Conceal

28. Letter

17:06 21st Nov

Jooheon crouched next to the river, his sweaty hand clutching the letter tightly.

In front of him was a small shrine for Minhyuk, made by his family members and close friends. It was a pleasant surprise for Jooheon to see a photo of his friend in a beautiful gold frame, surrounded by dozen of small bouquets. They were a variety of flowers, all wrapped in different coloured bows and papers, though all of them held the same strong, loving message to one who left them, wishing him a happy life.

The various fragrance emitted by the flowers created an entirely new — yet sweet — scent around the shrine. "Is this how it smells like in heaven?" Jooheon whispered, a tiny smile on his face.

He wanted to pay his respects, but it was impossible to look at the familiar face without tearing his heart apart.

The flowing river lapped against the banks, which quickly faded into nothingness amidst the busy city life. But to Jooheon, someone who had a broken heart and lost all positive perspectives to the world, they sounded like tall waves ready to engulf him and the shrine whole.

Jooheon squeezed his eyes shut, but it was futile to stop the tears from flowing out.

The emotions he'd been locking up inside finally got their release, mixing together and escaping in streams of water down his already wet cheeks. There were so many feelings, too many to pinpoint exactly the one that made him cry. Was it guilt? Sorrow? Pain? Dread? Or was it simply built up stress that needed a release? He would never know.

All he knew was that everything was ending soon, despite the practically inexistent chance of it being a happy one. He came to realise, during the past few days, that many things were inexorable, and this was simply one of them. Usually, if one knew something bad was going to happen eventually, they would end it as quickly as possible.

But in Jooheon's case, it wouldn't change anything. Yes, he knew something was going to happen very soon — precisely, tomorrow — but it would still happen even if he tried to end it. He had thought through this for a few days straight, but even then the answer was obscure. He had no idea whether he did the right thing or not.

Because you see, there were always two ways to do your "best". You could try your best to be bad and ruin everything, or do everything in your ability to be the good person.

A few hours ago when Jooheon wrote the letter that was now in his hands, he realised that he did neither.

He was trying his best to be in the middle of the spectrum.

So maybe they were tears of confusion after all.

The street light above him flickered on, awaking him from his trance. Using his free hand he sloppily wiped off the tears and took out a lighter. Holding one corner of the letter, he carefully burnt the paper until it was nothing but a pile of ashes in the small red container next to the picture frame.

"I hope you read this up there, Minhyuk."

Then Jooheon stood up and started walking away. But he only took two steps before turning back. He stared at the shrine one last time and mouthed "goodbye". I hope I get to see you again soon.

—

Hi Minhyuk,

How are you doing? I bet it's amazing in heaven. You're probably living inside the dream house you'd always imagine you're in when you were still with us, driving the most expensive car (wait, do you even need to drive in heaven?), eating the best food that can possibly be made...