Journey to a Better End II

Chapter 18

If I knew what to say here I would have said it but I didn't know what to say...
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        He lazily opened his eyes to see that the little light available from the slowly rising sun was being blocked by someone's shadow but he was sure that he'd fallen asleep away from everyone else. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," his mother's familiar voice said as he met her gaze. She sat nearby and kept staring at him likely deep in thought. Add said nothing as he rose and sat himself up. It was sort of strange to find his mother there but he didn't mind it.

        "I heard you conversation last night...at least the last parts of it," Grace spoke. Add's eyes widened in shock and he looked at his mother in alarm. When had she woken up and how had they not noticed her listening? "Calm down, don't panick. I'm not going to do anything. I really just want to talk to you but I don't even know if that's safe. You might end up ruining things in your future and I wouldn't want that," Grace said with a slight frown.

        "How much did you hear?" Add asked looking away from his mother's familiar face. He couldn't stand to look her in the eyes knowing what would happen to her in the future, what would become of her personality and overall sanity. "Just the part where you were talking about going back where you came from. And then I heard everything after that," Grace admitted. Add sighed. So she'd heard the things his younger self had said and everything after that about him wanting to fix things. That was definitely a problem.

        "Whatever it is that I end up doing to you, I'm so sorry," Grace said. Add looked to her in surprise. "You don't have to apologize. It isn't your fault," Add said. "No, Add...it is my fault. I heard what you said and I thought about what I've been doing. I give him less and less attention every day and apparently it worsens in the future. It doesn't take much thought to realize that I must have abandoned you and...and I'm so sorry. I...I would never ever want to do something like that," Grace said as tears began to fall from her eyes but Add shook his head at her.

        "You didn't abandon me, I promise you never did that...please don't cry," Add said. He hated seeing his mither cry for she had cried so many times over the years and it pained him every time. "How can I not. You're all I have left and yet even now I wonder every now and then what life would be like without you around and I hate myself for it! I keep thinking why it is that you bring me just as much sadness as you do joy and it's wrong...I'm so wrong," Grace sobbed.

        Add did his best not to cry too and it was working for the time being but he didn't know how long it would be that way. "Mother...don't blame yourself. Don't do that," Add whimpered as he forced himself to look down at the ground. They sat there for a moment, Grace letting out her tears and Add holding back his own until finally Grace stopped crying. Even then, Add keot his eyes glued to the ground but suddenly snapped them shut when a tear fell and wet the earth.

        "Add...no matter what happens in the future, I want you to make the best decision. You said I never abandoned you but if for any reason I ever try to harm you, I want you to leave me. I don't want you to stay there and let me harm you," Grace spoke as calmly as she could. Add immediately met his mother's gaze with shock written all in his eyes and he wanted to say something but Grace put a finger to his mouth to silence him.

        "Promise me you'll leave me behind. Promise me you won't let me hurt you," Grace said on the verge of more tears but Add shook his head at her. He refused to make such a promise. He vowed to never give up on is mother no matter what and he was going to keep that vow for she was the only family he had left and he was not going to lose her. "You have to...for my sake, I need you to make that promise," Grace pleaded taking her hand way.