You & I (BP Sequel) Harry Styles Love Story

13.

PREVIOUSLY

"I told you. Why are you going out with Phoebe Harry?" I asked wanting him to say he dont know, anything than what he did say.

"Because she makes me happy..."

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RACHELS POV:

"Did i ever make you happy?" I asked the one thing i was scared to know the answer to. 

"Rache-"

"No. Harry. Just answer the damn question. Did i ever make you happy? Or did i just stress you out?" I asked harshly, not meaning to be. He was quiet for a while so i spoke again. "FOR GOD SAKE HARRY JUST TELL ME! IVE HAD ENOUGH OF EVERYTHING, I JUST WANNA KNOW!" I shouted.

"FINE! You wanna know the true? Huh?" He said and i nodded. "Yes, Rachel you did make me happy. God you made me so happy. Everytime i was with you i forgot about all the bad things. I use to think 'You know what? I love this girl. I wanna spend my life with her.' I use to think 'Nothing could go wrong with you beside me.' But you also stressed me out. You stressed me out so much. You probably caused more problems to my life than i needed but i didnt care. I loved you too much to care about all the bad stuff. I loved you so much that i would've took all your pain for you, thats why i got stabbed by your dad. Because i wanted to take some pain for you and if getting stabbed was it then so be it. God i loved that you stressed me out. I loved everything about you and our relationship, but then you were taken from me. And believe me, i tried to stop that wedding. I tried so hard but it was too late. I sat on a bench outside that church for a couple of hours re-reading that letter you wrote me. The boys had to physically make me go home. I was miserable for months after losing you. I tried moving on but i couldnt. I read your letter every night just to have a little bit of you with me. But i knew i had to get over you. I mean if this was me talking to you about another girl you would tell me to suck it up and get over her. Youd say that theres plenty of fish in the sea. SO thats what i did. I sucked it up and got over you. And yes im back but im not back for us. Im back for my best friend. Im back for my childhood best friend who has been there for me. Im back for her. I want her to be here for me. I want her to be happy for me because you know what? I am happy. I got over you and im moving on with Phoebe now. I still want you in my life Rachel, youre my best friend and i wouldnt change that for the world. But please be happy for me, Rachel. Please. Im sorry i moved on and im sorry if you still love me but i dont love you back, im sorry. I just love you as a best friend now." He finished and i had silent tears streaming down my cheeks, while he only had tears in his eyes. 

That was probably one of the worst things to happen right now. I mean i just got stabbed and nearly killed by my "husband". And now the one person who makes me happy doesnt want me. The one person who i love so very much doesnt love me back. His moved on and i cant handle this. Im just a bad luck charm. 

"Rachel..." Harry trailed off, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"I cant. Im sorry but i cant be happy for you. How can i be happy for you when i cant even be happy for me? You dont realise how much i hate myself right now Harry. I hate myself for saying this to you and saying i cant be happy for you. I hate myself for what ive caused you and everyone in my life. I hate me. I love you so very much Harry and i dont mean that in a best friend way. I mean i truely do love you. I never stopped. This whole Thomas thing never stopped me. I was always thinking that maybe you would come out of nowhere and save me, as clinche as that sounds. And you do, well you came back but yea.."

"Rachel you know i just want you to be happy for me thats all im asking, its not that much. I know you can get over me. I got over you-"

"Yea but its not that simple Harry. Ive loved you for ages. I dont even know when i started to, to be honest. And i dont know if i can get over you. You were the only person or thing in my life to make me happy. Harry i cant be happy for you when like i said im not even happy for myself. I dont mean to sound selfish but i cant. Harry i havent laughed or smiled in years. I cant even remember how it feels to be happy, not fake happiness, true happiness. The last time i laughed or smiled recently was when i saw you and the boys after 3 years. Thats a long time to be miserable Harry and i dont think i could ever be happy again."