You can never fully prepare yourself for the moment you say goodbye to someone. You can never tell yourself completely how bad it's going to feel and be right. There's always more than you can prepare yourself for. More emotion, more guilt, more everything.
I stood there, my mind and eyes completely focused in on the metal box that held the body of my best friend. The one person in this world that knew me better than I knew myself.
I didn't hear my surroundings as I stepped up to the head of the casket. I didn't need a paper, I didn't need a newspaper article or anything else. All I needed was the tiny bottle of southern comfort and pack of cigarettes clutched to my body and the comfort of Carson's hand on my back as he guided me to the head of the casket, helping me walk through tears and my heels sinking into the ground.
I stood there, looking over the people who all loved Zach and most of which love me now. I took a deep breathe and tried to hold back the tears.
"Zach was more than just a friend to me. We were more than just friends to eachother. So many times I can remember Zach keeping me safe weather it be from myself or something else. He was my protector. And this time he gave his life to insure I was safe." I said, pausing to gain my composure once again."I know that everyone here knew Zach, but I also know that some didn't know him as well as others. So, let me help you get to know the amazing guy we're all here to honor. Zachary Steven was a friend, a son, and soon to be a brother. He was there for anyone who needed him. Always dependable and usually depended upon. I can tell you know that I depended on Zach for more than I depend on my parents for most of the time." I had to pause again and wipe a few tears away." He was a party in himself. He loved action and dancing and twizzlers more than anything. And Southern Comfort was his choice of drink. I think if he was in the Sahara, dehydrated to no end and was offered one drink of something, he'd probably ask for SoCo." Everyone laughed, even I laughed a little." He smoked only Marlboro Reds, nothing else, and he didn't allow his bonfires to be started with anything other than one match and half a bottle of Vodka. He was extremely hansome, and had the attitude and personality to follow. He pushed. Every limit he was given was pushed to the complete extent and he would't settle until then. That was only a little bit of what made Zach himself. Now let me tell you about me and Zach." I wiped a few more tears away and sniffed."We weren't crazy, but we did many crazy things. We laughed until we cried and cried until we laughed. We spent more time together than apart and he slept in my bed more than I did. He tested me, he made sure I knew myself because no matter what, he always knew me better. He made sure I was in the right places and making the right decisions. He kept me safe and held me down. he was my protector and my rock. I leaned on him and he leaned on me. Together we were better than we were seperatly." I paused, feeling the sobs begin to rack my body."He was my other half, the rock that protected me from the waves. He was amazing. And he'll always be my Zach." I couldn't hold it in any longer. I started to crumble. I started falling apart all over again.
I slowly stepped forward and set the bottle and the pack of Cigarettes on top of the flowers on the casket. It was time for me to walk away from him. To leave him.
Carson supported my weight as I stepped back and Brandon stepped forward to help me. He had already given his speech. His made me cry almost as much as mine did.
I felt his fingers lace through mine as Carson stepped back so Lanie and Dylan could join us. We had all left him something that we thought described him, and they all did. Brandon had left a girl's number he had gotten at the supermarket for him, not telling her he was gone, Lanie left a Cardinal's snapback, Dylan left a package of twizzlers, and I left the cigarettes and soco.
I felt Brandon's hands shaking as we stood there. He stepped closer to me and dropped my hand as I kept crying. He threw his arms around me and jerked me from Lanie's grip, but I didn't complain. I held him back, both of us crying and clutching eachother.
