Empty Gold • d.meadowes

-36-

Be careful what you wish for, it might come true.

Dorcas had heard this saying plenty of times, but it was only now that she experienced its true meaning. She had always wondered about who her real friends were - who would accept her unconditionally and who would abandon her when they found out that she liked girls. Now that most of the castle knew her secret, she was able to witness the true colour of people.

Maeve and Silver were, of course, more than supportive of her as she attempted to deal with the people shooting glares in her direction or simply just walking away from her when normally they would stop to say hi. When she went to sit at the Great Hall for breakfast, the people around her moved away, lowering their voices into hushed whispers as if they were scared she might infect them. Walking across the corridors proved painful as she would watch people pointing fingers at her, and had to tolerate the disgusting comments made by passing boys. The library was the worst of all; even the librarian didn't smile at her when she went over to borrow a book, giving her a suppressed humph in answer to a question she had asked. This coming from a teacher hurt much, much more than the entire castle combined.

Despite the obvious discrimination over something she couldn't control, Dorcas had gained love from the most unexpected of places. She was going to the Potions practice room one morning when she heard someone call her name from behind her. Tired of the increased catcalling, she hastened her pace and shouted over her shoulder, "I'm not going to kiss a girl for your amusement!" but the boy caught up and got into steps beside her.

"No, you misunderstood," he said apologetically. She slowed down to look at him, recognising him as a fourth year Gryffindor. He continued. "I just wanted to tell you that I admire you for being so brave. You don't deserve what you are going through, and I may not understand the pain you are under, but I want you to know that there are people who support you. There may not be many of them, but there's enough to make a difference."

She stopped walking and gave him a small smile. Her lips felt strange as she did so - she felt like she hadn't smiled in a long time. The boy smiled briefly and went on his way.

Another time was when she was in the kitchen - it was the only place outside of her dormitories where she could be alone as not many people knew of it. She was waiting for the house elves to bring her food when a tiny house elf trotted towards her and offered her a cupcake. "Here is a cupcake for Miss for all the trouble she is going through."

Dorcas was touched, although she kept wondering how they knew of what was going on up in the castle. Maybe they gossiped amongst themselves about the students. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she bit into the cupcake made just for her.

At the moment, Dorcas was in the seventh year girls' dormitories, lying in her bed and revising for the NEWTs. She tried to avoid leaving the comfort of the Gryffindor tower as much as she could, sometimes asking her friends to bring in food for her during mealtimes. She has also been avoiding Juliet.

Dorcas didn't know what Juliet thought of her now that her secret was out in the open. And she was too scared to find out.

After flipping aimlessly through a few pages, she closed her book and dropped it carelessly on the bed, letting out a deep sigh. The dorms were empty, allowing her to breathe freely for once, with no fear of anyone shooting her death glares or saying something nasty. She drew her legs closer to her and wrapped them in her arms, staring up at the ceiling.

She has always been terrified of people finding out, and the experience of watching people's reaction over her sexuality was excruciating to say the least. With every snide remark, every leer, every hateful glance, Dorcas felt herself sinking further and further into the ground, hating herself for being born this way. She hated that she was different, she hated that she felt no attraction towards boys, she hated having to live in fear of being herself.