Thirteen

Chapter Ten: Trim

Chapter Ten:

Today I saw a couple. I had been sitting on a park bench. It was grey today. It looked like rain, but it refused to rain. 

I watched as they snuggled together on another park bench. He had his arm around her like she was a china doll, like she would crack if he applied any pressure. She was small and brunette and happy. The tip of her nose was red from the chilly late October wind. He was average size and brunette as well. 

He looked deliriously happy, like he was so lucky, like he didn't understand how a guy like him could have attracted a girl like her. 

They looked fresh out of university, a young couple, happy to be together. As she leaned into him, resting her small shoulders against his chest, he seemed to realise that she was stronger than he thought, and his arm tightened around her, not wanting to let her go. Her hands, which had been light as feathers on the wool of his pea coat, now gripped onto it. 

Arms encircled arms. 

And unending circle of happy in-the-moment. 

In that moment, they were in love. They were happy. They were lucky. 

It made my heart lift for the first time in what felt like forever. I suddenly longed for a love story like that. A love story that could be a film if some onlooker pulled out a camera and pointed it towards me. I wanted something. Something besides death. 

It was an odd sensation. I tried to rid myself of that feeling, but I simply couldn't. 

I sat there, watching the happiness and the love, the way that they treated each other with such kindness, like they were the only thing that mattered in the world. It was beautiful to see. 

I walked home after they left the park. I walked home alone as they walked home together. 

I walked home alone and tried to wrap my head around this feeling...this feeling of needing something out of life. 

I used to need something out of death. But now I saw what life had to offer. And I wanted it.