Forget Her Not

12 | unsolved

Sheila latches a hand around my wrist and tugs me back away from him. Liam leaves his fingertips outstretched, still reaching out forwards but not quite grasping.

"Don't." Sheila warns.

She warns, but what power can she hold over Liam? Her voice is only a quiet whisper in my ear, her hand only the barest of touches holding me back, and Liam is extraordinary. A magnetic pull, his force even stronger now in this proximity, where just a word from him has the potential to burn me up into flame, where one look has me breathless, buried under an ocean of towering, blue waves.

Dangerous. Alluring like a charmed snake. Something that I should not even consider touching with a foot-long stick.

"Can we talk?"

Liam motions forward for me to come closer. There is something strangely desperate about his gaze that has my thoughts softening, wanting to comply.

There is a loud crash from upstairs. Muffled shrieking follows, and then high-pitched laughter. I am aware of Sheila hissing something into my ear, her hand on me tighter now. Shane swears lowly again. He takes a step up, moving to head back upstairs, but pauses, his head flicking down to Liam.

"Liam, come on." Shane says.

He grabs at Liam's jacket, but Liam bats his hand away.

"No. I want to talk to Arden."

Shane groans loudly and rakes a hand through his hair. There is another loud burst of sound from upstairs, sounding like the shattering of glass.

"Arden, can you?"

I suck an uncertain breath in, panicked. I vaguely note that the desperation in Shane's eyes is substantially different to Liam's.

"Yes." Liam answers for me.

He totters carefully down the last few steps of the stairs, and tries to take my hand from Sheila's. Sheila makes a noise similar to an angry cat.

"I want to talk, please." Liam says again, hopeful. "Alone."

There is a sincerity about him that has my guard lowering. The shaky walls that I had built between us, begin to crumble, weak to this side of Liam. To the vulnerability in this exposure, to the familiarity in this rarity. I had built them on the shores of a watery foundation anyways.

"Okay." I agree.

"Arden!" Sheila chastises.

Her eyes are angry, the set of her mouth pursed. Her grip on me does not loosen yet. She clearly disapproves, but I can handle myself. I can be careful. I know enough, that vulnerability only increases the potential to hurt, to lash out and attack.

"It's okay," I say, pulling away from her and handing her my drink instead. "We won't be long, sorry."

Liam takes my hand in his. He pauses for a second, seeming to deliberate on where to go, before he tugs me with him up the stairs. There are people staring, whispering, a flash of a phone in our direction when someone takes a picture, but Liam's hand is a warm anchor in mine and whatever anyone has to say, can wait until tomorrow.

Upstairs is calmer than down. The air feels less stifled with less of a crowd here. Less of an overwhelming swelter of voices. One of the doors at the end is wet though, shiny from a splatter of clear liquid. There is giggling coming from the open room in the middle, muffled yelling and laughter from the one next to it. Liam knocks onto the door on our left once before pulling it open.

"Get out." he says.

The room is dark. There is enough light coming from the window, to vaguely illuminate the couple on the bed. The girl is mid-way in the process of tying her hair up, and the boy is still sucking wet kisses against her neck. It takes her a bleary moment before she shoves at the boy to get off and out. He only follows after meeting Liam's gaze.

Liam closes the door behind us. He plonks himself down onto the abandoned bed, and I move to sit down next to him a little more tentatively. The dim moonlight casts a silvery film across his face. It makes him look ethereal. Liam says nothing for a moment, looking down into his hands. He seems uncertain now that he has me here, as though it had been the idea of this that he had wanted rather than the actuality.

"How much did you have to drink?" I ask.

"Wasn't that much."

Except Liam whines a little when he says this and puffs a little breath of exasperated air onto my face when he turns to look at me. I can smell the alcohol on his breath. See it in the lax that he holds himself with. The bubble of unfamiliarity breaks.

"Sure." I laugh.

"I miss you."

His words rob my lungs of air. My smile freezes in place before sliding off. Liam's face is serious, his eyes sad but not shying away from my own.

"Arden, I miss you." Liam repeats, vaguely slurred.

He drops his head down onto my shoulder without a thought, turning his face in to press against the crook of my neck as though he had never forgotten how. My heart stutters on a painful beat.

"I'm sorry." he mumbles.

Liam's words are wet and quiet against my skin, his breaths even and soft. He does not push for a response when I do not answer. He sighs tiredly and circles an arm around my waist to bring our bodies closer, evidently comfortable where he is.

I keep myself carefully still. If he says one more thing, I can certain I will be washed away.

Someone throws the door open. The noise from outside is suddenly magnified, and I am reminded that we are not the only ones at this party. Liam groans his discontentment against me and only moves to shuffle closer. The girl who stands by the doorway observes us with wide eyes, with Kenzie next to her. She makes no attempt to apologise or close the door.

"Oh," Kenzie says eloquently. "It's you."

I swallow. I look away to turn back to Liam.

"I should go." I say to him.

"Stay." he mumbles.

His voice comes out muffled. His grip is not tight enough that he does not relent when I stand up and take a careful step away.

Liam is beautiful even dishevelled, shirt untucked, hair messy and gaze confused. He looks up at me slightly open mouthed, his eyes searching and expression forlorn. He shudders out an uneven breath, and a dangerously large part of me does want to stay. Wants him to always want that too.

It is unfair that I still feel this way. Unfair that he had to say those things. That he could not just keep them to himself.

I take another step away.

I shoulder past Kenzie and her friend by the doorway. I hunch myself in as I make my way down the stairs. My thoughts are spinning, and nothing is coherent. I cannot tell if is just my hands that are shaking, or the entirety of me.

The cold air outside is a welcome onslaught of freshness to my face. I take another couple of steps forward and sit myself down onto the front lawn. I focus on slowing my breaths, quietening them and stifling the conflict of my emotions. There is nothing left of the unsteady walls that I had built for protection. No evidence of their existence. All completely and utterly destroyed by words that dripped with ruin and feelings that cut through as easily as a child sweeping over a house of cards.

I twist my fingers and shove them onto the grass. I wonder if love always makes it this hard to breathe.

 ☾☆♔

ty @brind2y2 for your consistency creative encouragement x 

it's getting angstyy how are we all feeling