Malice

Chapter 13: See U Never

Alex had only brought me out of the darkness and into his world to distract me. He'd blinded me with a false change of heart. I went on, for what seemed like forever, beating myself up for being so clueless and gullible. I was beginning to feel like absolute shit for mutilating another human being. I was sure that I was going to end up getting hurt, but with Anton's tip and the way that Alex's body responded to the comment, I had the upper hand. I just had to sit back and open my fucking eyes to see it for myself. I preferred my pain being self inflicted anyway. It was going to be a lot less painful.
I was now observing his every move and the way he acted had basically given me a sign to watch my back and realize that he'd been manipulating me all along. I didn't have it in me to shed a single tear over his lies and bullshit. I was actually pissed beyond belief. Now that my suspicions had practically been confirmed, I had to play it cool and eventually he would tell on himself and I would catch him red-handed. He was already desperately kissing my ass, hoping that I didn't notice anything. His actions were only fueling a fire and he had no idea that he was about to get burned.
I took to heading home every night even when he begged me to stay or begged to come with me even if it was just for a few hours. Staying under his roof and sharing a bed with him would have made me look like a dumb ass. The way people acted in school made it easier to see that there was someone else in the mix of our relationship. Sometimes he'd blow up my phone constantly only to suddenly stop like he had dropped off of the face of the earth. He would try to pass his disappearances off as being business related. I knew better. The only time he'd do that was when he'd take off and go down south and I already knew that his trips out of town would be put on hold for a while. Even when he did go out of town, he'd prepare me for his departure. He was so bad at trying to be sneaky that it was actually pathetic.
He was only dogging himself a bigger grave. That part didn't bother me at all. Trying to find out who it was would be the death of me. I would often lose my focus trying to as a million questions that left my brain scrambled. Who was she? Was she prettier than me? Was she skinnier than me? Was her ass bigger than mine? Did her parents have money? Why wasn't I good enough? What did she do for him that made him turn his back on me? Did she know about me? Which one of them made the first move? Was she laying in his bed at night? Did he love her?
Ashe and Brina were pissed off at my behavior. They say what all of this was doing to me and they figured that I would have learned my lesson by now. They had hated Alex for as long as I could remember and they still made it a point to remind me. A part of me could see things from their perspective. They cared about me even when I abandoned them for a guy that treated me like shit. They had no problem with standing in the shadows to let me figure all of this out on my own. They definitely didn't have a problem with saying 'We told you so,' when it was all said and done. They never liked our relationship, but they were always there to support me no matter how distant I'd be from them....."Fuck it. Just do you. If you keep trying to find out who she is, you're just going to worry yourself to death," Brina said as she puffed on her cigarette. I say Indian style in the back seat of her car with my lips forming a tight seal around Ashe's favorite pink bong. Ashe sat in the passenger seat, anxiously waiting for me to pass it over to her. "Definitely. you'll make yourself sick. Fuck him and his bitch," Ashe snapped. It hurt to hear them suggest that I should just surrender. But the heat from the smoke filled my lungs, burning just enough to mask the heartache. "You don't deserve this shit," Brina said calmly. Between the two of them, she was much more gently than Ashe. She was the big sister in our group and she hated seeing me in so much pain.
With over a week flying by since I'd heard from Alex, not even caring enough to reach out and contact him first. Mount View was playing Bluefield in football for the first time in over five years. It was guaranteed to be the most crowded game of the entire season and Ashe and Brina weren't going to let me sit at home and sulk. We'd had the most intense pre-gaming session ever. I wasn't even sure if I was going to be able to hold my eyes open to make it to the game. With guys from Bluefield being there with females flocking to them like their lives depended on it, Ashe and Brina decided to gear up for a night of flaunting everything they had to grab the attention of every guy and be the envy of every girl. You could tell that they were from Welch and went to Mount View. A new face from another school or city always sent the females in McDowell County into a frenzy. The football field was going to be like a fucking shark tank with the new faces being the blood spreading in the water to draw them in. The girls would be ready to kill each other because of the tension that came with the competition. Luckily, we would be the few that wouldn't run around trying to find a cloud of smoke in a desperate attempt to get a buzz. That alone was enough to be our entertainment for the night.
