Malice

Chapter 7: Blame

One thing about Alex that would probably remain the same until the day he died is the fact that he didn't give up. He always saw things as a challenge and he always coveted a victory when he had his mind made up. He refused to admit it, but I knew him better than he knew himself. I never would have thought for a single second that he'd be jealous and chasing after me, seeing me as the prize of the challenge. The even scarier part was that he was capable of killing anything or anyone that got in his way and I was afraid of Andy getting hurt because of me. Andy and I had the potential to be something beautiful and healthy, but with Alex back in the picture, I could feel it slipping through my fingers.

I wanted to be good and behave myself in order to do right by Andy. I wanted to block out the rest of the world just to see how serious we could get. But I just couldn't help myself. When I weighed the options, dangling myself in front of Alex's face like it was feeding time at the zoo with me being the meal, I wanted to have as much fun as possible. Making him jealous was just too fucking exciting. I made sure that all of his friends and associates knew that I was acting like the last conversation we had never happened. I would hang all over Andy in the hallways knowing that his minions would run back and tell him. The sad part about Welch is that people are almost guaranteed to gossip and tell fucked up versions of the truth. I learned a long time ago to feed information to someone that you knew would run their mouth just to make sure that they would have a huge hand in delivering your message with little to no effort.

Every time I saw Alex at sporting events or parties, I could tell that he'd received my messages. His pissed off facial expressions were everything I needed to feel like I was on top of the fucking world. He always hated to let his emotions show. He knew that I would notice that he was angry and he thought I would be the first one to shoot him a text in an attempt to make things better. That led to him ignoring my messages for a while and then we'd be back on each other again. It was all just a huge fucked up game that made him feel like he was king of the world.

That shit was beyond out of the question now. I wasn't going to beg him to be with me simply because that only fueled his ego in the past. I wasn't going to fall back into the same old bullshit again. I thought things were going pretty good with me and Andy when he wasn't acting funny. He knew that I wasn't going to blow him off, but I could tell that he felt a bit insecure. He always acted like I was just settling for him and Alex had so much more to offer. He often complained about how I would get tired of him and his sort of boring lifestyle and kick him to the side for Alex one day. I didn't want it to bother me, but it often seemed like a good idea. At least I wouldn't have to listen to his bitching. It was annoying, but it was still better than being used by someone that wasn't sure how to deal with their emotions. Between the two of them, I would have been a fool to side with Alex in search of my happily ever after. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was good enough to get one of those and it was a possibility if I stayed with Andy.

...."Just try to relax. You'll have fun," I said as I placed my hand on Andy's thigh. "You know this isn't my scene," he said sternly. It took a lot of convincing, but I was able to drag him to a party with me. It was mostly to give him a peace of mind. He never really made it a big deal when I went out, but people were dropping bugs in his ears here lately because they would see me and Alex in the same room. The last time I decided to go out turned into one big screaming match that still annoyed the fuck out of me to this very day. I eventually decided that it would be easier to just make him tag along so he could see that there was nothing going on with his own two eyes. I turned to look at him with puppy dog eyes, making my bottom lip quiver just a little as I batted my eyelashes. "Fine. But I'm only doing this for you. I'm not drinking," he said, sounding defeated. "You don't have to. There will be no peer pressure." He didn't know it, but my favorite thing about him was that he was so careful. He always made sure that he wasn't impaired so he could always be aware of his surroundings. When he would hang out with me, he always looked out for my safety and that was something that I was incredibly thankful for.