Kid?

Chapter 6: Time to Go

Major Trigger Warning.
I feel like my writing might be really confusing but I'm not actually sure what I'm doing so??? I apologise for all of this. Any helpful tips would be appreciated because damn what is this.

Peter sat there for what felt like hours. His body was completely still, leaning against the headboard of his bed. Yet his mind was racing. He couldn't keep doing this, he knew that, and all he did was cause pain to those around him. The way he talked to Tony. Calling attention to himself by just lying there all day. But he hadn't been able to make himself move, his body was too heavy and the bed felt safer than having to go out into the world. He felt both nothing and everything at the same time. He knew he annoyed his friends and the rest of the team, acting all mopey, his annoying voice, and his entire demeanour really. But the team, in particular Tony, was forced to look after him. Forced to pretend to care about his pathetic life. He only put strain on their everyday lives and put them in danger in battles. He couldn't do anything right. He hurt people and he didn't have to hurt them if he was gone. Gone, a strange choice of words. Gone could mean he ran away, or got lost, or had simply gone off on holiday. But none of those things were what Peter wanted. What Peter wanted was more permanent.

After just sitting there and thinking for the longest time Peter swung his legs over the edge of his bed. He held that position for a moment and took a deep breath. Raising himself up he walked into his bathroom.

He searched the cabinet for what he was looking for, a bottle of paracetamol. Once he saw the bottle he re-evaluated his plan, this was not going to be enough. He wasn't sure if the half filled bottle was enough to kill a normal person but it definitely wouldn't do for him. He stared at the door out of his room and for the first day he opened it and went through.

Peter creeped through the hallway as quietly as he possible could. Cautiously he checked around corners as to avoid bumping into anyone. Despite all this he went fast, he didn't want to loose his nerve. Peter snuck into Tony's workshop. Tony notoriously spent days and nights down there without emerging but Peter had heard Tony being herded down the corridor earlier. He had caused the need for Tony to be taken to bed, another thing that was his fault.

Tony was slumped on a small desk chair while Steve relaxed back on Tony's bed.
"You've got to get some sleep, it's been days."
"S'do you Cap."
"How about you first, then we can talk about me."
Steve's voice was calm as he slowly stood up from the bed, not wanting to startle the other man, he then went and removed the bottle from Tony's hand.
"He's hurting Steve," Tony fidgeted with his hands, "M' kid is hurtin and i's all my fault. Now give me the bottle back."
"Come on Tony, you were doing so well. Moderation and all."
Tony only grunted from where he sat
"You aren't going to be much use to Pete out of your mind drunk."
This time Tony actually looked like he was considering the words that Steve had said to him. He took advantage of this to guide Tony to his bed and pushed him gently so he fell back. It had been a long time since any of the avengers had had to take a night to watch Tony, trying to discourage him as he tried to destroy himself. They all had their bad days but no one felt okay leaving Tony by himself while he was actively there trying to consume all the booze he could find. The rare occasion where they had to practically wrestle a bottle out of his hands was not fun.

Steve walked to the bathroom to retrieve a glass of water for Tony, he forced Tony to drink most of it while Tony complained and tried to push it away. He then filled it up again and placed it on the bedside table for when Tony woke up. He walked around the bed and lay down on the other side. Watching Tony. He knew he could probably leave now that Tony had relaxed a bit but something in him told him to stay. So stay he did. He settled down beside Tony and listened to his breathing deepening, a sign he was finally getting some sleep.

Meanwhile Peter searched the workshop for what he wanted. He pushed past the various inventions littering the floor and shifted paper and old coffee mugs to look beneath them. Finally he came across what he was looking for, his web shooters. Tony had borrowed them a while ago out of interest and had yet to give them back as Peter hadn't needed them. Now he did. So Peter put them on, and wearing his old joggers, a graphic Tee, and a zip up hoodie he made the decision that he might as well just go out the window in the workshop.

Peter landed in an alley behind a 24 hours pharmacy that he had spotted. Cursing himself as he realised he hadn't brought any money with him, but it was too late. Peter entered the store anyway and went to the back corner where the over-the-counter drugs were kept. He looked over his shoulder before hastily grabbing four packets of a mixture paracetamol and ibuprofen before shoving them in his pockets. He watched the store clerk who was flicking through a magazine and his chest tightened. Stealing, what a hero move. Quickly he left the store trying to avoid eye contact or suspicion but on the way out the clerk smiled at him. Peter felt disgusted by himself so he had to remind himself that this was all a sucky means to a better end. Right? Peter went back into the alley before using his webs to swing his way back to his room in the avengers tower which stood towering over everything else around it.

Peter poured himself some water then sat on the cold floor of his bathroom. He unpackaged all the painkillers he bought and just looked at them. His head was pounding and he shut his eyes tight for only a moment. He then grabbed fistfuls of the paracetamol and ibuprofen and shoved them down his throat. After each handful of pills he gulped down some water but that didn't stop his gagging. The chalky taste in his mouth wasn't pleasant and he began to reconsider his method of death. However there wasn't much sense in stopping now, he was already halfway through his pills. So he kept going and kept going. They only became harder to swallow as his body seemed to understand what he was doing and fought back. In the end Peter won as he sat trying to force himself to stop gagging. Now that he was done, Peter felt calm wash over him. He had done what he had set out to do, and now all that was left was waiting for the inevitable. Peter stood up and went to his bed. He got under his covers and fell into sleep faster than he had in a long time, knowing that this time he wouldn't have to wake up.

Published: 26.06.2019