"Ready or not, here we come," Brina said as she fluffed out her curls in the rear view mirror. Ashe took one last drag from her bong before neatly packing it away. The two of them seemed like they were getting nervous and that wasn't a good sign for me. I wasn't entirely sure how to feel and I hoped to be able to lean on them for strength if I needed to. They were bringing me out with them so I could unwind and after thinking about it for a few more minutes, I finally realized that I had to chill. Chilling seemed like it would be impossible throughout the last few days, but I needed to do it. The stress was killing me slowly because it was unnecessary. Tonight was a night for me to let it all go and live in the moment just to have fun. Alex didn't care about me, so he didn't deserve any more of my energy or attention. ....I'd laughed until there were tears in my eyes, yelled during every attempt that our players made to score, and I had just scarfed down my fourth hot dog, chasing it with an ice cold Mountain Dew. I probably looked like I was trying to win an eating contest with the satisfaction of being full making me crave nicotine. I'd been enjoying myself for a little over an hour, so I felt like I earned at least a cigarette or two. My eyes scanned the open space in front of the concession stand and then I was finally able to spot Brina. I practically skipped over to her and she looked awfully confused by my enthusiasm. "You good?" she asked loudly over the crowd roaring once again. "Hell yeah! I can be happy and have fun!" I said, grinning from ear to ear. She cracked a smile, "usually this much enthusiasm comes before and after an orgasm," she joked. "I'm not even thinking about getting penetrated tonight. I just came over to borrow a cigarette," I said with a few chuckles between my words. Brina was definitely relieved and she pulled the pack out of her back pocket along with the lighter and placed them both in my hand. "Smoke as many as you need," she said with a smile. She knew that she never had to worry about me murdering her pack because I wasn't really a smoker. I only ever smoked one or two when I'd come down from my high, still full from having the munchies, but that was never enough to warrant me buying and smoking a whole pack on my own.
I shuffled through the crowd trying to make it outside the gate and I was beginning to get frustrated like I always did when it came to being tiny. I was always getting trapped in a huge crowd because of my size. I was surprised by the fact that I didn't start smacking, punching, and shoving bodies out of my way fast enough. But no matter how bad I wanted to, I stayed calm. Tensions were always high at these games and all it took was a single punch to cause a riot. With the entire stadium as packed as it was, a riot would have been an absolute nightmare.I wanted to run into the darkness for that first drag when I finally got where I wanted to be. I began to realize how much I fucking hated people and how much I hated to be touched. I'd probably need at least a dozen showers to get rid of the smell of the musty fuckers that surrounded me.
I marched as far away from the field as possible to light my cigarette when I saw how many cops were lurking around. They didn't have anything better to do than to arrest and harass innocent people carrying crumbs of weed to seek recognition from what they would play off as a massive drug bust worthy of a spot on WVVA. They ignored the psychotic addicts and murderous boyfriends and husbands in the county. They wouldn't even bat an eye at the perverted school teachers, rapists, and children that were being abused. But they'd slap a pair of handcuffs on your ass in a heartbeat just to call themselves heroes if you even looked like you smoked weed or simply because they didn't like you. Nothing was more important to them than the praise that came with anything that had to do with drugs being involved. The praise only came from the people who had witnessed the rise and fall of McDowell County that held onto the false hope that they would once again be able to live in a place that wasn't riddled with the disease that was addition. Sadly, it probably wasn't going to be eradicated any time soon.
I made sure that they wouldn't be able to get my ass on any bogus charges by walking down toward the Voc school. You couldn't see your hand in front of your face unless you were standing directly under one of the random street lights, so you definitely couldn't spot someone smoking.