Kyman soulmate au oneshots

#1: bruises and cuts

Kyle sat on his bed reading fan-fiction.
He felt a small pain on his leg so he looked down.

A small, brown bruise had appeared on his shin.

"What the fuck, soulmate?!" He exclaimed. "Why are you always getting hurt???"

He was disappointed in himself for yelling at someone who was probably on the other side of the world and that he knew nothing about.

Stan and Kenny know their soulmates, Wendy and Butters.

It was hard to picture someone like Kenny with someone like Butters, but he was glad his friend was happy.

No one knew who Kyle or Cartman's soulmate is, but apparently, Cartman's was super careful and never got hurt.

"Which is super fucking unfair! Why does he get the responsible soulmate?" Kyle sighed and went back to reading.

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So yeah, time skip because I'm lazy.
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Kyle sat on the bathroom floor, at school, bandaging up a horrible wound that had randomly appeared on his leg.

Stan sat next to him on the floor trying to comfort him.

"WHY IS MY ASSHOLE SOULMATE LIKE THIS???" Kyle screamed.

"Hey man, I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you, or herself." Stan reassured him.

"Stan, honey... my soulmate isn't a girl."

"What do you mean dude? Girls can get hurt too."

Stan you fucking dumbass... Kyle thought. I'm not ready to come out of the closet, slow your damn roll.

"So... does Wendy mind getting bruises from you getting tackled in football?"
Stan suddenly looked sad.

"I'm not her soulmate." He replied.

"What? Yes you are! Remember, she cut her hand to see if you were her soulmate and it appeared on you?"

"Well yeah, she's my soulmate, but Token is her soulmate." Stan said sadly.

"HOW THE FUCK IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE???!!? ILL KILL THEM!" Kyle yelled.

"That's the spirit, Jew boy." Cartman came limping into the bathroom, a deep gash on the side of his leg.

"C-Cartman? What happened?" Kyle asked looking at the trail of blood he left behind.

"Oh that? I got hit by a bike."

"It's in the same place... that my..."
Cartman and Kyle looked at each other in shock.

Kyle pulled out a knife, ignored Stan's confused look, and cut a small line on his arm.

"Ah! Son of a Bitch!" Cartman exclaimed when the same mark appeared on his skin.

Kyle slowly stood up and looked at Cartman's arm.

"Are... you my soulmate?"
That's a stupid question, Kyle. Of course he's not! But no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't believe his own inner thoughts.

"Are you the asshole who fell down like 7 stairs last week? For gods sake, Jew, railings were made for a reason!"

"YOU GOT HIT BY A BICYCLE! AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?" Kyle asked, revealing the bruise from yesterday.

"Oh that? I ran into a door. YOU WOULD KNOW THE FEELING!!!"

"I RAN INTO A DOOR, ONCE."

"AND BROKE MY NOSE!"

Kyle and Cartman looked right at each other.

They couldn't help laughing, they weren't really friends and never actually hung out, but they knew a little about each other.

"How can you be my soulmate I don't even like you."
Kyle honey, that's a lie and you know it.

"Well... let's see... if you like this, you're my soulmate." Cartman said, he grabbed Kyle's shoulders and pressed his lips against the smaller boy's.
Kyle was surprised, but melted into his first kiss happily.

Stan just kind of stood there and watched this happen.
Should I feel happy for Kyle? Sad? Angry? This Douchebag called him 'jew' 3 times and Kyle didn't even try to punch him. Does that mean Kyle loves this guy?

Stan looked up from the ground.
The two had pulled away from each other and were looking into each other's eyes.

There was obviously anger, but also... maybe love.

"I'm gonna go run my head into a poll." Kyle stated.

"Well then I'm gonna go break my arm."

"WELL THEN IM GONNA JUMP OFF A ROOF."

"Jew wouldn't dare." Cartman said in such a serious way, Kyle couldn't help but laugh.
Holy fuck, I think this Nazi obsessed bastard may actually be my soulmate.

"WHAT IS HAPPENING!?" Stan randomly yelled.

"I...found my soulmate." Kyle replied, looking right into Stan's eyes.

"Um okay, but Kyle... HES A DUDE."

"I know." Kyle replied. He whipped around and kissed The Fatass again.

"Heh, okay I guess." Stan said casually, even though he was more confused than ever.

He walked out of the bathroom and left Kyle and Cartman alone.