L U C I D || A Dreamcatcher AU

9 | Beyond

Thump.

She jerked awake from the impact with a gasp, taking some time to realise where she was, only to find herself sprawled on the floor beside her bed, sheets twisted around her limbs. Her cheeks were wet, and her body was bathed in a cold sweat. Her heart pounded against her chest. Minji trembled. She glanced at her bedside table, clock coming into focus. '06:32', it read. Horrific images flashed vividly across her eyes, and dread rose within her. Then, the realisation that it was just a nightmare came crashing into her mind, and she began to think she was a bit silly for getting herself worked up. Nevertheless, the remnants of the nightmare still clung to her mind, haunting her, and she had no trouble imagining her room morph into the room in her dream. The Wardrobe. The man. The baseball bat. Minji shuddered. 

Everything felt so real, yet, it was just a nightmare. What kind of cruel joke is this? Ghosts, zombies, even a serial killer would have been less frightening than what she had experienced. She could remember every inch of terror that she had felt. She could remember the man; his narrow, cold eyes that flashed with rage, and his sickening voice. She could remember his words; him calling her 'baby', 'babygirl'. He was her 'father', and that memory gave her an indescribable sense of disgust and hatred. She failed to understand how a father could ever treat his daughter that way. Threatening her, scolding her with profanities, even abusing her with a baseball bat. Whatever she had experienced was domestic abuse, and she firmly believed that it was something that no one should ever have to experience, especially not children.

She reassured herself that it was just a nightmare; and that there was nothing to be fearful of.  She knew that it couldn't have been real, for why would she suddenly dream of an incident such as this? She hadn't experienced it before, neither did anyone she knew. Unless it was somehow possible to dream of a stranger's life event in such a highly realistic way, this was just a stupid nightmare. A stupid nightmare that made her want to let out a frightened cry and bury her face into her pillow. Yet, she couldn't shake the feeling that it was indeed real. Every aspect of the nightmare made her feels as if she had really been in that situation. The pain, she had felt every bit of it. The bat, coming down on her thin legs, hearing her bone shatter from the impact, desperately wanting to scream, but no sound had come out.

She had this strange feeling, something she couldn't really explain. It felt too familiar. In the nightmare, she had known exactly what was coming, and as much as she was terrified, she was prepared for it. But that shouldn't have been the case. Nothing like this had ever happened to her before, and familiarity can only come from the past. Her past, not someone else's. Minji climbed back into bed, hoping to slip into a dreamless sleep. She tossed and turned but just couldn't find the right position. A lingering haze of sleep sat somewhere at the back of her mind, but it was too far away to reach, floating in the pool of her memories. Icy discomfort blossomed in her chest and made it difficult for her to breathe. At that moment, she knew this was going to be a long night.

7 a.m. morphs into eight and then nine. The time trickled by, marked only by those changing glowing numerals. Her mind was blank; where there should be dreams is a heavy blackness. She lay still on her soft bed under the comfy duvets, gazing up at the bare ceiling. She resigned to her fate, eventually getting up and out of bed. Walking to the kitchen, Minji heated a cup of milk and added a pinch of cinnamon to it. With that, she plopped herself down on the sofa, thoughts trailing back to her nightmare. Muttering under her breath, Minji tried to consolidate her thoughts and make sense of the nightmare, but all she had was bits and pieces. "A man...a baseball bat...he hit me..." She jerked. The pain she felt when the man struck her was still so vivid, and she was terrified.

Tipping the last few drops of the creamy, frothy liquid into her mouth, Minji left the cup on the counter and scurried back to her room, hoping to catch some sort of rest, even with the shadowy figure that towered over her in the dream haunting her.

-

Months passed. Handong was still in a coma, and she wasn't any closer to waking up. Mrs. Han faithfully kept watch by her daughter's bed, hoping to be there when Handong finally wakes up. Siyeon and Minji had decided to spend some time apart, knowing that each of them needed to be alone at this point in time. Seeing Handong in the hospital had caused them more agony, making them realise they should've been there for her before all this had happened. They had blamed themselves for it, even as it was no one's fault. Bora had insisted on staying with Minji, but all Minji wanted was to be alone, hence ordering Bora to go home in spite of her protests. She hadn't contacted Wooyoung much since the last time, and she was sure that all hope of being with him was lost by now. Her parents had returned from overseas, and they were worried for her. But Minji did not care. None of this mattered to her.

Minji stood there, sunken eyes staring back at her. Her skin was ghostly pale, her usual smooth and silky hair was now frizzed, and she was clad in years-old pajamas. The past two weeks, she hadn't gone out much. In her room, she remained, and with each passing day, she sunk deeper into the quicksand in which she couldn't escape. She fell forward, catching herself on the porcelain sink and bowed her head, shoulders shaking. Crying had always been a healthy release, but for Minji it was a habit now. The blue feeling washed in like an unwanted wave, knocking her sandcastles flat. Then what? Was she supposed to construct them again? Get that bucket and spade out and make it pretty all over again? She sat. No more building, no more castles. She let the tears fall freely, not raising a hand to stop them. They splashed down onto the sink, trickling down the hole. When the tears weren't even halfway done, Minji was empty. She couldn't have cried anymore even if she wanted to. She hadn't experienced this feeling before. The sadness was still there, but not raw anymore – now all she felt was emptiness, the kind that doesn't easily pass.

Minji stood on the brink of something she couldn't describe. The weight of everything seemed to press down on her shoulders and she struggled to take even a single step forward. It was too much. All of it. And somehow, she kept moving. But every step had cost her. The darkness grew darker; the pain grew sharper; all of it seemed to only grow in strength and Minji began to wonder if things could ever get better. But she never said a word. She wondered if those close -once close to her could see through her horribly fake smile. She wasn't okay, not even a little bit. She was beginning to lose hope that Handong would ever wake up. She had pushed everyone who cared about her away - her parents, Bora, Siyeon, Wooyoung. That same nightmare kept replaying like a broken cassette in her head. 

When she felt sad, she had always leaned on God, for she believed that everything happened for a reason, and it was all part of his divine plan. But she couldn't fathom why He had let such a cruel thing happen to someone who loved Him with her whole being and with her actions. It had been a few months that she hasn't attended her usual Sunday service, despite her parents' pleas, asking her to just go. But that did not matter to her now. If this is all part of his 'divine plan', it goes to say that He is full of bullshit, she thought. Her hand trailed to the cross necklace dangling gently from her neck.  "I can't be your Child for now, not until I get answers."  Without hesitation, she reached to the back and unclasped it, then supported it on her palm, admiring it for a while as the stones sparkled ever so slightly under the bathroom light. Closing her palm, she clutched the necklace tightly with eyes shut, tears threatening to roll down her tear-stained cheeks once again.

She'd never felt more alone in her life.