Malice

Chapter 10: In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida

It never really mattered to me that being high turned me into a total fucking zombie. Sometimes it was the only way to shut my brain off and it gave me a little bit of peace. It was the only time that my soul felt free. The only disadvantage was when my emotions were raw and unpredictable. Sometimes I'd stuff my face full of Doritos and chug a two liter of Mountain Dew just to throw it all up later on. Sometimes I wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep my life away because the depression would hit me harder than ever. Sometimes I would cry for hours while begging Alex to stay faithful to me through texts and voicemails.

Tonight, I was home alone and I wanted to smoke the stress away whole I kicked back and got lost in the raw psychedelic beauty of Iron Butterfly. It was one of the only cool things that my parents owned along with the vintage record player they used to blast the music when I was a kid. I truly felt relaxed and peaceful wand this was one of those rare occasions where I enjoyed being alone and disconnected from the rest of the world. Ashe and Brina were probably blowing me up about what went down in class earlier today and my parents were probably sending me constant reminders about taking my ass to school even if they were going to be gone for a week and couldn't harass me about it in person. I wasn't even worried about them or anything else happening in the outside world. As soon as i came home, I found a letter from Mom and Dad saying that they'd be gone for the rest of the week. I wanted to jump for joy because I dreaded every second that I thought about explaining to them why I left school early in tears. They wouldn't understand and I'd be willing to bet that they would tell me to just suck it up because I was just being stupid. I hated to admit it, but I probably had a few screws loose that desperately needed medical attention and my parents acted like I was just being a typical stupid teenager. It was a sad situation, but almost all of our parents thought that we were just a bunch of dumb asses.

I couldn't even remember where I put my phone. All I remembered was sprinting to my room to grab my stash and bowl. The rest of my memory was just a big ass cloud of smoke. I had no idea how many hours had passed since I got started. I had a pretty decent amount of weed left from the pound that Alex blessed me with for Christmas last year. My room sounded and smelled like something straight out of Woodstock and I loved every minute of it. All I was missing was a Volkswagen van covered in peace signs and a shit ton of LSD and after my first and only acid trip when I thought I was a fucking sloth that could read minds and fly, that was a hard pass that I was going to have to take.

I didn't need any help with feeling like I was losing my fucking mind. Today had been entirely too much for me to handle and I really didn't know where to go from here. Andy was only supposed to distract me and help me blow off some steam because Alex was being an asshole. That was my game plan from the very beginning when I had a clear head with clear intentions. Then my dumb ass had to get my feelings involved and practically fell in love with him because I thought that being in a monogamous relationship was a good idea. I got played and now I had to suffer. There was no other way to handle it except for smoking and drinking the pain away. That was what I always did best.

I was fading in and out, completely mesmerized by the giant cloud of smoke lingering above my bed when I heard the sound of someone pounding on the door over the music. I wasn't particularly worried about who was out there. I didn't even feel the need to get in a hurry to get downstairs to see what they wanted. My mind was definitely working a lot faster than my body, but not by much with the few brain cells I probably had left struggling to pick up the slack. My eyes were probably blood red and I was struggling to keep them open just enough to be able to watch where I was going. I desperately wanted to crawl into bed and sleep for the rest of the week, but the asshole outside wasn't going to go away.

"I'm coming, jack ass!" I snapped as I gripped the rail coming down the stairs. They continued to knock and it only pissed me off even more. I gave up and decided to focus on making it down the last three steps without breaking my neck. "Jesus Christ," I said as I started to lose my high. I was really going to be a bitch to whoever was knocking on the door like they were the fucking police.