It's Not Gonna Fade

Chapter 23

Marie's position

             I met Dr. Shepard once again, and today I start chemo. I was not excited. Ness was going to be with me, so I wasn't necessarily scared of being alone. It was more of how I would feel once it kicked in. I hated being sick as a kid, and now I was going to be sick all the time now. We were starting IO2 tomorrow. That is a harsh type of radiation that has proven to shrink mets, and tumors. It was going to make me even more sick. I honestly am sad because I can't do Heathers. I had just gotten the part of Heather Chandler and now I have cancer. I pulled up my songs and practiced them anyway. Maybe I could get cleared for a couple shows.

          A chemo nurse put the medicine in my IV and Ness and I ran lines for the whole two hours. I was humming candy store on my way back to my room. They moved me to a cancer suit because of how harsh my treatment was.  Phil told me to rest but I didn't listen. I kept rehearsing my lines. It wasn't until a huge way of nausea hit me. "Pan!" I shout. Ness gives me a bed pan and I vomit up my entire breakfast. *Cough**Cough* "Ugh, I shout probably stop." I say right before I vomit again. Ness puts a chair in the bathroom and then comes back to help me out of bed. I sit in the chair and vomit once again. Ness just held my hair and rubbed my back. A nurse came in, and took the pan. He also gave me some meds to make me stop vomiting. It didn't really help. 

         I struggled to get back to bed. I tried to fall asleep but I honestly was scared I would have to vomit again. Ness hooked my phone up to a speaker and played my music. It calmed my stomach because I was focused on the lyrics. I was absolutely miserable. I wondered why God was doing this to me, but honestly he wasn't. He was either pulling me back to his path or doing it something else with this. I just hope I dang well survive. 

        I woke up the next day with hardly any nausea. THANK GOD! I was so tired of vomiting, I honestly would love ANYTHING ELSE! Vanessa wheeled me to the radiation room in a wheel chair. I was so week from not getting any nutrients because of the vomiting. The laided me on a table and let the machine do it's work. I honestly didn't feel any pain. But I knew I was gonna feel it later. This was to shrink the spinal tumor. And the Chemo was for the brain tumor. It took a good two hours but then I was done for the week. Radiation take a huge toll on the body so they limit it to one two hour secession a week. And chemo everyday. 

        I was back in my room and I just relaxed before the vomiting started again. I watched Grey's Anatomy, NCIS, and even found some episodes of Frasier to watch. I slowly drifted to sleep, as exhaustion consumed me.