"You were fifteen, Yoongi-ah." Jin states softly, "Neither of you had a choice."
DISCONTINUED, but there is a rewrite you can check out if you want more content!
AN: This is a Park Jimin Fanfic as well as a Yoongi's Sister Fanfic. Just in case you w...
Before you read, know that this is Jimin's internal stuff starting from the middle of the last chapter.
Jimin knows that he's a worrier. He knows. He's known for years that it's extremely easy to stress himself out just by thinking about something he's scared of for too long. The negative thoughts will build up, eventually morphing into genuine negative emotions, and then Jimin will find himself stuck in the rapidly descending spiral of anxiety. That exact process has happened to him on more than one occasion, and while it's easy to avoid (talking out his worries with one of the other members quickly dispels any gathering anxiety) it's also very easy for Jimin to do almost completely unconsciously.
The same unanswerable questions circle through Jimin's brain like vultures circling their prey. They aren't much different than his usual self-deprecating thoughts; not quite hateful, but full of groundless doubts and demoralizing fears. Normally he would brush them aside like nothing more than dust, but the subject of these thoughts is a hundred times more important to him than anything else he's ever encountered, and consequently the fears, no matter how ridiculous, hurt that much more.
On any other normal day, Jimin's heart would leap for joy the moment he lays eyes on his precious angel- but his dreary thoughts dull down the excitement, and transform it into even more unfounded worries. Jimin tries to fight the tidal wave because he really wants to enjoy this short visit with Byeol. He really, truly does. But every attempt to shove the unwanted feelings to the bottom of his priorities list only generates more uneasiness.
It's all too easy to give up, to let the thoughts roam freely through his head while he distracts himself the best he can. He still smiles genuinely at B, bickers playfully with his hyung, and feels his heart combust with every soft look B throws his way, but he feels too drowned in his insecurities to fully participate in the conversation. Every word he forces out of his mouth drains his energy like faulty wiring, sucking the life out of him slowly, painfully. Jimin usually finds joy in talking, especially to the Mins, but fear makes joy impossible.
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I didn't want him to find out like this.
It's almost a relief when B finally leaves, polishing off her lunch and letting the boys hug (Jimin) or kiss (Yoongi peppers her forehead in 뽀뽀 [kisses]) her goodbye before she disappears out the door. Yet at the same time it isn't a relief to him at all, because as soon as she's out of sight all sense of stability vanishes, and the doubts pummel Jimin's confidence until it gives in under their weight.
His eyes dart towards the floor and focus on Yoongi's feet under the table, staying as far away from Yoongi's perceptive gaze as possible. Jimin knows-- he knows that his emotions are as easy to read as a first grade level book. It's all over the moment Yoongi looks into his eyes. Any one of his members would be able to tell in an instant that something very not right is going on inside Jimin's head, but Jimin hates it when they worry about him. If given the choice to either ask for help or suffer alone, to Jimin suffering in silence is always the better choice. He would rather be buried in his own panic than burden one of his best friends.
