Empty Gold • d.meadowes

-31-

"Room for me?"

Dorcas was alone in the Hogwarts grounds, seated under a large tree and revising Transfiguration when Juliet interrupted her. She looked up at her in surprise. She was empty-handed, dressed in casual clothes – a flowery blouse and bell bottoms, her wand tucked over her ear, half concealed by her blonde hair. A small smile pulled up the corners of her lips.

Seeing her, one wouldn't guess that Dorcas had yelled at her just a couple of days back. She wanted to apologise, but something held her back. It seemed that all the frustration she had bottled up inside her due to being forced to hide herself had come out that day and she had unwittingly released it on Juliet. After that, she found herself nurturing an unusual, irrational anger towards the Ravenclaw.

She was, perhaps, still irrevocably in love with Juliet Dearborn. But now, accompanying the love had come other emotions – anger, jealousy, despondence. Jealousy at how Juliet was so free, with herself and with everyone; how she was able to date whoever she liked, without any fear of being judged. Dorcas didn't want to, but she hated being different, hated that she wasn't attracted to boys. She hated every time she watched Juliet walk in the arms of another boy, kiss him passionately on the mouth. She hated Juliet in those moments, even though she knew none of it was her fault.

But as of right now, she shoved those undesirable emotions to the back of her mind and forced a smile onto her face. "Of course," she said and patted the spot next to her. Juliet sat down, folding her legs.

Neither spoke. Maybe Juliet was waiting for her to apologise. But Dorcas wasn't read to give her that. An irrational stubbornness has taken over her. And she enjoyed it.

"Have I done something to offend you?" Juliet asked after quite a few minutes of silence have passed between them.

Dorcas lowered her head; she didn't stop reading her book. A small part of her begged her to apologise, but it was overcome by the rest of her. She heard Juliet let out a sigh.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?"

She gave a small shake of her head.

Juliet didn't respond in any way. But a minute later, she snatched the Transfiguration book from her hands, clutching it tightly as Dorcas protested. She whipped out her wand and levitated the book, five feet, ten feet, twenty feet above them. Dorcas rolled her eyes. "You know I can easily get it back, don't you?"

But Juliet elected to ignore the remark. "Tell me what is going on with you. Are you mad at me because I kept pushing you about Cillian? Or is there something else?"

Dorcas's eyes didn't leave her book. She could easily have summoned it towards her, but she let Juliet have the moment. Instead, she looked at the girl sitting in front of her, sighing. How could she explain to her what she was going through?

"I've been a bit down lately," she said finally. Her fingers were twisted together in her lap and she stared at them. "Nothing you need to concern yourself with."

"I'm your friend. You can tell me anything."

Dorcas laughed suddenly. It was a cold, bitter laugh, and a clear look of hurt passed across Juliet's face. She ignored it as she said, "I can't. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry for treating you like that the other day. You don't deserve it. I'm going through something and I took it out on you. It was immature and selfish of me. I'm sorry."

Juliet lowered her wand and the Transfiguration book slowly descended, before landing in between them. She looked away, observing the people on the grounds – first and second years – running around excitedly like there was no worry in the world.

"Do you ever feel jealous of them?" Dorcas asked her. She smiled knowingly, showing that she was thinking the same thing as her.

"All the time. I wish we could be as uncaring as they are." She looked sideways at Dorcas. "I get sad when I realise that they're going to become like us in a few years."

"Mm."

Dorcas wet her lips. She wanted to ask Juliet about her boyfriend. She realised it was the only topic she had strayed from, avoiding her every time she brought him up. It was selfish, she figured.

Well, she would ask her now.

Juliet's boyfriend was a seventh year Ravenclaw, just like her. She didn't know much about him except that his name was Tristan Chambers, and that he liked to visit the choir practices once in a while to show support to his girlfriend. He wasn't as popular or as good-looking as Cillian was, which was peculiar, for Juliet seemed to be the kind of girl who would date Quidditch players who every girl fawned over. Nevertheless, they have been dating for over a year, and their relationship seemed quite serious.

"I never really asked about your boyfriend, have I?" she began. "How long have you two been together?"

Juliet did a quick mental calculation before saying, "Around a year, I believe."

"What is he like?"

She shrugged, although a goofy smile appeared on her face as she pulled her legs close to her and made herself comfortable. She looked like she would absolutely love talking about him.

"Well, if I want to sum him up, I'd say he may be a wizard but a he's muggle at heart. He's half blood, you see? His mother is a muggle, and it seems like he hasn't really been able to leave that part of his origin behind him. He refuses to use quills, and insists on writing with these muggle alternatives, pens. He has even published several articles in different magazines where he talked about how wizard technology is backwards and how we would benefit from muggle items. Of course, half of his articles got rejected – wizards don't like hearing about how inferior they are. Besides, he doesn't shy away from using strong language."

Dorcas found herself smiling as she listened to Juliet talk about Tristan. The initial anger she had felt towards her slowly began to fade away. How could she blame Juliet for what was going on with her? She was lovely, mesmerising, innocent and pure. It was bad enough that there was a war looming over them, threatening to wash away their lives into ruins, and Dorcas didn't need to make it worse by being a bitch to her.

She decided she would come out to her.

Right now.

Dorcas wasn't sure what made her come to the hasty decision. Maybe she felt that she didn't care anymore if Juliet hated her. Perhaps it was more important to her to know, for certain, whether she would accept her for who she was, rather than holding on to her desperately with her feelings stashed to the back of her mind. She found herself not caring about the reason. She was tired of keeping her feelings a secret, and she would tell Juliet, everything. She wouldn't care about the outcome.

She looked at her. Juliet was still talking, moving her hands in sync with the story that her lips shaped. She was smiling. She was happy.

When she paused after her story was over, Dorcas offered her a smile. And before she could change her mind, she said, "Juliet, I need to tell you something."

"What is it?" She was smiling, perfectly contradictory to what Dorcas felt. Her stomach was twisting painfully, and her throat went dry. But she was determined. Determined to say it, determined to hide herself no longer.

She said it.

"Juliet, I'm in love with you."