Kyman soulmate au oneshots

#2: body swap

The four boys, Stan, Kenny, Kyle, And Eric (Cartman) were all super excited, there was only a few minutes left before New Years, when they would posses the body of their soulmate.

"I bet mine has a really hot body." Stan raved.

"Why? So you can be a hot girl for a day?" Kyle asked, he was writing a note to his soulmate.

Dear soulmate,
This may be confusing, but it's okay.
My name is Kyle Broflovski, you are now in South Park Colorado, in my best friend Stan's house. Have no fear, soon I'll make it back to you so we can be together. (God I hope you speak English).
Ps.
I'm diabetic so... don't eat sugar. Hope you enjoy my body.
            Love,
                     Your soulmate

He read inside his mind. He folded the paper and put it in his pocket.

"I hope mine likes it rough!"  Kenny said, licking his lips.

"I hope mines got a nice ass." Cartman chimed in.

Everyone knew that Cartman is gay, but nobody knew Kyle is.
Well, actually, Kyle is bisexual, but prefers boys. He wasn't sure if his soulmate would be a boy or a girl, all he knows is that once he meets his soulmate his stupid crush on Eric will go away.

And he couldn't wait for that shit to be over.

"You guys, you guys, you guys!" Kenny yelled. "The countdown is starting!"

"10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... HAPPY NEW YEAR!" they all yelled at the same time.

Suddenly, Kenny was in Japan in some ftm transgender guys body.

Stan was across town in Wendy's body. "Aww yeah!" He cheered.

Kyle opened his eyes. He was laying on the floor.

"But I'm still in Stan's house!" He complained, sitting up. "I must not have a soulmate."

Then he looked down.

His stomach was so wide and extended, he couldn't see his feet! He was wearing different clothes and tasted... powdered sugar?

"Ow! Son of a Bitch!" He looked over and saw his own body sitting up.
They looked each other dead in the eyes.

"Kahl, give me my body back." Cartman said slowly.

"HOLY SHIT!" Kyle exclaimed. He tried to jump up, but he couldn't. "WHY ARE YOU SO FAT?!"

"IM NOT FAT, IM BIG BONED YOU GODDAMNED JEW!"

Cartman tried to sit up, but Kyle had a small, lightweight body and he ended up crashing into Stan's sofa.

"You're my soulmate?!" Kyle yelled.

"No. No. No, no, no, no, NO, NO, NO , NO, NO, NO NO NO!"

Kenny and Stan's bodies stood up.

Kenny was speaking Japanese, but Stan (Wendy) looked them both up and down.

"Oh, my god." She laughed.

"Don't mock us, Stanial!" Cartman growled.

"Wendy? Oh thank god! Tell me how to get out of this fatass' body!" Kyle begged.

"Kyle? Are you in there?" Wendy giggled.

"NO SHIT SHERLOCK!"

"Okay, Okay. Well, I'm pretty sure you just have to... I don't know."

"COME ON JEW! GIVE ME BACK MY BODY!" Cartman lounged at Kyle, but since he wasn't used to being so lightweight, he crashed behind his target.

"This is a disaster! I wanted this stupid crush to go away, but..." Kyle realized he was talking out loud when Wendy and Cartman were staring at him.

"真剣にみんな、私はどこですか、私は誰ですか?" Kenny's body asked. "待って、ここに誰かが日本語を話しますか?"
*seriously guys, where am I, who am I? *wait, does anyone here speak Japanese?

"Whoa, Kahl... you have a crush on me?" Cartman asked.

"Yes! And you're my goddamn soulmate!"

"So... wow. I thought I was alone!" Cartman beamed.

"Huh?"

"I like you, dumbass."

"R-really, Cartman?" Kyle asked, wiping away tears.

"Yeah, here." He reached out his hand. "With my body you have to use your legs more than anything."

Kyle stood up and stumbled for a second.

"This is beautiful." Wendy remarked, Kenny's soulmate was long gone.

"Fuck you, Wendy." They both said at the same time.

Cartman's body was just a little bit taller than Kyle's, so Cartman (in Kyle's body) wrapped his arms around the taller boy's neck.

Kyle put his hands on Cartman's waist (which was weird bc it was his body).

Cartman made the first move and pressed his lips against Kyle's. They closed their eyes, when they opened them, they were in their original bodies.

"Heh, go figure." Wendy smiled devilishly.

"You knew that was the cure the whole time, didn't you?" Kyle yelled.

"Maybe..."

"So Kahl, does this mean we're dating now?" Cartman asked, looking down at his soulmate.

"I guess so. Why, do you want to?"

"Yes!" Cartman smiled, then smashed his lips against Kyle's again.

Author's note:
Eh, ewwwwww! I'm sorry about this. I'll try to edit later.