My Name is Loto [Pokémon Fanfiction]

14| When I Made My Decision

Those two days passed so damn quickly. I couldn't believe they had. While Rangi didn't speak another word about returning to Verelum, I could tell that he wanted to. I felt horrible for not giving him a response, but I couldn't bring myself to decide.

   That last night, I didn't come to dinner. I was laying down because I "didn't feel good," and that was an understatement. I just couldn't stand to be around Rangi because I didn't have any inkling of an answer for him. I couldn't even think about reading or trying to take notes. All I could do was just lay on my bed, absentmindedly petting Dew as she dozed next to me.

   Some time later, a knock came at the door. I was able to sit up before Cyryl entered. Pidge wasn't with them, so he was probably out with Bard in the dining room. Cyryl held a steaming mug in their hands, and they gave me a hesitant smile.

   "Are you feeling any better, Loto?" they asked. "If not, I asked if Father could make you some chamomile tea."

   I was feeling a bit queasy, though it was because of the tight ball of nerves that had knotted in my gut. I still took the mug, thanking them for their consideration.

   "Have you come to a decision yet?" they asked with some hesitance as they sat beside me, careful not to wake the still-sleeping Dew.

   My fingers tightened around the mug as I shook my head. "I hate that I haven't."

   "It's understandable," they said. "It's a huge decision."

   I took a sip of the tea, shivering as I could feel it tracing its way down my throat. I appreciated the warmth it gave me more than the taste. "Would this be irony?" I then asked.

   "Hm?" Cyryl tilted their head, puzzled.

   "I think it is," I said. "Ever since I woke up in that field, all I've wanted to do was learn who I was and see if I had anyone left."

   "But you do," Cyryl replied. "You have me, Dew, and my parents."

   I frowned. "It isn't the same..." I said. "I-I just wanted to know and be happy. For once my luck works out, and I get the chance of a lifetime, not only to learn who I am but reunite with my family. But now I don't even know if I want it! I love you guys to death, and I don't wanna give any of it up."

   "Then why don't you simply turn him down?" Cyryl asked hopefully. "If you care about us so deeply, perhaps it's an indication of what you truly want." 

   I placed the cup down on the nightstand. "I know, but at the same time, this could be my one chance to be with the rest of my family again," I said. "I don't know how much longer Guella is gonna be around for, I don't know if Rangi could come back here so easily."

   "If Rangi and your guella communicated through letters, then you could do the same with them," Cyryl proposed.

   I'd already thought of that, and I shook my head. "Again, it wouldn't be the same. I want to see her face, hear her voice, know for a fact that she's real and not just some words on a piece of paper." And there was a last, obvious Trump Card that had to be played. "I... I want to be happy, and I think this would finally make me happy."