Conceal

21. Date

Those lines of texts didn't explain anything at all. Kihyun tried calling Jongho immediately after reading the messages, but he was directed straight to voicemail. He felt clueless and confused as to what he should do next.

I did something I would never forgive myself for doing.

Kihyun read that line again and again, and it yielded the same result every single time. No matter how many times he went over the sentence, he couldn't shake the feeling that this had something to do with that day. That day when he found out the thirty messages he never sent to Jongho - the messages that supposedly asked Jongho to call the police.

There were only so many things that Jongho could do that made him feel so guilty he needed to leave Kihyun behind.

Kihyun went back to the messages that had magically appeared. He was starting to think that maybe he didn't type them after all.

Almost instinctively, he clicked into the phone keypad and typed in Jooheon's number. It wasn't until he typed in the last digit that he registered what he was doing. Or rather, what he wasn't doing. He wasn't thinking logically. Even if he had pressed the call button, speculations were all he would be telling Jooheon.

Besides, Kihyun didn't even have enough answers yet. What could Jooheon even do if Kihyun had told him? Is this situation even something worth worrying about? And there was something much more important: So what if Jongho tampered with Kihyun's phone and added those texts? Was it that important? Didn't Jongho help Kihyun by calling the police at the end?

These questions stayed with Kihyun the rest of the day, causing his mind to buzz perpetually. He was on auto-pilot the whole afternoon, letting his body do all the work while he occupied himself with the mysteries of everything that happened in his life so far. One question led to another, and soon random things were popping up in his mind, giving him intermittent headaches that were even more frustrating than normal ones.

It was a relief when the clock finally struck 6, marking the end of his work day. However, there was still a long way to go before the end of the day. And when Kihyun stepped out of the bakery and saw the setting sun disappearing behind a cluster of tall buildings, an unexpected body of cold air breezed through him, making him shudder. He was reminded yet again of what he saw last night, under the apartment building Wonho was in.

Out of all the headaches he had during the last few hours, this one was the worst. Kihyun had no idea what he was going to say to Shownu, or how he was supposed to behave in front of the other. There was a furious debate going over in his mind. A part of him wanted to ask Shownu directly why he was in Wonho's apartment last night, but the other half was too afraid of the possible answer he was going to get.

Soon, his home was only a few blocks away. The debate was still raging on. Kihyun felt like a dog running in circles, trying desperately to catch its tail. He reasoned with both sides of the debate, but his train of thought kept returning to the starting point. It was impossible to make a conclusion. The most infuriating thing was that Kihyun knew he was just over complicating something with a simple and straightforward solution. He was making things harder than necessary, and that was what caused his headache. It was getting so unbearable he was almost to the point of crying.

And even then he was struggling to make the easy decision. Crying would definitely lessen the burden somewhat, but he refused to let the tears fall because he felt stupid and childish.

Kihyun wasn't in his best mental state, which was why he felt immensely grateful when Shownu decided to bring him out on a date.

It was a pleasant surprise. Shownu was nicely dressed up by the time Kihyun returned home, and he was given the warmest bear hug the moment he opened the door. It was almost as if Shownu read Kihyun's mind and prepared this dinner date to cheer up his boyfriend. Kihyun wasn't sure if that was a good thing - he didn't want Shownu to worry about what was constantly going on in his mind; Shownu had already done more than enough for him.

"Let me go get changed." Kihyun smiled, putting down his bag and keys.

"No, you look good. Let's go now." Shownu placed a hand on Kihyun's shoulder to turn him back towards the door.

Kihyun held Shownu's wrist and chuckled. "What? I look good, covered with flour, smelling like bread, and looking like I had a food fight with a bunch of kids?"

Shownu laughed. Regardless of the troubling situation he was in, Shownu's voice was still the most beautiful thing Kihyun had ever heard. "Ok, go get changed."

Kihyun emerged from his room 10 minutes later, wearing the most expensive piece of clothing he owned, which was also reserved for special occasions like this one.

The couple kissed before leaving the apartment. During the trip to the restaurant, Kihyun started to pretend that everything was normal again.

But the feeling of normalcy didn't last for long. In the restaurant, Kihyun finally realised how hard it was to act like he was fine even though he clearly wasn't. The fact that he was sat opposite of Shownu didn't help at all. Instead, it made things ten times harder.

They weren't even halfway through the date when Kihyun started chewing less and swallowing faster, hoping to speed things up without looking too rude in the fancy environment. He tried to look hungry and impressed by the scrumptious meal, even though everything tasted bland on his tongue and he could barely register what he was putting into his mouth before hurrying to eat them.

All this time Shownu was staring at Kihyun intently as if he was watching a hamster eat on an animal documentary, hardly touching the food on his plate. Shownu had a permanent smile etched onto his face, and whenever Kihyun looked up from his plate he tried to return the smile, but slowly he raised his head less and less, because smiling was like saying he was content with everything when the truth was the exact opposite, and Kihyun just couldn't bring himself to lie.

Suddenly Shownu's phone - which was laying face up on the table - started pinging non-stop from a stream of notifications.

Kihyun tried to see who it was but as soon as Shownu read what was on the screen he picked up the phone, frowned, and flipped it over.

"You can reply, if it's urgent." Kihyun said, wiping his mouth.

Shownu nodded almost imperceptibly before picking up his phone again hastily. This wasn't what Kihyun expected - Shownu was usually the person who avoided interruptions during their dates - so it must had been an emergency.

Kihyun watched as his boyfriend typed rapidly on his phone, his fingers moving like two balls bouncing erratically on an uneven surface. The replies came quickly, causing the conversation to extend. Kihyun tried not to be annoyed and instead focused on the tic tic sound of each key being pressed, which, when repeated in high frequency, caused one to feel involuntarily anxious.

Shownu looked relieved when he finally placed down his phone and muted it.

"Who was it?" Kihyun asked.

"What?" Shownu said, sounding as if Kihyun's question scared him. "Oh. It's just someone from work."

Kihyun sighed and took a sip of water. "Come on, hyung. At least make up a better lie so I wouldn't feel stupid for pretending to believe you." He used a playful tone, hoping it would elevate the tension so clearly written all over Shownu's face.

Thankfully, it worked. Shownu let out an embarrassed chuckle and said, "It's actually a friend."

Kihyun waited for the other to elaborate, but Shownu was done talking. "Do I know him?"

"No, he was my classmate back when I was in high school ." Shownu replied, a little too quickly.

"Ah, I see." Kihyun said automatically. "Are you sure you don't need any help? It looked really urgent."

"No, it's ok. He was just exaggerating." Shownu replied, again keeping it vague. "Let me finish this quickly so we can have our dessert." Shownu returned to his meal, and they broke eye contact.

Kihyun didn't like the sudden change of topic, but he didn't say anything. He could see that Shownu was uncomfortable, and he was sure he would feel the same if the conversation went any further.

Besides, Kihyun wouldn't feel stupid for believing Shownu this time. He kept so many things from Shownu since he found the pack of drugs in his bag, it was only fair he let Shownu keep a few secrets of his own. And the more he think about it, the more he think that not all secrets were worth knowing about.

It was better not knowing than knowing, and refusing to accept.