I was so sad that I cried and cried,
It was so hard and I was in deep pain,
The kind that I have never felt before,
I felt useless like all my hard works went down the drain,
I did my best and turned out the best,
But in the end it was not worth the pain.
For the first time in my life, I was devastated to the point I wanted to cut myself and disappeared.
For the first time in my life, I saw the scissors as something to release the pain.
But for the countless times in my life, I still fear the sin and the Almighty.
The test by Him is unbearable,
That I questioned myself countless times,
"Am I not enough?"
"Did I not work hard enough?"
"Have I sinned so much that He took away the thing I wanted the most?"
But amidst of all of this,
I felt guilty,
Like I refused what He has written to me,
Like I did not want to believe that,
He did this as He wanted the best for me.
