Chains Of Gravity

Mariá - Crying in the Club

My body feels stiff.. I don't know what happened last night...all I know is that for the past 2 years I forgot about him. It was mainly because my Mom was there to help me move on. She always cheers me up. I don't know what's happening... it feels like it was just yesterday. It gets worst now that my mom is so far away from me.
I can see him in my sleep. The impact is just unbearable...who would've known that the pain actually didn't leave me instead its just creeping inside me and is finding a perfect timing to finally come out to haunt me again... I can hear voices...his voice..in my head..
I gotta find something to distract me...

My work sort of help me in someways to distruct me from ever remembering him. For a week all I've been doing after work is go to the club. I try to pass the night with another guy...and so far it helped, I get less dreams about him.. mostly because I was too exhausted that my mind sort of shutdown...
I dont mind this new facade..it makes me feel empowered, l feel confident and loved. Even of its just a front.

Also even if it was just my body that they want... Im still happy, I can't say I'm not using them too because I am. 

The positive side...I met new friends along the way. I feel free... as if I am a different person.

I try to move a bit... as I turn to face him..he is still pass asleep he actually looked good and I was touched of how gentle he was to me last night. But he is way to old for me about 10 years older and based from last night I can say that he is british....
I softly smile thank you for distructing me last night... I murmured
I hadn't notice that I was again crying..
I wanted to question my life decision. Gosh its been years Maria! He's gone now!

Stop with your hallucination Maria! Last night what you saw It wasn't him!
He left remember! Why would he return? For what? For you?!

Last night

It was just like any other day. I dressed up..fixed myself...never in my life I've ever imagine that one day I'll do this...a tear fell of my face I quickly wiped it way...I don't know what's happening to me

I asked for a drink at the bartender... took a sip until I finished the whole glass as I feel burn I begin crying again. As time passed I can feel my head spins... I went straight to the dance floor and dance... I can feel guys run their hands all over me and I don't mind. If I am this attractive to this guys then why did he leave me..... I have questions.

I can feel the heat building up inside me...so many emotions.. This things its so foreign to me...it made make me feel stuff I've never felt before. I smirked as I keep dancing with tears in my eyes....

In the corner of my eye I saw a familiar face...
I smirked..I'm this drunk I guess... I focused my eyes at his direction trying to catch his attention, I gave him seductive stares but I never saw him look back.
I mentally laughed at myself...I guess I reached this level of insanity.... I laughed my tears away as I kept dancing till I drop.

I looked back again at his direction and he was gone....

I guess I was right....It was just in my head....

I got cut off my thoughts when I felt an arm wrap around my body. I looked to see who it was and I saw a tall blond and slightly built guy. I guess this will do for tonight...

The night went wild and the rest are only for your wildest imagination....

°°°

I brushed away my thoughts and slowly made my way back home... not minding to wake him up. This is how my life is nowadays... after a night into someone else place... i live without a word and prepare myself to work
As if nothing happened...