Heart Full of Nothing

i wish that i could wake up with amnesia

I'll give you a signal to watch the video. I'm in a sad mood so this chapter will be sad. Far warning.

"I love you, but I can't"

"What"

"If we do this I'm afraid" I looked down un able to look at his hurt face.

"Afraid of what"

"Afraid I'll lose you"

1 year later

Lannan got back to dating Ilsa. I still love him. I don't go in the videos much anymore but I watch them and think what could have been. I just, I just wish I could forget everything.

  I wish I couldn't feel a thing. I really wish I couldn't feel a damn thing. Pain, it takes over, and ruins everything.
I was scrolling through Instagram and I see a picture, of lannan and Ilsa hanging over his shoulder kissing him, I looked at it and felt a rush of anger and I threw my phone at the wall. My back hit the wall, as I slid down hanging my head as tears left my face.

Now

  I lifted my head up looking up and whispering at God. "Why, why me" I felt angry again "WHY ME YOU SON OF A BITCH" I said collapsing on the ground and just drawing in my own tears.

I got up and wiped my face. I put on shoes and ran out the door. I ran, I don't know where but I just ran. I saw someone run out of the click house, I didn't see who and I don't care. They ran up to. "El, hey hey, el what's wrong" It was a girl voice in sure it's Kath I looked at her. "Why me"  I cried in between my sobs. "Hey shh it's ok" She grabbed me and pulled me in a hug. "Why, why did it have to be me"
She just held me and brought me back to the click house.

We walked in as Elliott asked what was wrong. "I don't know, s-she just broke into tears" I cried harder. We sat on the couch as Marcus came down. He sat with us rubbing my back as Kath kept telling me it was okay. "I-its not ok" I said. "Why" She said more concerned. "I can't take this anymore, I want my life to end" She looked at me "you don't mean that"

"Yes I do" I tried standing up but lannan came down. "What's going on" I looked up at him with red puffy face, from crying. "Nothing" I said giving him a dead face. I  walked out.

Lannans POV

I looked at her red crying face. It hurt so much. I loved Ilsa but I couldn't get over her. She was perfect, even in her worst. What I have felt for her, I've never felt for any other girl.

That night I went out with drinks with click. I got really, really drunk, and I regret everything. I texted El.

"Hey El"

"We haven't talked in a year leave me alone"

"I have something reaaally important to tell you"

"What"

"I'm in loooooove with you"

"I know you are"

"Don't you loooooove me back"

"Yes, but your drunk, your just saying that"

"I'm not druuuuuuuunk"

"Goodbye"

"No please don't go"
     Read 9:45 PM