Shadow and Snow

Chapter Thirteen | Shades of Gray

Three days.
It had been three days since Paxton had shown any sign of improvement, and Isla was scared. She sat by his side every moment, holding his hand and searching for any sign of response. Eos has tried to distract her by preparing a nursery for the baby, but Isla couldn't bear to leave her husband for a few minutes at a time.
She tried to talk to him, in case he could hear her, but more often than not her sobs outnumbered her words.

His color had returned, but he was still unconscious. Epione set up a tube to allow him to get the nutrients he needed without the risk of choking, but even with the nourishment, he was still unresponsive. Isla was a wreck. She had been dozing off for an hour at a time before jerking awake, rushing to splash cold water on her face in case Paxton needed her. Large purple blemishes had bloomed under her eyes, and her eyes had taken on a haunted look. Her hands trembled and she refused to eat, only allowing Epione to feed her broths for the sake of the baby. She felt empty. Like her very soul had been stolen from her body, leaving only an empty husk behind.

The days and nights blended together in waves of loneliness. The vibrant colors around her dulled to shades of gray. Eos and Epione tried to talk to her but all she could hear was muted murmurs in the distance. Her eyes were bleary, her hands trembling with the effort to hold her husband's hand for hours on end.
It was a relief that Paxton was alive, but not knowing if he would ever wake was almost worse than a swift ending. She thought she had seen Achlys several times, but every time she would try to hide she would wake up, drenched in sweat.

Twelve days.
17,280 minutes of agony.

She felt miserable. Completely and utterly wretched. The baby had begun using her bladder as a punching bag and constantly kicked her ribs. She desperately wished for a break, crying day and night both from the strain of carrying the child and the ache from watching her husband lying still and silent.
Several times she thought she saw a blurred shape walk towards her and felt hands touch her shoulders, though it felt miles away. She felt detached from reality. Detached from herself. She rarely felt pain. In fact, the day before she had an itch that traveled down her arms- and didn't notice that she had scratched herself to the point that she had drawn blood until Eos had to trim her nails and put salve on her sores.

Fifteen days.
Isla vaguely felt hands shaking her shoulders, a familiar voice nearly muted. It wasn't until she felt a bucket of cold water dumped on her head that her vision began to return.
"Isla, if you don't snap out of this I swear- If you weren't pregnant I would knock the starlight out of you." Isla lifted her puffed eyes to see her friend Jade glaring at her. "Wha-" "How dare you? You're being a child. I mean- look at you! You haven't bathed in two weeks and you look like a skeleton. What are you thinking?" "Pax-" "Yes, I know, Paxton is still unresponsive. But you need to wake up. You have a baby to think about. Have you even started working on a nursery yet?" "No, but-" "Zip it." Her friend said abruptly, her head in her hands. "You're coming with me."

After having a bath and washing her hair, Isla's mind began to clear. She turned to Jade, who was setting down a tray of food, tears pooling in her eyes. "Jade, I've been so miserable." She began, choking out the words, "Watching Paxton lying on the bed, knowing that there's nothing I can do to help him... I feel useless." Jade wrapped her in a warm embrace. "I know, but you're not useless. Look," she said as she placed her hand on Isla's bulging stomach, "You're the opposite of useless. You're doing a lot right now. Carrying his child, sitting by his side to keep him company." "I know, but it just feels so hopeless. It's been fifteen days since he showed any sign of improvement. Fifteen days. It has felt like a lifetime." "I know, but you need to focus on you right now. You've barely eaten and you're about to have a baby. Do you even know what you're going to do for the birth?" "Eos is going to help me deliver, and Epione is going to help me through postpartum." "Good, you have an overall plan. Now we can figure out the details."

After several hours of talking and planning the nursery, Isla felt prepared. She had met with Eos and Epione to write a list of things she would need during delivery, and had sent Jade out to pick up the furniture for the nursery. Isla waddled towards the room Paxton was in, taking deep breaths to calm her nerves. She opened the door to see him lying on the bed, still asleep.
"Hey, Pax, it's me again. Sorry I was gone so long." She gave him a gentle kiss before sitting down on the rocking chair beside the bed. "Jade knocked some sense into me... I guess I've been pretty out of it since you got hurt. She said I had to start thinking about the baby, so we started picking out furniture for the nursery." Tears streamed down her face as she wrapped her arms around her stomach.

"You were so excited to pick out the crib. And swore that there would be dinosaurs everywhere." She let out a shaky laugh and wiped her nose on her arm, "And I said that dinosaurs would be too scary. But you insisted that it would make the baby brave, and I told you that you were crazy.
I'm so sorry.
I shouldn't have called you crazy. We can put them everywhere, in the nursery, on the onesies, wherever we can."
The baby started to kick, causing little bumps to appear. Isla smiled as she picked up her husband's hand and placed it on her stomach.
"I hope it's a boy." She whispered, reaching over to caress his face. "I know you wanted a girl, but if it's a boy we wouldn't have to worry about rushing to get pregnant again. And we would know that Arrida would be safe."

Isla sat by his side until she drifted to sleep.
Three words kept repeating in her mind.

I'm so sorry.

Author's Note:
Hey guys! I have to admit, I was in a bit of a rut while writing this chapter. I thought I knew where the story was headed but it just didn't seem to fit. So I had to change a few things for the next few chapters plot-wise. I think it will make the story better though! Thank you for your patience on the new chapter while I was on vacation!