absence makes the heart go...???

Chapter 6

"At this point, I'm not even surprised," Naruto mutters to himself, dragging his feet as he walks with his hands jammed in his pockets. Of course Team Asuma is gone on another mission, and of course he's not going to be able to see Shikamaru again. He still doesn't know why he cares so much, but if it's complicated then it isn't worth thinking about, and isn't worth trying to understand. At least, that's what he's told himself, since it's been too confusing trying to figure this out.

He feels like he won't be able to understand anything until he's actually able to see Shikamaru face to face, and maybe then he'll know why he's wanted to see him so much. Until then, he's going to stay confused, he just knows it, and that's why it's so frustrating that they keep just barely missing each other.

"Hey, Naruto! Hey!" He turns at the familiar voice, to see Kiba waving at him. Shino is at his side, and Naruto grins, running up to join them.

"Hey, guys! It's been a while!" he says. "Things have been totally crazy lately, huh?"

"Yeah, your team has been in and out a lot, huh?" asks Kiba. "But, hey, have you heard?"

"Heard what?"

"Lady Tsunade's gonna try to avoid sending all of us out as much as possible until the wedding is over! Like, your team and Team Asuma too, I mean!"

"What, really?" Naruto's eyes widen, and so does his grin. "Aw, man, that's so great! We're all gonna get to go!"

"Yeah, all of us," Kiba says, with a sudden sly grin. "Including...you know... Shikamaru ."

"What the hell?!" Naruto exclaims. "Why are you on about that too?!"

"Oh, so you hear it a lot, huh?" He laughs. "Looks like it's totally obvious to everyone! Man, I thought maybe I was crazy, but it's gotta be true."

"What are you talking about? Kiba, did you go crazy or something?"

"He's talking about your relationship, I think," Shino says. "Kiba thinks that the two of you are having an affair, or something of the sort."

"It was your idea!" Kiba protests. "Don't act like this is all on me, you're the one who wanted to know why Shikamaru was talking about him?"

"Okay, now I know both of you are totally crazy!" Naruto says, scowling. He hates the way his heartbeat speeds up at that remark, as if it were actually true or something. Obviously they aren't having an affair, because if they were, he would know about it, but if he's getting flustered at the thought of it, then that has to mean something, right?

It means more than he wants to think about, and he's not ready to think about that yet. He doesn't have time to get teased by these two weirdos, and he isn't interested in anything else that they have to say.

"Did we strike a nerve? Huh, Naruto?" Kiba leans closer. "You know, if there's something going on, you can tell your best friends, right?"

"I don't see any best friends here," he retorts. "Besides, there's nothing to tell, so get off my case!"

"Aw, you shouldn't be so shy, you know?"

It takes Naruto quite some time to actually get Kiba off of his case, and Shino's occasional interjections do not help at all.

~X~

So, maybe avoiding his feelings isn't the best course of action. Maybe he's known that all along and maybe he hasn't; Naruto has never been the brightest. Whatever the case, avoiding his feelings isn't the best course of action, and even if he can't face Shikamaru right now, he's going to be able to soon, and it might be better to understand more of his feelings between now and then.

So where does he start? Where did any of this start? When did it start? Was it when they laid under the stars together, and agreed that they couldn't understand their female teammates, or was it that day, when they had to face off against Gaara together in the hospital? Was it sooner than that, when he woke up that same day to find Shikamaru watching over him, or was it when they were children, back at the academy, bonded in their troublemaking and little else?

Naruto doesn't know. He doesn't know anything about any of this because he has so little experience. It was easier understanding when he liked Sakura, because he thought she was cute, and admired how brainy she was when he struggled with things like that, and other boys his age talked about taking girls on dates and he knew that if he were going to take a girl, Sakura would be his first choice. He never really thought about guys like that, even though he knew that was a thing, and so, he never really knew what it felt like to like a guy.

Is that what's going on now?

Well, Shikamaru is certainly brainy, even if he tries to act like he isn't and slacks off most of the time. Naruto doesn't know if he'd describe him as "cute", because that feels so, so weird, but he's definitely not unattractive. Would he want to go on a date with him? What's it even like to go on a date, anyway? Come to think of it, he never made any progress with Sakura, so he's got no idea what a date really entails.

Maybe talking a lot? If it's just hanging out and talking, that's something that he already does with Shikamaru, and that's what started this whole mess in the first place. He liked when they hung out and talked together, so would that mean that he would like going on dates with him? He's overthinking things, and he has never been fond of thinking in the first place. Maybe he does like Shikamaru, and maybe he likes him in the kind of way that makes him want to be with him, in the way that he liked Sakura. It's way more complicated this time, for some reason, but he thinks that he's at least arrived at the root of the problem.

Naruto still doesn't know how this happened, nor does he know what he's supposed to do from this point on, but he thinks he finally understands his feelings, at least a little bit better. If he does like Shikamaru, and he's almost certain now that he does, then the best course of action is to go for it. He's never been one to hold back when he wants something, and he wants to spend more time with Shikamaru, and if that means he wants to date him, then he's going to shoot for that.

They're going to get to see each other at the wedding; everyone is going to be there. There's not going to be anything standing in his way, and as soon as he sees Shikamaru, he's going to say something! He's been waiting for this for too long now, with all the near misses, all the times that either one of them has just left, and Naruto has grown impatient. He's not letting anything get in the way of him finally talking to Shikamaru!