I sat on the bed, Carson's still for laying next to me, still deep in sleep as I sat and stared at him over my shoulder.
In less than three hours I would get in the car, drive to the air port, pick up Vivian's husband, and drive to the funeral home where Zach's lifeless body would lie in a casket for all his loved ones, everyone who had ever cared about him, and people who knew his family to say goodbye to him. I would say goodbye to my best friend for the second time and this time when I left the grave side service, he would be buried and I would be without him for the rest of my life.
This was it. Nothing was going to change, nothing would be fixed. I would say goodbye and I wold have to go on with my life in a way that Zach would have wanted.
I sighed, looking back at Carson again and taking in how peaceful he looked and I couldn't resist reaching out as I layed back down on my side, facing him as I layed close. I reached my hand out and let my finger tips grase his chin.
His breathing hitched and his eyes began to flicker. I wasn't sure how I should react, but I knew that no matter what he would be okay either way.
His eyes met mine and a sleepy smile spread accross his face, his eyes hooded and a five o clock shadow cast on his skin.
I knew we both needed to get out of the bed and get ready but I didn't want to leave his side. I didn't want to move from my place.
"Morning." He said, yawning and rolling onto his back, stretching his body on the bed.
"Morning." I said, sitting up and curling my legs up to my chest. "Thanks for staying with me last night. I know I put you on the spot and all but I just didn't wanna be alone. Tonight I'll either call Lanie or sleep alone."
He looked at me and raised an eye brow, curious as to what I meant.
"You don't have to thank me for doing something I wanted to do. I'm just thankfu; that you could finally sleep and didn't wake up screaming from a nightmare or crying your eyes out. I know that you've been having a hard time and sleeping with you didn't bother me. I wanna be here for you Ans." He said, sitting up next to me.
"Thanks." I said, letting my voice trail away.
"We should probably get ready." He said, standing up.
"Yeah. I've gotta be at the airport in an hour." I said, standing up and pading towards the door.
I was almost there when Carson grabbed my arm and spun me around. "I'll drive to the air port. You shouldn't be driving yet." He said, a half smile on his face.
He was close. very close. I could feel his body brush against mine and was tempted to take the step needed and close the space between us. I wanted to feel his body against mine. To feel his arms around me and his lips on mine. I wanted to know what it felt like to kiss him. I wanted him to kiss me.
He took the step and I began to feel heady. I felt like I was getting an adrenaline rush.
I could feel the heat from his body and the electricity between us becoming more evident as we stood there together.
All at once it happened. It wasn't slow but it wasn't too fast. It was even and beautiful and amazing and I loved every second of it.
His lips met mine and his hands pulled my hips forward. Our lips didn't seperate for what seemed like hours but I knew it was really only seconds. It was like a building falling to the ground. It was ground breaking and amazing and made me feel like everything was gone. Every bad thing in life sifted through the seems of that kiss and for a few moments they were even more gone then when he held me. And then we pulled apart.
I was breathless and so was he as we starred at eachother. His eyes holding mine as we stood there. His hands still locked on my hips and mine still on his chest.
"I'm sorry. I was way out of line." He appologized, letting his hands fall away from my waist.
I shook my head, not able to actually form words.
"You should get ready." And then he left.
I sighed to myself as I padded to the bathroom for a shower.
When I returned to my bedroom Lanie and Vivian were both there. Vivian was sitting in the chair in the corner and Lanie was sitting on the bed. I walked in and a few seconds later my mom walked out of the closet.
She had a dress over her arm and a pair of heels in her hend.
"I'm gonna use your curling iron to do Viv's hair. We figured we could all use some company today." Lanie said, putting her hand on Vivian's shoulder.
Vivian's eyes were as red and puffy as mine and she looked exhausted.
"You got a new tattoo?" She asked, guesturing for me to come forward.
I gave her a small smile and stepped forward so she could get a better look.
She looked it over, taking in every small detail of it.
"It's beautiful. And it would mean more to him than any thing else." She said, tears welling up in both of our eyes.
"Me and Carson are gonna go get Kieth as soon as I'm ready to leave. We'll bring him straight to the funeral home." I said, dropping my towel and slipping on my underwear and sticking my silicone bra to my body.
"Thank you."
I looked at mom wh stepped closer to me.
"I ironed your dress. I just wanted to make sure you looked okay in it." She said, holding out her hand for me to take it.
"Thanks." I said, taking it from her.
I slipped it over my head and she zipped it and then set about fixing my haid and make up, knowing I was too shaky for it. My dress was black and simple. It was mid thigh length and cap sleeved. It was flowy and didn't really have a waist but sinched under my breasts a little. It was v neck and showed off some cleavage but not too much. It was also one of Zach's favorte dresses I had.
My mom put light, loose curls in my hair and slipped a black head band in it to hold it out of my face. She did my make up light and nuetral and put the necklace Zach had gotten me for my birthday, a simple, thin silver chain with a butterfly pendant, around my neck and some silver hoops in my ears. I slipped on my heels and made sure the new bandage covered my tattoo and grabbed my bag and phone before spraying on some perfume and kissing each of them on the cheek and walking to the car.
Carson was already waiting on me there, ready to leave when I was.
"Are you ready to go?" He asked, turning the truck on.
I shook my head.
"Whose dog was that on the couch this morning?" He asked, pulling out of my drive way.
"The gray one?" I asked, looking at him.
He shook his head.
"That's Colt. Zach got him for me for my birthday two years ago. " I answered, looking down at my phone.
"Oh. I've never seen him before." He said, shrugging.
"He's usually in my room when I am but Gramma and Pops have had him this week so I could take things easy." I said.
We were silent again. Until we got to the air port.
