Decade Of Trauma

~

   Knock, knock, knock.

   The sound was very weak, but he managed to catch it before he drifted asleep. He turned the knob and slowly creaked the door open. The familiar figure of his Cuban roommate stood before him. He had noticeable bags under his eyes, his face was damp with sweat, and his legs wobbled ever so slightly.

   "I didn't wake you up, did I?" His voice carried a hint of shakiness.

   "No, I just finished a paper and was getting ready for bed. What's up?" Hunk asked.

   "I... I couldn't sleep. Well, I could and did sleep, but I woke up and now I can't get myself to fall back asleep and..." Lance paused his rambling and looked up at the taller man and sighed.

   "Same nightmare again?" Hunk questioned.

   Lance nodded. "They're always so vivid. It's like I'm reliving those moments again."

   It's been like this for a while now. They may be back on Earth, safe and sound, but the experiences they've gone through haunted them.

   A month after they returned for good, the Garrison awarded them for their bravery and announced that Pidge, Lance, Hunk, and even Keith would be included in the next graduation ceremony. It was strange to try to pretend like things were normal and to attempt to be like their old selves before they were brought to space. They all could see how much of a toll it had on each other, but nobody wanted to be the one to confront the fact that they were all bottling everything up. Not until the graduation banquet.

   Most of the graduates watched in horror as they saw, for most of them, their hero and role model drop to his knees and shriek for no apparent reason. The former paladins, being the only ones who truly knew what he had gone through, were the only people who dared approach him in that state. It wasn't at all easy, but they managed to calm Shiro down in his battle against his own mind.

   After that day, Shiro was placed in a Garrison sponsored psychological clinic and the others finally began to open up and question their mental states.

   Hunk and Lance had moved into an apartment together and they had gotten to see each others breakdowns over the years. Lance seemed to be a bit more fragile than Hunk, but they always supported each other. Hunk learned that Lance would occasionally have nightmares about the war, from the death and gore he'd seen to the sacrifices he made and even the time he himself had momentarily died. Lance could describe the events in full detail as if they had just happened, when in reality, most of those events happened ten years ago. His nightmares have shown him a decade of trauma.

   Hunk took a few steps back from his door and gestured to his bed. "Do you wanna lay down and talk?"

   "It won't be a problem?" Lance asked.

   "You know it's not. I'm here for you, man, no matter what," Hunk replied.

   Lance gave him a small grin and let himself fall onto Hunk's bed. Hunk shut the door and laid down next to him, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close to his chest. This was a routine now whenever Lance woke from a nightmare. It put them both at ease and allowed them to be vulnerable with each other. And hell, it was comfortable and reassuring to have someone to share warmth with.

   Hunk had once wondered why they had separate rooms anyways and Lance told him they had different sleep schedules and didn't wanna get in the way of his. Hunk at least made sure Lance was welcome to sleep in his bed whenever the nightmares occur and Lance allowed that.

   "It's so strange. We're almost thirty now and most of my thoughts still come from what happened when we were just 17," Lance pointed out. "We were just kids..."

   "Yeah... We were all so incredibly strong to keep it together. It was difficult and taxing, but we accomplished great things," Hunk replied as he traced his thumb over Lance's arm.

   "We did, didn't we?" Lance said with a slight sense of pride sparkling in his eyes. "All the planets we saved and everyone we've helped. I sometimes still can't believe it."

   Hunk smiled. For the most part, the war was, as one can expect war to be, absolutely horrifying. But the little things made it all worthwhile and they all would have done it again if they had the choice. Deep down, Hunk thought it was mostly because they wouldn't want other children to suffer as they did.

   "Hey, do you think the others are still affected too?" Lance asked.

   Hunk did his best to keep in touch with the others. Lance generally avoided it because, hey, when two of your exes are involved, it's kinda awkward. He still talked to Allura because they only dated for a few months before deciding they were better off as friends. But he dated Keith for three years before they broke up and as much as they tried, things were still awkward between them. And since Keith was now engaged to her brother, he and Pidge became really close. Lance felt somewhat cut off from the group, but he knew he just needed to give himself some time.

   Hunk recalled how things were when he visited them a few weeks ago. It was obvious they were all still affected. Pidge would have full blown panic attacks when her codes didn't work properly because she had gotten so use to them being used in literal life or death situations. Keith, the impulsive hothead with a knack for danger, would be filled with guilt whenever he did anything remotely dangerous or was gone while something bad happened. Matt stopped going to video game competitions because they always referred to the place as an arena. And Shiro, now back to working at the Garrison as an instructor, would sometimes have to leave the class to his co-instructor and head to the break room to clear his head. Even Hunk would freak out and have to plug his ears to stop himself from crying whenever he heard blaring alarms or the sound effects of toy guns that the children in the supermarkets always wanted to mess with.

   "Definitely. I don't think any of us had a walk in the park up there. We're all managing though, and I think that's incredible," Hunk answered him.

   "I feel so weak about it, though, y'know?" Lance continued.

   Hunk nodded. "When I have my moments, I feel like the lowest of the low. I feel like nothing will get better and nothing will ever be normal again. Being weak would mean to continue to mope about it and doing absolutely nothing. But we're still powering through. We aren't weak, even if we feel that way."

   "You're right, Hunk," Lance said with a yawn. "You're a genius. So smart."

   "You're smart too, Lance. You always know what's best for yourself," he told him.

   "My smart brain says what's best for me now is sleep without traumatic nightmares," Lance said.

   "Your smart brain is right. Wanna try to sleep now?" Hunk asked.

   "Mhmm. Goodnight, Hunk," Lance answered as he nuzzled his face into Hunk's chest and draped his arms over him.

   "Goodnight, Lance."