Mileven-Oneshots

When Your Gone

Mileven-Oneshot

I can't live this way

Eleven's Perspective

MIKE!MIKE!MIKE!

"Kid! Hey it's alright. You're gonna be okay."

Hop's holding me tight in his arms. It happened again, the third night in a row. The bags under his eyes show he's beyond exhausted. His attention is towards my Polaroid covered wall of Max, Will, Dustin, Lucas and me.

"You're alright. You're going to be okay," he says reassuringly.

I wipe away the tears rolling down my cheeks. I breathe in and out like Will taught me. After every nightmare I'm exhausted. I can never fall right back to sleep though, it always seems to take awhile. Hop knows the drill, until I speak he stays with me.

Breaking the silence with "I'm okay" signals to Hop he can finally get some sleep. I've never had two recurring nightmares, so Hop doesn't have to worry about me for the rest of the night.

Sleep pulls me under its blanket. This time around, I get an escape from everything..

Sunshine fills my room, waking me from the dreams of him and I. I sit staring at my Polaroid wall, it's become so empty. I took more than half the pictures down. The emptiness tunnels me into memories of the past few years.

Knocking me out the trance, Hop begins to open my door. I've told him countless times to knock, but he never does.

"Hey kiddo. I just heated up some eggos for us, so you wanna have breakfast with me?"

I've taken up the art of solitude these endless few months. Hop usually doesn't ask to do this sort of stuff anymore. He respects that I want to be left alone.

"Sure."

I make my way to the table. Awaiting is Hop and a platter of fresh eggos from the toaster.

"Nancy called this morning and she wants you to go over to the Wheeler house. They've begun the process of going through Mike's room. She wants you to go through his room with her. She said she's going to need help with all of it. She also said anything you find that you want, you'll be able to keep. Items to remember him by as she put it. I can take you after we finish breakfast."

This is the reason he wanted to have breakfast with me.

Hop looks anxious, like he doesn't know if he set off a ticking time bomb. He didn't. The bomb is just plummeting to the ocean floor. Impact in 3... 2... 1...

My limbs feel heavy; my head is in a sort of a haze. I'm not sure what I can handle anymore but going through his things. It's a battle I'll never be able to be ready for.

"I'm not sure.What do you think?" Hop somehow always says the right thing.

"If I'm being honest kid, it'll never be easy. You'll go through millions of emotions. It'll be hard but maybe you can gain a sense of closure. Begin to feel the memories without them submerged in heartache. I don't want you to feel pressured or rushed, but Nancy will be alongside you."

He's right, it will be hard. I don't think I'm ready for that kind of hard. I've been drowning in an ocean sized pool of grief, heartbreak, loneliness since the day I lost him. But if I can gain an ounce of closure or a memory without the pain, I'll do it.

"Yeah."

"Okay. Well go get dressed and I'll take you."

Hop smiles at me. He's happy I'm making some sort of progress, which maybe for the first time I am.