hyper-aware of everything going on around him. The way the stairs pushed into his headache when he rested his head back, the pouch his stomach made when he relaxed, the idea that he probably had three chins, the fine layer of hair on his legs which poked through the holes in the parachute he once called pants.

"Good morning!" Julia said as she bounced towards him. Ezra shot up at the sound of his friend, draining all of his vision for ten seconds, his head pounding at the sudden motion.

"Hey!" Ezra spoke with a smile plastered onto his face, pretending to be cheery about nothing in particular just as Julia normally did. Julia didn't seem to have to fake it though.

She was perfect.

Julia was one of those people with naturally fast metabolisms so she never seemed to gain anything. She had dyed her hair rose gold months ago so her bleached hair showed more than the rose color ever did and she had about three inches of golden-brown roots. She probably didn't even have to bleach it to get the color to show. It was up in a bun but he liked it when she let it flop down. Julia plopped her backpack down next to Ezra's before doing the same with herself next to him. He watched her slim wrists longingly as she pulled out her phone.

You shouldn't look at your friend like that, you know she doesn't deserve this kind of life.

Ezra ignored all common sense and focused his mind on those wrists. You'd probably have to resize all your bracelets again if you had them. He forced his eyes back to his own phone to begin mindlessly scrolling through male models wearing high-end clothing. Freeze frames of them walking down catwalks and not looking like utter whales.

Looking gorgeous.

If you had her fingers you'd be so much more elegant. Imagine what'd you would look like with those legs, you'd need to ditch the pants that actually fit you. Look at that waist. That waist and that stomach and those forearms and those upper arms and that collarbone and that neck and that-

"You okay?" Julia asked, her face perplexed. Ezra snapped back to attention.

"Yeah, I'm great." Ezra kept a smile as he waited for Julia to nod and turn away but she didn't. Instead, her eyes drilled into his. It was like she was waiting for him to crack and stop being suspicious, everyone knew he was horrible at keeping secrets. He accidentally spoiled her surprise birthday party for four years in a row, whatever this funny business is about won't last long.

"Are you sure? Or is there something you wanna tell me?" She tapped her fingernail on the concrete step they sat on. Ezra relaxed his smile and tried not to look as forced.

"I really can't think of anything that I'm dying to talk about. I'm just... fine, you know?" Ezra's artificial ease lowered Julia's suspicions until they were nonexistent. She too relaxed and moved two steps down to rest her head in the crook of Ezra's hip. He tensed his muscles and his body began to heat up in a panic.

She can feel all that useless fat clinging to your useless body. She only hangs out with you because she pities the fat kid. With you, she's just putting in volunteer hours.

Ezra stretched out his body so that Julia's head was pushed off slowly. She tried to lean into him again but he just kept squirming so she gave up in a fluster and moved to the other side of the stairs and stretched her legs across, her back against the railing. The two sat in uncomfortable silence for a while longer, nodding to each person that chose to use their staircase for its intended purpose. Eventually, the five-minute warning bell rang and Julia was gone almost immediately.

Not even saying goodbye.

Ezra's stomach churned with worry as he watched her walk away. Slowly, he pulled all of his things together in his bag. The strong scent of hot syrup floated into his nose, making his stomach growl. They were supposed to be his reward after 48 hours.

But don't you wanna know if 72 hours is something you can do? Because you can. You will. You're in the homestretch. Your goal weight isn't too far away. You're about to win.

Don't you want to win?

His whole body trembled as he threw on his backpack. He headed for his first period class but his feet took him to the cafeteria.

What on earth are you doing? You were doing so well! You put that second pancake back right now. Do you even understand how many calories are in those packs of butter? This is why you. are. so. fat. Put down the syrup right. now. Put the money back in your pocket and put your tray down. Chocolate milk?! I don't care if it makes you cheaper you cow. Put. it. down.

Creamy milk slid down Ezra's throat, splashing into his cave of a stomach. Melted butter squeezed between his teeth as he chewed into a forkful of pancake. Sticky syrup stung his tongue with its sweetness, replenishing all the sugar he was lacking in one drop. But he barely tasted it. The moment it entered his system he couldn't stop. He couldn't slow down and enjoy it, he plowed through until both pancakes were gone. Chocolate milk worked as mouthwash and ran over his teeth. He could feel it go all the way down.

All the way.

Up until it soaked into the butter and syrup saturated pancakes. Ezra finally was able to take a breath and comprehend what he just did. Everything he just ate. Shame flooded through his body and the styrofoam tray and empty milk carton burned his hands. He shoved the trash into the can as he passed it.

I told you to stop. You didn't listen.

Ezra's headache pulsed again, harder than before. He pressed his cool hand against his forehead. His vision got blotchy as he dazed in and out of reality. He stopped walking and leaned against the wall for a moment before falling slowly to the floor, his face in his chilled hands. The icy tile pecked his shaky legs through the holes in his pants. His subconscious continued to yell at him. With a heart just as cold.