How To Live

Chapter Three

I watch my dads every move as he shakes Wesley's hand on the graduation stage and congratulates him with his classic 'Mayoral' smile.

It is totally fake and I can't help but roll my eyes.

The rest of the ceremony seems to go by in slow motion as I sit, my knees jiggling in anticipation, waiting to talk to Wesley.

As soon as the ceremony ends I race down the bleacher stairs and across the gymnasium floor like a crazy woman on a mission to make sure I get outside to Wesley's truck before he can avoid me and take off.

People look at me like I should be in a nut house as I push through the crowd without so much as an excuse me.

It must be a shock to them, seeing the Mayor's perfect daughter Ashton Stanton rudely barge through a room full of her Fathers supporters without so much as a smile or greeting, but I just don't care anymore. What is the point in pretending to like people that you don't even know? Or even people you do know but don't even like for that matter.

Tommy's funeral was an example of just how much people actually care. None of his friends except for Wesley even showed up, so what is the point in trying so hard to maintain a fake appearance when no one really cares when it matters the most?

"Ashton, sweetie, how nice to see you!" I cringe as I bump into pastor Frank and his wife Josie.

Their daughter Cheryl was in the ceremony today, and Josie looks at me with sympathetic eyes and pulls me in for a giant hug before I can escape.

"Hi." I squeak as she crushes me to her chest.

"How are you doing darling?" She asks me, her southern twang like nails on a chalkboard. Usually I would have all the time in the world for the pastor and his wife, but right now they are interrupting my plan.

I need an escape route, and I need one fast.

"Good thankyou, but I'm meeting someone I have to go!" I say as politely as possible and attempt to drag myself away but the pastor Frank is not done with me yet.

"Now how come I haven't seen you in church lately? You know you can come and talk to me about anything? God can help you with your grief." He babbles and I strain my neck trying to catch a glimpse of Wesley's dark hair above the crowd, but I can't find him.

"Yeah, okay I'll pop by soon I promise!" I say with fake cheerfulness as I inch my way away from them.

"Be sure you do! And tell your mother to come too!" Pastor Frank calls as I gun it for the exit.

I am so very close when another hand reaches out and grabs my arm.

"Jesus, what do you want?" I exclaim and I turn to stare into the face of my Father, who is looking at me in total dismay.

"That is no way to speak to anyone Ashton, what has gotten into you?" He scolds me, glancing around to make sure no one is watching us.

"Sorry Daddy," I apologise and look up at him with wide eyes. "It's just so crowded in here, and it brings back memories of Tommy. I really need some space." I lie and he buys it easily, nodding his head and averting his gaze from mine uncomfortably.

"I understand sweetie. You head on outside and I'll grab you when I've finished here okay?"

I nod and turn, forcing myself to exit the gym at a reasonable walking pace knowing he is watching me as I leave. It suddenly occurs to me that the short conversation we just had is in fact the longest one my Dad and I have had since Tommy died. I realise sadly, that conversations with my Dad are not something that I have missed.