Jewels of the Crown

♛ 6 ♛

Warning: Mentions of young parenthood.

The next couple of days I spend in the castle, and with my mother, wanting to keep an eye on her. She doesn't leave her room, this time listening to the doctor's orders, which I am thankful for. I think her collapsing episode made her realise that maybe she can't do as much as she had hoped, and to take it easy from this point forward. I worry that maybe my mother will change her mind about abdicating the throne, and tell Reginald that she will be stepping down, making him go ahead with finding me a consort. I will then have to take the throne, and I'm no more ready for it than I was a couple of days ago. Luckily, my mother doesn't look like she's changing her mind about that any time soon.

Today is the first day that I feel comfortable leaving my mother's side, as her condition hasn't changed. It's exactly the same as it was before she collapsed.

I stand at my window, looking over the kingdom, fiddling with the bangle on my wrist from Faron, which I seem to do every time I am thinking or anxious. Today I'm both. I want to go out and explore the kingdom in daylight, and see the things I couldn't before, but I'm afraid that Faron, and others, will have recognised me when they came to the castle, and my identity won't be secret for long. There's also the possibility of my absence being noticed.

I arrived back to my room yesterday to find my clean robe and spare dress that Cindy acquired for me, neatly folded on my bed. I hid them at the back of my wardrobe, so on the occasion that I want to return to the kingdom, I know where they are. I know the only way for me to find out if I will be recognised is to go down and do it. I can think of every possible scenario, but without actually doing it, I can't say any of them will be true. It's just getting myself to go through with it.

I start walking to the wardrobe a couple of times, before changing my mind halfway and turning back. I postpone it further by going to the door, poking my head out to ask one of the guards to go and collect Cindy. There is a slight method in me postponing it - I can't get out of my corset by myself. I can loosen it, but not fully leave it. It'll be easier on me to keep the secret with one person, rather than having to explain it to another person. The more people, the bigger the chance of someone letting it slip.

A couple of minutes later the door opens, and Cindy enters curtseying.

"Ma'am, you called?"

"I wish to go back down into the kingdom," I tell her, mimicking when I told her a couple of nights ago. This time she doesn't look as shocked, but a questioning look does still hit her features. She doesn't voice her questions but complies, by moving to me, and undoing my corset.

I go through the same motions that I did when I went down into the kingdom before. Taking my makeup off, and releasing my hair from the up-do. Once I have finished, and I have dressed, I turn to Cindy.

"I don't want to stop you from going about your duties, so you are dismissed for now, but could you help me further by telling the guards on the way out that I will be napping and do not want to be disturbed, and once the sun sets please return to make sure that I have made it back safely?" I ask of her.

"Ma'am are you sure this a good idea?" she asks. "I understand that-" Not wanting her to put any more doubts in my mind about what I'm going to do, I cut her off. I don't like pulling rank on servants to get them to do what I have asked, I usually go for asking and then trying another servant if the first doesn't want to comply. I hardly ask them to do things they wouldn't want to do. If I can do it myself, I will, usually.

"I have made my decision," I tell her, looking pointedly at her.

"Sorry, ma'am. I will go and do that," she says, curtseying before leaving the room. I stay for a moment, listening to her tell the guards, through the door, that I am to be left alone. Once I hear her leave, and the corridor outside is quiet, I move to open the passage. I am about to enter when I remember that I am still wearing Faron's bangle, and it will be a giveaway if I see him, so I turn back, sliding the bangle off.