Remember

|9| Through Thick And Thin

pov steve~

"How is that even possible, Buck?" I asked in utter confusion. "I mean, being gay isn't really something that can be changed, right?"

He looked at me in such a way that I felt sorry for myself. I felt like, despite my efforts, nothing would work. Like maybe all of Hydra's messed up methods had actually checked out for once and, after all, there really was no hope for us. Either way, I took what little hope I had left and ran with it... thinking as if my life was like some sort of story - like a fairytale - wherein I could realistically have a happily ever after.

"Do you even feel like this is working?" I asked him.

I took the long pause before his eventual "yea, maybe," to be a no, despite what he tells me. I feel like he's sorry for me... he doesn't want me to be upset about this and, therefore, isn't telling me the whole truth. If only he knew that the truth is all we have anymore, then maybe he would feel more inclined to tell it to me.

"Okay... I'm sorry. I'm being way too harsh on you right now. I know this is a lot to take in," I started. "Maybe I can start with memories that were directly after Project: Rebirth."

"Huh? Project what?" he asked, looking at me like this was something unimaginably foreign. To be fair, though, it wasn't like it was something he had directly been related to, right?

"Project: Rebirth... you know, the whole Dr. Abraham Erskine thing. He's the one that recruited me to the United States Military on the same day you were shipped out. He was in charge of the whole thing. He perfected the serum. He made me who I am, physically, today. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him... but I suppose if it weren't for me he would still be here, too," I explained.

"I had no idea about any of that," he waited, looking me over and seemingly trying to find something familiar within me or recognizable in the story. "You're like me," he finally announced.

"I suppose in the sense that we're both genetically enhanced super soldiers, we are."

"Not to mention the whole gay situation," he added.

I chuckled. "Yea, yea... that too."

We sat there in silence for a moment, taking in the fact that we had just laughed about something that I had just sent hours trying to convey. I realized that we had to do that - we had to enjoy this - we had to go about it this way. And so, we smiled, for once.

"But in all seriousness, Buck," I continued. "There was so much more to it than it seemed, especially from the perspective of an outsider."

"How do you mean?" he questioned, seemingly genuinely curious as to what my answer would be.

"Well, after you were drafted, which was something I didn't even know about until way after you left, there was a bit of a problem. I, of course, was shipped away from bootcamp to become a spokesperson for the war. I was selling war bonds and wasting my body away for no reason."

"Wasting it, how?"

"Well, I could have been helping out with the war all those years when I was just a poster-child instead... Anyway, when I finally reached your camp, I asked for you."

"You what? Wait, really?"

"Of course, Buck. We were in love and I hadn't seen you in... years. I went right up to General Patton and told him that..."

"I only need one name, sir," I said quickly and in a panic. "Sergeant James Barnes from the hundred and seventh. That's 'b' 'a' 'r'-"

"I can spell..." he cut me off.