The Blood that Binds

The Temple of Sacred Ashes

They spent three more days in Denerim, taking care of some other problems for her companions that involved confronting a very conniving Marjolaine. Solona was not impressed with the words that she said about Leliana. She tried to convince Solona that Leliana would eventually betray her, but Solona thought she knew Leliana well enough to have become friends with her. She wasn't fooled. Leliana became oddly quiet for a few days, her usual humming and happy demeanor buried under a thoughtful expression. On the morning that they were fixing to set out, Solona finally approached Leliana. "Oh, hello," Leliana said sweetly. "Is there something you wanted to talk about?"

Solona chuckled softly. "No, but it looks like you wanted to talk about something."

"It's... It's nothing. I'm fine. I'm just thinking," she said with a sigh.

Solona stopped Leliana's busily packing hands with her own, drawing the woman's baby blue eyes up to her. "You're less talkative than usual."

Her shoulders slumped. "I can't get what happened out of my head. I've been in Lothering for years and she still thought I was plotting against her. She didn't trust me. Maybe she never did. She loved me when she could use me and control me. And now that she can't, she wants me dead. It...hurts to realize that I never really knew her."

Solona cocked her head and offered a small smile. "Perhaps you did, but you really didn't want to."

"I knew she was ruthless, but I didn't know how far she could go." Leliana pulled her hands back and balled them in fists in her lap. "She is self serving! Cruel! She uses people, then discards them, but that's how she survives in the life she leads. Wha... What if she's right?" Leliana gasped. "What if we're the same?! I... I should just have stayed in the Chantry."

"But, you said that the Maker wanted you to leave... to help me..." Solona reminded her.

"I could have been wrong about the Maker... I... I know you doubt me sometimes..." Solona cringed, but Leliana pushed forward. "Maybe you're right! Maybe... maybe I just tell myself He's there to console myself.. to know there's someone watching out for me.... to know I'm not alone!"

"You're not alone, Leliana," Solona offered her hands again, prying Leliana's fists open and gripping her tightly.

"But I was! I was alone and desperate when I fled to Ferelden. I went to the only place that I knew would take me. I forgot my life as a bard while I was in the cloister. I felt safe. I didn't have to watch my back all of the time. That's what made Marjolaine the person she is... Don't you see? It ruined her! It will ruin me too... Even now, I feel some regret over not ending her life in order to protect my own."

"Not that I relish it, but that could be rectified later if she comes back..." Solona said softly.

"I know, and I've thought about pursuing her and... and I... I take great delight in these thoughts. What we're doing... What we've done. Hunted men down, killed them... part of me loves it. It invigorates me and this scares me. I... I feel myself slipping..."

"Marjolaine chose who she became. So can you," Solona assured her.

"How can you be so sure?" Leliana asked.

Solona chuckled. "Evil doesn't worry about not being good."

"You really think so?" Leliana smiled. "Hearing you say that gives me comfort... I would like to be alone for now. I have many things to consider. Thank you for listening to me."

Solona nodded and patted the young bard's hands before getting to her feet and finishing her own packing. When she was done, she pulled out her map to plot their course. They needed to get back to the docks near the Circle tower at Lake Calenhad. According to Genetivi's notes, that was where he had been heading. The man who had visited their camp, Levi Dryden, had marked a point just north of Denerim as the entrance to the labyrinth of caves that led to Soldier's Peak. She frowned and took the map to Alistair. "Hey, can I pick your brain for a moment?"