Addicted To Love

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Waking up the next morning, I feel like shit. I sit up on the bed and think about things. I think about what I've been through. I think about the beatings, the drugs and the rapes. Just thinking about it makes me want to use. I look at the burner and contemplate calling Herm but I don't. I pick up the phone and call my old dealer. "Hey...can you meet me...in thirty?" I ask and he says yes. Forty-Five minutes later, I am sitting in my motel room with an eight ball in front of me. I look at the drugs and then my burner rings. Only one person has my number...well two now that I called my dealer. I answer the phone. "Herm." I say simply and he says "Where are you?" he asks concerned suddenly and I feel the tears start to fall. "Herm, I need you." I say and he says "I'm on my way. Are you at the room?" he asks. "Yeah." I say and he says "I'm on my way baby girl." before hanging up.

A few minutes later, there's a knock on the door. I look through the peephole and see Herm standing there. I open the door and he pulls me to him as he walks inside and closes the door. "Are you hurt?" he asks and I shake my head no. I pull away from him and move to the side so he can see what's on the bed. "Shayne?" he asks. "I'm sorry." I say as the tears start to fall again. He cups my face and asks "Did you use?" I shake my head and whisper "No." He lets out a sigh of relief and pulls me into him. "It's okay. You didn't use." he tells me. Pulling away just a little, he says "Baby girl, listen to me. You have to get rid of it." he tells me. "Herm..." I start but he cups my face again and looks into my eyes and says "Baby, you can do this. You have to make the decision. I can't do it for you." he tells me. I pull away from him. I walk over to the bed and pick up the eight ball. I head to the bathroom and Herm follows me. I look at the baggie and toss it in the toilet, flushing. I look at Herm and he smiles softly at me. I back away from the toilet and against the wall. I slide down to the floor and sob. Herm sits beside me and pulls me into his arms and lets me cry.

When I stop crying, I pull away but he doesn't let me go. "I'm so sorry Herm. I didn't mean to let you down." I say. Tilting my chin to look at him, he says "You didn't let me down and you didn't use. But you need a meeting." he tells me and I nod. We get up and head out to a meeting.

After listening to a couple of other people share, I am still in my chair in the back, looking down at my hands while Herm holds my hand. "Anyone else like to share?" the moderator asks. I raise my hand and stand to walk to the podium. "I'm Shayne and I'm an addict." I start and they all say "Hi Shayne." I start my share. "I almost used today. I called my old dealer and bought an eight ball and I almost used. My ex is stalking me. Won't leave me alone. I've been hiding from him. I was thinking about all of the beatings and the rapes and just everything and I couldn't handle it. I wanted to use. Still want to. But, just when I needed it, my sponsor called me to check on me. He could tell something was wrong and came to talk me down. If it weren't for him, I would have used. I wouldn't have had the strength not to. I want to be sober. I want to stay sober. Thank you." I say and step down from the podium. I walk over to my seat and as soon as I sit down, Herm grabs my hand. Leaning over, he says "You did good baby girl." I just nod.

After the meeting, we go for coffee like we always do. Sitting in the booth, Herm looks at me and asks "Are you okay?" I shake my head. "I don't think I'll ever really be okay." I tell him as a tear falls. He reaches over and takes my hand and says "No matter what, I will always be here. You hear me?" he asks and I just nod. I look up at him and don't see pity but see concern.

We walk out of the diner and he walks me to my car and I hear my name. "Shayne." I freeze and Herm stops beside me. "There you are Shayne. I've been looking all over for you." he says like I should be happy to see him. "Can I help you dude?" Herm says as he pulls me behind him. "You can let go of my girl for starters." Kris says. Herm turns his head slightly and asks "This him?" I nod and whisper "Yes." Kris is standing there with his two friends, Jamie and Mark. "She ain't your girl so I suggest you walk away." Herm says. "Well it's three on one so what are you going to do?" Kris asks. Herm hands me his burner and says "Speed dial two. Tell them where we are and to get here." he tells me.

I open the phone and hit speed dial two like he says and a voice comes on. "Koz, where are you?" the vioce says. "This is Shayne. We're at the diner, Crossroads. Herm said you need to get here." I say. "On our way." the voice said and they end the call. "Shayne, come here." Kris says and I hold on to Herm's hand tighter. "I said come the fuck here, Shayne." Kris says again. "She ain't yours dude. She ain't going nowhere with you." Herm says. "Herm..." I start. "No." he tells me as he puts his arm around me and pulls me into his side. "Who the fuck are you?" Kris asks. "Her Old Man." Herm says and I stiffen more. "Old Man? Yeah right. You really want her prude ass? Hell, had to drug her to have any fun." Kris says and all of a sudden we hear bikes pulling up. I start to panic and Herm says "It's okay. Trust me?" he asks and I nod my head.

Two guys get off of their bikes and walk over. "There a problem here?" One man asks. "Nothing that concerns you. Just trying to get my girl." Kris says. "Told you she ain't your girl." Herm says, pissed off. "Herm..." I start and he looks back at me, barely. "Just let me go. It will he be easier this way." I tell him. "That what you want?" he asks. "Doesn't matter what I want." I tell him as I move away from him. "See, she wants to come to me." Kris says. "Shayne." Herm starts. I turn to him and he says "You're not going." He pulls me to him and kisses the top of my head and says "You're with me." I nod and one of the other guys says "You heard them. She ain't going nowhere." Kris looks pissed and says "I'll find you again Shayne and when I do, you're mine." before him and his friends walk away.

Herm turns to me and sees me hyperventilating. Cupping my face he says "Look at me baby girl. Breathe with me. I got you baby." he says over and over until I start to calm down. I just nod my head as he pulls me closer and just holds me.