Ily tho

21.

Do you know,how I feel beside you?

At that party yesterday, you jumped up to hug me and say hello. We sat together on that bench and I was just so lucky but then you went to the others and we did not talk a word afterwards.

But when you send me messages I have to smile immediately and even if you're not sending me messages, you just won't go out of my head.

We are having a sleepover. We played a game, watched series, talked,...
But really, I desired to kiss you so bad.

In your house, there are so many pictures of you and your family but I see especially those of you. And you look so gorgeous and beautiful and the way you talk, move, do everything just drives me crazy and I could just stare at you 24/7 but...

I do realize you don't feel it too.
And I know it's hard because we both live in the closet and I am not even your type but I happened to fall in love.
With you.

I have hope, I do have but otherwise I stop myself from trying because I know it will hurt...
a lot more than last time

Now you are still sleeping but I am already awake. As I went to the toilet I could see your face and it's just so perfect.

I stopped myself from staring at you but when I came back, I felt that huge desire to kiss you on the forehead. To kiss you good morning and lie beside you to cuddle. To make you breakfast and tea, to hold your hand in sleep, to wake up everyday and see you when I open my eyes.

I wish I could tell you all those things and I wish you would return them. Sometimes I dream about you accidently giving me a hint to ask you out or kiss you. I've watched all the yt videos about signs someone likes you and searched for every of them in you. I tried to give you a hint, to help you do things, to give you compliments, to stare at your eyes when you talk to me but you are just you, like you've always been.

And I can't even be mad at you to not realize it because I am very still and it's hard to understand me right and I know that pretty much everyone don't get me right.

I want you to know because maybe if you knew you would try because you want to at least once have a love that is not onesided, but otherwise, maybe I am already in your friend-zone and there is no way for me to get out of it because you stuck me there forever and I would destroy everything by wanting more.

So that's why I am writing this cause maybe one day you will read it and maybe you rethink about it and realize it's you I am talking about.

I am sorry for not telling you in person and maybe missing the opportunity for something so much more but I am just too afraid.

I love you tho