A Greater Good (girlxgirl)

Driveway

The White's carpet was bland and old, I know this because I spent an hour staring at it thinking about where I'd gone wrong in life. Jane was long got, she had stormed out of the door the nearer I go to the truth. Behind me in the dining room, the rest of the family were talking in hushed tones, I could hear the occasional word about Everlyn just being anxious, I didn't correct them and tell them that deep down I knew she wasn't happy, I just let them believe what they wanted. 

I didn't if I should just stay there staring at the carpet waiting for Everlyn to come back to or if I should go home and clean out my wardrobe, sit at the table and stare down the hallway to wait for Everlyn there. I chose to stay, I wanted to know what was happening with my life and then I wanted everyone else to know so I didn't have to make any painful phone calls later.

I'd been a complete fool, I knew something was different with Everlyn, I knew she was unhappy, she had been distant and kind of cold. I should have pushed her to answer my questions, I should have listened to her more. But was I really supposed to be looking that hard at our relationship? Should I really have been delving into every aspect of what marriage would mean? Really, I should have been able to trust that if Everlyn wasn't happy with something she'd tell me, and I did trust that, but I'd been wrong to.

And then there was the drama with Jane! Jesus fucking christ! I didn't want to go down that path in my brain but after sitting on the couch staring at the tread marks on the carpet for half an hour, I couldn't help it. I took my mind back to the start of our relationship six years ago, I made myself think of all the times Everlyn and Jane were acting suspiciously, sneaking around and laughing behind closed doors, but I ignored it. I tried to calm myself down, I was winding myself up about something that may not even be true, I'd have to ask Everlyn. But wasn't Jane always the reason? She was the reason we got together, the reason we nearly broke up and now wouldn't she be the reason we'd be over for good? I couldn't calm myself down, I'd gone down a dangerous path and I'd fallen in all the traps along it, my heart rate was up and my cheeks hot, they were together again and even if Jane and Everlyn denied it to me, it had to be true. 

The anger had given me clarity, I was seeing through every one of Everlyn's lies and even though it was painful, it gave me relief, it was answering questions I'd had for six years. The blood rushed in my ears and the voices of Anne and Mark were drown out by it, I'd been played as a fucking fool. Everlyn and Jane were sneaking around and... and fucking! Just weeks before my wedding.

But Everlyn had told me no, and Jane had sworn on the grave of Muppins, it couldn't be true. Jane knew what lying on Muppins meant, she would have known that lying on that grave - even if just a figment of our childhood imagination - would break us up forever, sever the bond we had as siblings.

I was trying to rationalise my thoughts, adding a negative to every positive and a positive to every negative when Everlyn walked back in the house. There was a silence and everyone stared between us, I sprang to my feet and grabbed her by her arm, pushing Ricky out of the way to get outside in a hurry. 

"What the hell, James! Let me go," she hissed when we were outside.

I let her go and walked away, now that I was faced with her I didn't know what to say or ask. I turned around to her, my eyes were glistening with tears, the first sign of emotion I'd shown since she'd stood up at dinner. She was standing limply in the driveway looking small, like the world was falling in on her.

"What's happening?" I whispered, I was scared my voice would quiver and I'd break into tears if I talked any louder.

She folded her arms around herself and look at the sky above my shoulder, she shrugged.

"You can't shrug at me after saying that, Everlyn."

She looked at me, her own eyes were watering now, it made me furious that she was emotional when she was the one calling the shots.