I Got You Rucas

05 I Lava you

So you know those situations where someone ask you something and you become lathered in fear, like when your mom would find out that you stole her lipstick and drew all over the wall and she charged downstairs and asked who did it This was a situation exactly like that i have always found in this situation that i have one of two reactions i either freeze up and have no excuses coming to my head or i freeze up and have a billion excuses coming to my head Now you would think that the least favourable one would be no ideas but no my least favorite reaction is the billion ideas because you end up something like this

Lucas- I don't really i mean I don't know what you're talking about

Riley- I didn't mean to eat the celery it was Maya

I blabbed before slumping and face palming myself the hell was that Riley

Lucas- OK slow down forst of all you aren't in big troublw i wouldn't put that stress on the baby

Lucas jokes rubbing my small bump well i mean i'm not in trouble but it would be nice to know it was because of me smehhhh Lucas

Lucas- Also i don't like getting calls from cheese souffles telling me he tracked down your location It's weord and intrusive

Lucas scoffes moving his hand from my stomach to my dainty hand i didn't even think about it but my hand just instinctively did I opened my mouth to tell Lucas that i saw him and what he had said bur his fingers clamped my lips together what a rude human like come on to show that i was clearly unamused i rolled my eyes while he giggled I realize i was in no way supposed to be angry considering i have been keeping a massive secret of mime from him for many years now To be fairbthpugh no one knows about it like Maya kind of knows but otherwise no one

Lucas- Princess can i talk for a little and than you talk

Lucas calmly spoke staring straight into my doe eyes practically hypnotising me on the spot well played Lucas well played A huff was the only approval i could muster at this point i was never a massive fan of talking about my problems and found it quite tiring i mean it's good that i'm so selfless but i wish i was better at pourung out my feelings

Lucas- So why would you not tell me about your anxiety and depression i know you have a good reason but Riley it hurt that you didn't tell me I wouldn't have judged or been pushy or anything like that and i could've helped you  i know that it was hard but i truly thought that you trusted me enough I don't know why or how this came about and even though right now i'm mad at you for not telling me i know that you have a reason as i've said a thousand times just know that i'm here for you

He declared his hand slowly moving from my hand to my face i relished at his touch and fell into his embrace the things this boy does to me I gave him a goofy smile wnd shot my hand up which earned a gorgeous giggle from Lucas he nodded his head and said yes Riley indicating that i should talk

Riley- OK Lucas me not telling you had nothing to do with not trusting you or not wanting to my anxiety pretty much prevents me from doing it Telling you stresses me out because it puts you in a postion to judge it also puts me in a highly vulnerable position and you gain a massive power over me My therapist says that most people who go around and talk about their anxiety openly don't actually have anxiety sure there are some cases where people can talk about it to whoever and over time you get better but ot's not easy to talk about Also when i tell people it because this massive reality it's not just me who knows and it's stuck inside me it's everyone When i feel a panic attack coming on i can't pretend it's fake or pretend it never happens so my friends don't find out it becomes a thing My depression is something i deal with privately and i don't talk about it at all it scares me a lot and i always feel so god damn tired it worried me the past couple of weeks that our baby will develop this and i don't want our baby to be unhappy