They Know Me

UNCERTAIN URGENCY

Lost in thought, I stayed gazing absently out my window at Cemetery Raven.

Rhys had been harsh with Zil, and though what Zil did to the man had been horrific, he'd defended himself like anyone else would have ... except the biting to kill part. He'd also clearly believed he should apologize – and made the effort to. But he shouldn't have. I'd followed him.

I couldn't allow things to stand the way they were. Zil needed to know how I felt about what happened, and his apology. I needed something, too – to know that I'd been right in defending him to Rhys.

Wishing there was another way than to go to his tomb, I went back downstairs and left for Cemetery Raven.

I entered the grounds and didn't stop until I'd reached the gothic-style mausoleum. Standing at Zil's door, I started to knock, but hesitated when the image of him with the man popped into my mind. Quickly pushing aside the thought so I wouldn't chicken out and leave instead, I rapped on the door. "Zil? It's Ashe."

The door opened and Zil stood in the doorway. I wanted to be the first one to speak – but I couldn't find the words. He looked like he wanted to say something, too. But what was there to say – that he attacked the man, bit him, and killed him? I knew that. That he was a vampire? I knew that, too.

In an effort to lessen the strangeness between us, I started. "It seems I'm a rogue. I was out walking and decided to knock on the door of the nicest tomb to see what I'd find. And look, I found you."

He turned and walked – somewhere. Uncertain if I'd insulted him and he'd left, a silent invitation for me go away, I peered into the dark crypt.

As I tried to decide whether I should leave or stay, I heard the sound of something metal creaking quietly. It was followed by a gentle hiss and then the sudden burst of a tiny flame. Zil placed the match he'd struck to a candle mounted on the granite wall. When the wick lit, he waved the match in the air to extinguish it, and put it into a metal canister bolted beneath. Only his profile was illuminated within the soft glow of the miniscule blaze ... until he turned to face me. It was a marvel to behold how his skin appeared like polished porcelain and how his emerald eyes shimmered in the sparse light. "Now you will be able to see. If you wish, you may come in."

It was unintentional, but my whispered exhale was sharp. Uncontrolled, damning thoughts of my own encounter with his vampirien side, paired with the night's earlier events, stopped me. And the way he stood there, looking at me ... eerily still ... too still, the 'dead' kind of still ... and the knowledge that he was dead, was almost too much.

Zil broke the heavy silence. "Ashe, what you saw earlier ... I never meant for you to see."

I was about to lose it and I needed to pull myself together. Trying to appear unfazed by the situation I'd just put myself in, I replied, "I'm not here about that. I just wanted to say ... you're my friend. Don't expect more of an explanation because I can't give one."

A long, silent moment passed between us, and I prayed I hadn't made a mistake in going to see him. I was relieved when he said, "Rhys – he is a friend of yours?"

"My best friend. He was just ... he'll come around. It was just a shock."

I could hear the regret in his whisper. "Will you?"

"Yeah. I told you. I'm fine with it." Inwardly, I cringed at my lie.

We both stopped talking. Finally, unable to stand the awkward silence between us, I stepped inside his tomb.

In a pace faster than a mortal's, but so I could still follow him with my eyes, Zil went to light a second candle. After disposing the match into a metal container that held ones previously used, he went to close the door. It wasn't immediate, but then he turned.