A Greater Good (girlxgirl)

Bathroom

I couldn't keep my eyes off her all night. First when she arrived late, then when she did shots at the bar with Steph, at the second destination, at the third bar when she was with Shirree and then when she kissed Clarissa. I felt jealousy rear up inside of me when I saw that and I saw her quickly look over at me after the kiss, she looked panicked and I quickly diverted my eye contact because I didn't want it to seem like I was interested or affected. 

When I was alone with her I had to look at her though, it would seem weird if I didn't, and I took in her appearance with pleasure. She was wearing pleated red pants, a black woollen jumper and a jacket that looked expensive, it probably was knowing her. It smelt nice as she passed it to me, and it felt like the old days when we'd walk home from a club drunk as anything and kiss under the streetlights. 

The fourth bar was the best one. It was dimly lit and the crowd was eccentric and young, most of the people were high and I was envious of them being off their faces. If it were just me and Jane there we'd have sort out the dealer in the crowd and done drugs in the bathroom. But that faze of my life was over, I now lived the life where James and I are health conscious, responsible young people who jog on Sunday mornings. 

I jumped up and down in the crowd beside a guy with long blonde hair and round sunglasses, he was defiantly on something but being with him was better than being with any friend that was there. He knew nothing about me, he wouldn't ask why I was nearly crying but also laughing, he wouldn't pick up on how strangely I was acting, he wouldn't tell me to stop drinking because I had defiantly had too much. The main reason I liked dancing with a stranger so much was because he wouldn't understand why I kept looking across at Jane and Clarissa on the other side of the dance floor. Clarissa had her hands around Jane's neck and was kissing her neck, it made me hate Clarissa and reach out to one of my friends and steal their drink. Jane turned around and scanned the crowd for me, I moved my eyes off her and looked in the opposite direction, putting on a smile and laughing.

The drinking was catching up with me and I felt the room begin to spin. The man with blonde hair was floating away from me and the lights were growing closer, I pushed out of the crowd and into the bathroom. I leant against the sink and took deep breathes as the bass seeped into the titled room and ricocheted off the walls. I looked up into the mirror and smiled at myself, my eye was on my chin. Shittttt, I was so drunk. The door opened and in walked the one person who I didn't want to be drunk around... Steph.

"Whatcha doing?" she asked and then giggled. She was drunk too. 

"Avoiding," I groaned and sunk to the ground.

"Why?"

I knocked my head against the wall. "Ouch! Fuck."

It didn't hurt but I started to cry because I was drunk and in some dirty bathroom with my too nice sister standing over me like some celestial being. At my tears, she crouched down in front of me and grabbed my hands tenderly. 

"What's wrong, Lyndie?" she asked soothingly.

"Nothing," I stammered through tears.

The reason I didn't want to be near Steph when I was blind drunk was because I always spilled everything to her. She was too nice to me about being a mess, when we were sober she tried to organise my life but as soon as we were drunk it was a free pass to be as distraught about everything and for it to be ok.

"Come on, you can tell me."

I looked up at her and shook my head. "Nothing's wrong, just drunk."

"But you've seemed so distant and... depressed."

"I haven't been, I'm just... tired."

Steph stood up and smiled down at me, she wasn't going to push me when she was nearly as drunk as me. "Ok, well we're going to the next place in half an hour."

"What?" I groaned. "Another?"

"Just one more, it's the best one." She smiled at me and left the bathroom so I was alone once more.

I laid down on the dirty floor, I didn't care about the germs and how unhygienic it was, I'd given up on the night. The room was spinning and so were my thoughts, I realised that I'd thought about Jane more than James in the last couple of months, I shouldn't be going into a marriage like that. Sue was right, I couldn't have both of them without destroying the family and really, I couldn't have either of them. I did a drunk pros and cons in my head in an attempt to stop thinking about vomiting. Pros for James: I love him, he's kind, he's good at cooking, he's not a dick, there's probably more, but I was wasted and I kept thinking about how cold the titles were on my back. Cons: he's messy, he doesn't really listen to me, I feel like he judges me silently, he's always watching sport on the tv! What's the go with that? Will we ever sit down after dinner and watch some renovation show? Pros for Jane: I love her. Fuck! What was I doing? No! No! No! I could not be thinking that! I couldn't let those thoughts into my head, why was I even making a pros and cons between them? I couldn't decide because I had already chosen James. 

I pulled myself up and stared at myself in the mirror again, I splashed cold water on my face and slapped my cheeks to wake myself up. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Hi."

I snapped my eyes open, Jane was standing in the corner of the room.

"Hi." I smiled at her and dried my hands on my dress.

"Classy," she smirked.

I shrugged. "What'd you expect from me?"

"Nothing less."

It was all small talk distracting her from what she'd really come in to say. She leant against the wall and smirked at me in a way that made me feel like I was the hottest person in the world, no wonder I liked being with her so much. 

"Bathrooms don't have a good record with us," I stated.

"They sure don't," she replied calmly.

"I'm so fucking drunk."

"I can tell."

"So I'm going to say this now because in the morning I can wake up and not remember a single word I said."

"Don't," Jane said firmly, looking sad all of a sudden.

I laughed. "You haven't even tried to get drunk! We made a deal!"

"I'm drunk enough," she said without humour, she didn't smile and I could tell she wasn't going to go back to her smirking personality now she was on edge from anticipation of what I'd say. "Don't tell me something I don't want to hear, Everlyn, I can't take it, not tonight."

I rolled my eyes. "Well... this is about me too! You're just going to have to suck it up."

"I hate it when you're drunk."

"Why? 'Cause you're not in charge?"

"No, because you won't be told otherwise about anything." She moved towards the door. "I'm going."

"Don't." I moved to her and grabbed her hand. "I think I love you."

She stared at me for a long time it seemed and my heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. 

"You don't," she said gently and shook my hand away. "You're just drunk."

I had had enough. She meant too much to me just to let her slip away and live in one part of my life where she kissed Clarissa and not me. I pulled her towards me and kissed her, I really meant it and I really wanted it. I grabbed her lips with mine and they fitted perfectly. She was so soft and smooth compared to James and her body was warm and small against mine, I felt her tongue run along my lip and I started to fiddle with her fly until she pushed me away and stared at me mortified. 

"You're drunk," she repeated and walked out of the bathroom.