Double 0 Idiot

Chapter 1- Gordon Ramsay on steroids

I was 16 when I fell off the top deck of the double decker bus, I know random as fuck! Literally I was minding my own business and got up to leave when this crazy ass drunk woman came running from the back of the bus and body slammed me into the large front window. We both went flying out the bus. Thank God it had stopped. The drunk woman died... I know, alcohol is a bitch. I thankfully landed on her plushy body but damaged my Hippocampus, basically the part of the brain that holds memories, by the falling glass. Yeah the whole experience was a bitch and a half. Went in to a medically induced coma for 3 weeks before I woke up to nothing but white, genuinely thought I died and went to heaven, then I saw my sisters face and thought "fuck, it's hell"; unfortunately, it was worse, I was still alive. 

After that day I somehow got the ability to retain information, and no I don't mean like photographic memory, although I do know every lyric of One Directions 'what makes you beautiful'- but that's probably because I listened to that damn song 70 times every day for a whole year when I was 11. No, I mean, when I watch someone do something, I will remember every action. I discovered this so- called 'ability' when I was watching late night TV and the cooking channel was the only good thing on, they were making Rigatoni. I fell asleep but the next day I was starving and I didn't know when or how but my body started moving and next thing I know I've made it, the exact same picture image of the pasta the TV lady made, right down to the tomato cut into a rose. 

To say it all went to my head is an understatement, I became Gordon Ramsay on steroids. I started making shit I didn't even know how to pronounce from countries I had no idea how to point out on the map. To say the least I have become a FREAKING genius, I am AMAZING, BRILLIANT fucking AWESOME. That was all short lived however when I broke my leg trying to do those flippy things gymnastic athletes do. Probably wasn't a good idea to stick a landing on the concrete ground. I swear I saw my life flash before my eyes. After that day I decided to stay low- key and just teach myself things that weren't so out there and could potentially kill me. If you don't count the time I got arrested on my 18th birthday. I'm 25 now, I know roaring 20's! Am I out there clubbing like kids my age? fuck no because the last time I got drunk off my tits I started dancing in the fountain in town, I thought I was bloody Arial. Long story short I was arrested and put on YouTube; I was viral for a week. Thank God no one recognised me, from the mascara running down my face and the red lipstick smeared everywhere, I looked closer to the clown from IT than just plain old Aiyla. So now I know to stay mostly at home and avoid being a piss poor example to society, you know because I have an image to uphold also my mum would kill me, literally, I do not want to repeat the incident of her having to pick me up from jail, it still gives me chills.

Now I mostly dabble in the art of HACKING; it's fun if done properly. And if that sounded like a warning it was, the black market is no joke. When I discovered this deep underground cult, I thought cool something new for me to explore. While adoring pictures of these cute puppies I get an anonymous message telling me to click on this website link, I thought what was the worst that could happen, that was stupid. The link sent me to a webpage with a single image, a webcam capture of me, literally from a minute ago, underneath it said, 'stop looking at my puppies, or the next thing to get stuffed is you!'. My first thought, wait 'stuffed', those puppies were dead? I felt like vomiting but I'm no pussy, instead I learnt how to protect my computer from future hackers, placed firewalls around my firewalls on all the laptops and computers around the house. I began hacking as a sort of therapy, I wanted to know how he got on to my webcam, so I learnt a few things here and there from a few people on the black market, I know where to look now so I don't encounter pedos, serial killers and sex traffickers- so please don't try this at home kids; seriously!

But if you think this is what I do every day, stalk random people, then no. I attend university, 3rd year psychology student bitcheeees! I have always been fascinated with the way people behave and why, I am also very nosy and like to get a general idea of people. My dream job is to work for the police as a criminal psychologist. Although it isn't the 'low-key' lifestyle I set myself upon, it is the best way I can make a difference. 

Annnnnd then there is my sister, unfortunately she was dropped on her head and not in the good way like me and it may or may not have been my fault... look I was 8. But she sure got mum's tenacity and spirit, something that must have skipped me. 

***

Why, why am I such an idiot? I lost my damn laptop at the shopping centre, I had my final assignment on there and if I don't submit it by Friday, Miss Sims is going to be up my ass, you know I swear she has it out for me. Just because she saw the doodle I made of her looking like an actual sim, I mean seriously is it my fault I have seen so many art tutorials that I can draw like Van Gogh. Anyways ever since then she has hated my guts, I yawn during her lecture and suddenly I'm disrupting the lesson, I mean COME ON!

Anyways I have a half- ass plan. I downloaded an app that allows you to track your devices on my phone. OK... I just realised I have things on my laptop I don't want people to see, like hard core... maybe illegal things, I mean I have passwords and protections in place but still I need to act fast. I'm about to head out when I spot my little sister also leaving...

"Excuse me slut- face where do you think you're going with my jacket?", believe me 'slut-face' is a nickname she earned. I mean it's much more suiting than Safiye, which ironically in Turkish means pure, when she is anything but. Our parents are Turkish so he gave us traditional Turkish names. Mine means beautiful, strong fighter and lovable; Aiyla. And can I just say nothing can be truer, especially the beauty part.

"Oh is this yours I? I found it in my wardrobe and assumed it was mine"- my sister the master of lies.

"So, you just assumed a jacket you have never worn, mum had never bought you and a jacket I have worn in front of you 30 times, was yours!?"

"Exactly, I knew you would understand, okay I'm off to Sara's, bye!"

"I'm actually going to fucking kill you, take it off right now or I'm telling mum about Jackson"- hehehe this bitch changes boyfriends more times than she changes her clothes and I looove using this information to blackmail her. You see our parents are quite traditional, no boyfriends allowed! And that's final. 

"You wouldn't..."

"Watch me... MUUUUUU-"

She launches herself at me and smacks her hand on my mouth, eww the smell of perfume is so strong I might pass out.

"OKAY... OKAY fine I'll give it back, but just so you know I fucking hate you"- she starts walking out the door when she turns and watches me as I throw the black leather jacket on. It really pulled together my look, with the black leather pants and with the white top, damn I could be a model.

"Where do you even get the money for your clothes, I swear you have branded clothes and you don't even work" – she regarded me with suspicion. She just really wanted to catch me doing something bad to hold it against me like I do with her, but honestly, I come off as such a goodie-too- shoes. Besides the fountain incident, I have never caused my parents grief, unlike this one. Although I am very good at lying and I do have a business on the side, a business that I cannot continue without my laptop. Speaking of which...

"Look can you just move, I have to be somewhere"- my foot starts shaking from becoming impatient and agitated, if she didn't move in 30 seconds, I was going to pull her extensions out and not the ones in her hair.

"No, not until you tell me how you're are making so much money"- her one perfectly trimmed and drawn raised eyebrow made me want to punch her, but then again, her face and anything she does makes me want to slap the bitch to Singapore.

"Okay here's a tenner, now fuck off!"

That was exactly what she wanted, with a cheeky one-sided smirk she opens the door and steps out, in her six inch heals and mini- skirt. I knew she wasn't going to Saras. 

"It was a pleasure doing business with you"- Ugh how much I want to slap that happy grin off her face.

"Yeah, yeah remember to come home by 10, don't give mum another reason to smack you upside down like yesterday- What do you even do so late- ", before I can even finish what I'm saying she's already skipping down the road. How she does that with heels that high is beyond my understanding.

"Tell mum I'll be home by 12"- Saf shouts from the bottom of the road before turning the corner and disappearing. I'm going to have to start putting a tracking device on her. I have already hacked her phone and found out about her boyfriend, but that was just for leverage, oh and for fun.