Kyman soulmate au oneshots

#5: voices in your head

Cartman sat quietly in class, if it wasn't for his soulmate, he wouldn't be able to understand what was going on.

"Charles Darwin created the theory of evolution... the one that says our ancestors were amebas that developed into small tadpole like organisms, then kept developing until they became land creatures that kept going from there." The voice was explaining.

"God fuck, what the fuck." Cartman complained. "That makes no sense."

"You're talking out loud, jackass!" The voice growled.

Cartman sat up sharply and received angry glares from his classmates.

"Talking to your soulmate again, Eric?" Mr Garrison asked angrily. "Detention."

-
'Thanks for getting me in trouble asshole!' Cartman thought as he angrily wrote "I will not talk to my soulmate in class" 100 times.

His soulmate simply growled and continued singing. The song was Someone Like You by Adele.

Cartman sighed, he couldn't stay mad at his soulmate forever. The sweet, gentle voice wound around his every thought.

He knew loads about his soulmate. His name is Kyle Broflovski, he's Cartman's age, his favorite color is green, etc. however, whenever he would ask about where Kyle was from he would get quiet and not talk for a few hours.

"Never mind I'll find someone like you~ I wish nothing but the best for you two~" Kyle sang angelically.

"Kyle?" Cartman asked.

"You're speaking out loud again." Kyle warned.

"Do you really love me?"

"Eric! This is why you're in trouble in the first place, mkay?" Mr Mackey said, taking a look at his paper. "Pathetic."

So far Cartman has only written 23 lines in 20 minutes.

"Well it's not my goddamn fault!"

"It's your fault for being stupid mkay? Do it again!" Mr. Mackey slammed Cartman's paper down on his desk and walked away.

As soon as mr. Mackey left Kyle answered quietly, "yes, yes I do love you. It really is too bad that we can't be together."

"What do you mean?" Cartman thought, he can communicate with us soulmate like this, he just doesn't really like to.

"Well, Uh....." Kyle remained quiet for a long time, a few minutes until Cartman was done writing.

Cartman was almost glad about the silence so that he could concentrate on his work, but when his mom came to pick him up he started to get worried.

"Kahl?" Cartman asked, his mom cocked an eyebrow at him.

"What was that poopsykins?" She asked.

"Nothing mom, I'm not talking to you." Cartman growled.

"You should be nicer to your mom, you don't know what she sacrifices for you."

"Kahl!" Cartman exclaimed happily.

Then he proceeded to sprint the rest of the way home, ignoring his mom's commands to come back.

He struggled with the keys for a second, "it's the orange one ass-hat."

"Thank you Kahl." Cartman responded warmly.

As soon as he got into his house he dashed upstairs and threw himself onto his bed.

"What was all that for?" Kyle asked.

"I wanted to be alone with you."
Cartman replied calmly.

"But can't you just think-talk what you want to say to me?"

"I don't care, it's less fun." Kyle simply sighed, so Cartman continued. "So where do you live?" He asked.

"I Uh... lived in New Jersey." Kyle responded.

"Eww. Ya know what, Whatever, you don't sound like it." Cartman joked, then Kyle's words sunk in. "What do you mean 'lived'?"

"I... don't live there anymore..."

"Well then where do you live?"

"Why do you want to know?"

Cartman paused. "I've been thinking about this for a while." He admitted, "I want to go visit you."

"You can't!" Kyle exclaimed, His voice was sharp but hinted with a bit of....sadness.

"Kahl, what's wrong?" Cartman sat up and heard a slight whimpering in the back of his mind.

"You can't visit me," Kyle whispered "because I'm dead."

Cartman gasped and shot up. His friends Stan and Kenny's soulmates were still alive.

"What happened to you?" He asked quietly.

"Eric?"Mrs. Cartman called from outside his door.

"Fuck off mom, I'm busy!"

"Kidney failure." Kyle replied. "And please don't be so mean to your mom."

Cartman felt his heart lurch, the love of his life was dead.
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Kyle walked calmly down the hallway, pacing, stomping. Doing anything he could to clear his mind.

After he told Eric the truth- about him being dead- his soulmate had not responded to him.

He grew anxious with worry, there were a million things that could go wrong here! I mean, what if Eric tried to kill himself or something????

Since Kyle was Jewish, gay, and y'know just not quite what got would want he was sent to hell when he died at the age of 16...That was forty two years ago.

But he didn't mind being in hell, all the stories were wrong. It's not that bad, just very hot and gloomy.

He even got his own little apartment where he gets to stay and ignore everyone else, he was always told that he would be able to share this apartment with his soulmate...

Biting down on the last bit of his nails he tried once more to call out to his love. "ERIC!" He screamed.

No response.

"ERIC PLEASE, WE CAN WORK THINGS OUT! YOU'RE VERY FAT SO YOU DONT HAVE THAT LONG TO LIVE ANYWAY!!" Kyle posed, but still didn't hear a thing. "I LOVE YOU ERIC AND I WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE WITH YOU, BUT IF YOU KILL YOURSELF YOU'LL BE TURNED INTO A TREE AND TORTURED FOR ETERNITY!!!"

Then be heard it, a slight whimpering in the back of his mind.

"E-Eric.." he asked hesitantly, "are you there?"

Kahl?

"Eric! Oh thank god you're okay, I was so worried about you!" Kyle sunk down leaning against a wall and clutching a picture of Eric. Well, a drawing really. He had asked Eric what he looked like so that Kyle could get a basic idea and sketch it out.

K-kahl... I've done something terrible Kahl...

Kyle looked up towards the ceiling. "What's wrong my love?" He asked expecting that Eric had tried to commit suicide.

I... well... I killed someone... I killed my mom Kahl.

Kyle opened his eyes wide. "Y-you what... why did... how... YOUR MOM???"

Yes. I told her you were dead. And she said you deserved it for being gay, but no one insults my Kahl so... so I stabbed her fifty times in the stomach.

Kyle covered his mouth "i think I'm gonna throw up!"

But it's okay baby! Because now we can be together FOREVER.